What, in your opinion, makes a man ready for marriage and kids at 20 to 30 vs. those who wait till they're 40 or even older?

[Sweetsurprize]

These two look like they are in their late 20's to early 30's max

These parents look 40's plus.

I ask specifically about men because it's usually rumored that it's the MEN who have commitment issues (but they are willing impregnate and leave a woman sometimes! How scummy is that!). Also, I wonder why they have the commitment issues when it's the WOMAN who has to go through painful pregnancy and her body and life forever changing! Men can usually (at least physically) "run" from it. Then the scared poor woman files for child support! Tsk Tsk 😞

Money reasons. Some young couples are lucky enough to fall into large sums of money (My boyfriend sadly doesn't want to start a family until our finances are at least decent)

Accidents. In the heat of the moment, they forgot their Birth Control. The baby/babies weren't planned!

Other. I'll explain below.

[b_lova]

Some men are scared to be committed long term to the wrong woman. Some are just immature and need to grow up.

I had a friend with commitment issues because he had a fantasy of love at first sight and marrying a virgin.

Finally I will say most of us who marry at 20 don't really know what we are getting into and stay because we have children. That is what happened to me and many of my guy friends. Most of us 20 years later are getting divorced because our kids grew up and our wives … well we don't have anything in common with them once the kids are out the house so why should we deal with them.

[inhua]

finding the right woman

[Sweetsurprize]

Hmm 🤔

[MrOracle]

For many guys, it's money. Men are expected to have a good job, a home of some kind, a car (in most cases), and enough left over for discretional spending - women can be living at home with no job or car, and that's fine. You need to be even better off to really be thinking about kids. Simply, it's very difficult to get all of that accomplished for the vast majority of men - sure, the gifted programmer or the star athlete may have all that at 22, but most men need more time.

The second problem is finding a woman who is Wife and Mother material. I'm not saying that they don't exist, but not only have they become the exception rather than the rule, but also their expectations have only gone up - so many women are holding out for a sub-1% guy who can give her an Instagram lifestyle - even many of the girls who want marriage and kids - and very few women are willing to build with a man anymore, when that used to be the expectation.

And a lot of guys just aren't interested in any of that today. Society, and especially divorce and family courts are so anti-male that they've decided it isn't worth the risk. Some still date more casually, and others are more MGTOW - they just live their lives and don't pursue women at all.

The guys who prioritize marriage and children TEND to not be completely obsessed with business success - there are exceptions - and tend to put morals and family first, but this also limits their career to some extent, meaning they probably don't have incredibly high incomes, even if they are above average.

[tiajoka]

That's not really true that women can easily be stay at home just fine lol.
My fiance and I want 8 kids that I want to homeschool... yet everyone around us constantly judges and questions what I'm doing for work and why won't I work. They'll even insist I can do the cooking cleaning homeschooling and still hold down a part time job... then get offended when I say I don't think that would be good for the kids. It's not socially acceptable anymore. Hardly more than a man staying home either. Tbh people would probably be more fine with a man staying home if his wife had a good job.

[MrOracle]

@tiajoka It's FEMINISTS (including male ones) who have such a problem with stay-at-home moms. Most men, and "traditional" women, are fine with it - specifically desire it even.

Yes, it can be tough because it's hard to be a sole earner and make enough to pay for everything and STILL be home enough to pay attention to the wife and kids. Sometimes he's not going to be able to be there for you guys - not every soccer game or ballet recital - but as long as you realize that him working late, or working a Saturday, or whatever, is for the family - to earn for his family - and you don't hold that against him, you'll be fine.

[tiajoka]

It's most people even if they're not feminists. Even people who think it's better for wives to stay home ask "so what are you doing?" It's the normal now sorry lol. It's no longer rule of thumb socially acceptable for a wife to stay home.

[Sweetsurprize]

@tiajoka " It's no longer rule of thumb socially acceptable for a wife to stay home." And yet, there are still women who are PROUD of the SAHM title. I don't know if it's still like that, but I've seen it multiple times on social media and facebook, especially back in like the 2000's and even into the 2010's.

[tiajoka]

Yeah they are proud but it'd not acceptable to most

[SakuraBlossoms87]

@MrOracle - but in today's society wherein women are just as rightful to be educated & work WHY would you willfully force your family to suffer - to worry about paying bills, to force the kids not to attend sports teams, etc. - just because of a man's small ego?

Men like you think working women are incapable of being nuturing good mothers & wives which is a blatant lie because of your own inferiorities. You don't like the thought of a woman being able to look after herself and her children if need be. It's a kick in your tiny balls.

Many working mothers are better mothers because they are taught responsibility, etc. through education & jobs whereas if a stay at home mother spends 80% of her time on the computer & TV she learns more how to be a slouch and WHY child abuse is VERY rampant amongst such lower class stay at home working families

[tiajoka]

@SakuraBlossoms87 thanks for makkng my point proven lol

[nastyb]

Its really best to have kids in your 20s-30s. All around the world, marriage and having children for both men and women are usually done in 20s. Getting married in 30s-40s is only a western thing. If you go to any other country in the world, vast majority of people have kids in 20s. Why? there is an evolutionary reason for it. Its because your reproductive system is at its peak when you're in your 20s-30s. This is for both men and women. Kids born to younger parents tend to be brighter, healthier, more resilient, less prone to chronic diseases, less risk of mental illnesses throughout life.

And if a man has commitment issues at 30 , it is likely they will have commitment issues by the time he is 40. Age doesn't make a difference. I understand some kids like to paly around in their youth and not take dating seriously but if you're almost 30 years old and you still have never had your first serious relationship, that means there's something wrong.

Throughout my experience, never ever marry a guy who has no plans on committing. Never have kids with a guy who says that having children and a family doesn't matter to him. Or the guy who says that he will take kids if they come along but having kids was never part of his "goals". Because truth is... if you give him children, he will DITCH you whenever he feels like it. You're giving him something he never asked for or cares much about. Never ever marry the man who only says he dates 18-25 yr olds. He will ditch you for another 18 yr old once you lose your looks. Be very picky about who you marry because he can destroy your life.

[Sweetsurprize]

Actually, I'm in a relationship right now with a very responsible person. I feel like I won the lotto with him because he actually LIKES children. Of course, it's not a requirement for him, however, weirdly enough, I've seen MEN be the ones asking for children so there goes your theory on men not wanting children. If that were truly the case, there would be an uptick in infanticide or men murdering their pregnant wives/gfs/babymamas, or just not risk dating women at all. Contrary to your belief, men DO fall in love and want families. My aunts second husband wanted children and so she gave birth a fourth time to twins when she was 48 back in 2012.

Look more around you and you will find men married to their spouses for 50 plus years. You'll find them being great dads (mine and my fiance's included). Dad's who LOVE their children and take them out to ballgames, soccer matches, cheering them on with their other life goals, and going to their father/daughter dances. Please open your eyes and look around. Go to the MALL or just out and about. Just the other day, I saw a dad at the Social Services office (Welfare office), taking his two children out in the stroller WITH HIM to the office because probably mom wasn't available or had to work. If men were really that irresponsible, they wouldn't be doing that, and they would probably be leaving the children at home on their own, in front of the T. V. Be careful with sweeting generalizations, it's not good. I know I should follow that advice too, but we are talking about your response for now.

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

there is a difference between liking kids versus wanting kids. Just because you like to play with kids once in a while, it doesn't mean you want to be surrounded by kids on a daily basis. It does not mean you want to be burdened by those kids.

If you're giving kids to a man who says that he doesn't care about having kids. He will BAIL on you when things get difficult. Or he would be a very LOUSY father.

You can't tell if someone is a good father just by looking at them bring their kids to the park. You can only tell whether or not someone is a good father just by looking at how the parent BEHIND CLOSED DOORS when no one is looking.

I personally was raised by a "picture perfect" father who knew how to put on a good show in the real world. But behind closed doors, he was abusive, bad tempered, narcissistic.

There are MANY bad fathers out there. I think we all know or have seen multiple single moms where the child's father abandoned them. These cases are extremely common and its really sad how some people like you act they're not common.

[nastyb]

I like kids... but it doesn't mean I want to work at a daycare where I am surrounded by kids 10 hours a day.

If you give a man something that he never really cared about. He will stay when things are easy then leave when things get hard. He will ask himself: why did I ever decide to have kids just for things to be so difficult? you won't do a good job of a dad if you hate being a dad or if you see being a father as a burden.

[Sweetsurprize]

Yes, and that is why I want to make sure that the person I am with actually WANTS children. Thankfully, the person I am with now, appears responsible. I am sorry you had to experience what you did in regards to your father being only "perfect" on paper, but at the same time, if it is really THAT BAD having children, then why do people still have them? They know that sex (especially unprotected sex), can equal having babies so what's the deal with that? And yeah, I am aware that there are people that like to pretend, but that's a pretty evil and shitty thing to do in my opinion if you're just trying to look good for outsiders (that's a trait of an evil narcissist) the way Iook at it. In any case, I don't think most people put on an act when they take care of their children. It's just twisted if you were to think so. He could have asked someone else to take those kids to the park, or let them go to the park themselves. All I am saying is what happend to judging people by their actions? Seems like you are trying to distrust people's actions. That's called being cynical or skeptical. Sure, looks can be deceiving, there's always exceptions to the rule, but I think for a good majority of cases, it tells the truth. If you're a good parent, you shouldn't care what outsiders think about your parenting skills, you want to just be the best parent for your child that you can be!

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

[the same time, if it is really THAT BAD having children, then why do people still have them? ]

some people have kids because they originally DID see the positives of having children. HOWEVER, they did not see the potential hardships of raising children- this is especially true for widows, single parents, financially struggling couples. Often times many people aren't aware how hard parenting is. They just think its a mom bringing her kids to the park on the weekend then getting some ice cream.

My father is a narcissist, saw his kids as a reflection of himself. He wanted us to succeed to make up for his own lack of success in life.

His thought process was : "if I raise successful ivy league children then it makes me look like I did a good job as a parent and that I'm also smart. If my kids could buy a house, then it makes me feel like I've been successful myself too. Its my dream to buy a house- something I could never accomplish in my life so I hope my kids can allow me to live in it. If my kid is accomplished, this is something i can show off to the other parents. It makes me feel better about the fact that I haven't accomplished a single thing in my life. "

if my kids fall short of meeting these expectations, then I will be upset with them for the rest of my life. I will cast one child as the perfect golden child while the other child as the scapegoat- gets the blame for everything that goes wrong in the family. Its better to have 1 child I am proud of and the other that is a terrible wreck than to have 2 mediocre kids where I have nothing to show off about.

This is the narcisstic mindset of my father.

[nastyb]

There are A LOT of bad parents out there. No parent is perfect. Every parent makes major mistakes but you won't be a "bad parent" unless your negatives outweigh your positives. Incompetent parents are actually very common.

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

I also want to emphasize that there are A LOT of men out there who would FUCK BUT NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OVER THEIR OWN OFFSPRING. I have been on so many dates with guys who refuse to wear condoms. Way too many men trying to manipulate women for sex. One guy told me on the second date that if he got me pregnant, he would take care of the baby. Even at the young age of 24, I knew it was a lie. MEN LIE.

This is why its extremely important to teach our young women to protect themselves first. Men get to get away with not taking care of their kids... women don't have that option.

[Sweetsurprize]

[One guy told me on the second date that if he got me pregnant, he would take care of the baby. Even at the young age of 24, I knew it was a lie. MEN LIE.] Well, first of all, you don't know that. Why be with someone you are cynical/negative about by the way? Makes no sense. If you're not the type to wait till marriage, then it's good you didn't allow him to manipulate you. BUT, to assume he was lying off the bat? I don't know if that was a good thing to do, but I guess you were just playing it safe. I mean basically you are already accusing your date of being a liar. You see what a turn off that would be if you actually told him your thoughts like that? That would ruin the potential for a relationship, much less the "funness" of the date. Maybe have some faith in the men you are dating. If you are dating sketchy/ deceiving men, maybe look into dating more responsible, matured men? But yeah, it's a good thing, especially at your age, to be cautious, true.

[This is why its extremely important to teach our young women to protect themselves first. Men get to get away with not taking care of their kids... women don't have that option.] Well okay, they MIGHT run, but you can try to get child support in any case. I had a scare in 2018, but I know that legally he couldn't have ran from that type of responsibility unless he fled the country. And come on, I am sure that in time, they would see the positives of being a father.

I also want to wait till marriage (or at least engagement) if I can help it. It's good you are taking your precautions, but maybe have more faith in your date's intentions/morality?

[Sweetsurprize]

.. That being said, my boyfriend actually says he wants to WAIT to have children till we could afford them. In any case, the people I see at the malls, and outside, the mother's pushing their strollers and the FATHERS as well, they look like they are having a good time and don't regret their decision to have unprotected sex and knock up their wife/woman. They KNEW the consequences of their actions and they happily took the risk and dealt with the outcomes. Seems responsible to me. Otherwise, I wouldn't be seeing both parents EVERYWHERE at the mall. If they only saw the positives, it's their life and no offense, but if people thought like you, people would probably be having less children all together, and there would be a steep drop in fertility and population, but the population has only increased and continue to do so. Part of it is yes, people living longer, but the other half is also people having children.

Lastly, [some people have kids because they originally DID see the positives of having children. HOWEVER, they did not see the potential hardships of raising children- this is especially true for widows, single parents, financially struggling couples. Often times many people aren't aware how hard parenting is. They just think its a mom bringing her kids to the park on the weekend then getting some ice cream.]

Life is hard a lot of times, period. Does it mean you DON'T TRY anymore at getting the things you want in life? Especially if that included having a wife and kids? Having a family?

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

[ Well, first of all, you don't know that. Why be with someone you are cynical/negative about by the way?]

lets be honest.. how many people out there would be glad to have a baby with someone on the second date? would you do that? i dont think so... why do you think there are SO MANY SINGLE MOMS out there?

[Well okay, they MIGHT run, but you can try to get child support in any case. I had a scare in 2018, but I know that legally he couldn't have ran from that type of responsibility unless he fled the country. ]

let me as you a question... do you want to raise a kid without a father? do you think child support check can replace a father? do you think its fair to set up your kid for this type of life where he has no father, the best it can get is a small check every month till he is 18 years old. IS THIS THE TYPE OF LIFE YOU WANT TO RISK SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR?

If you have no problem with this... I can already tell you won't make a good parent.

[nastyb]

[Otherwise, I wouldn't be seeing both parents EVERYWHERE at the mall. If they only saw the positives, it's their life and no offense, but if people thought like you, people would probably be having less children all together, and there would be a steep drop in fertility and population, but the population has only increased and continue to do so. Part of it is yes, people living longer, but the other half is also people having children.]

you seem quite naive... I certainly had fun times with my dad when he brought us to the mall when we were young... now I am ABANDONING HIM. I'm cutting him off no contact. And what makes you think that you can thoroughly tell someone's parenting skills just by seeing them take their ekids to the mall or the park? girl, you have absolutely no life experience...

let me tell you something about life: the most evil people in life have the NICEST exteriors.
its very obvious you have never seen monsters.

and lastly, the drop in fertility / people having kids has to do with financial problems. A lot of people aren't having kids because they can't afford them. Its more expensive to raise a child in 2023 than 1990.

[Sweetsurprize]

[let me as you a question... do you want to raise a kid without a father? do you think child support check can replace a father? do you think its fair to set up your kid for this type of life where he has no father, the best it can get is a small check every month till he is 18 years old. IS THIS THE TYPE OF LIFE YOU WANT TO RISK SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR?

If you have no problem with this... I can already tell you won't make a good parent.]

No, I agree with you. I was being stupid/dumb back then, but I also had other problems (I was trying to forget an ex). To be honest, yeah, I think you're pretty wise for your age. You seem to know a lot. And no, I will very much try not to make that same bad mistake again. That is why like I said, I am choosing to WAIT till marriage or at least a serious engagement to a RESPONSIBLE, MATURED man who ALSO wants to the fundamental things that I want out of life.

[lets be honest.. how many people out there would be glad to have a baby with someone on the second date? would you do that? i dont think so... why do you think there are SO MANY SINGLE MOMS out there?] And yeah, I think you did the right thing there. Why trust someone that fast, especially if the potential consequence would be something like that. That could change your life forever.

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

[Life is hard a lot of times, period. Does it mean you DON'T TRY anymore at getting the things you want in life? Especially if that included having a wife and kids? Having a family?]

when you have kids... your chances of making more money decreases. why? because often times if you want to make more money, you would have to go back to school, obtain additional certificates, work overtime... go for advanced skills. After having kids... you simply do not have the time for that.
You work a job, your wife works a job. Then after 8 hours a day at work, you have to continue cooking cleaning, tutoring, bathing your kids, doing housework, laundry. where is the time to advance your skills or work over time?

you sound really young like you have no idea how parenting works.

[Sweetsurprize]

First of all I am not young, I just may not have any parenting experience or how it works because I am NOT a parent. How can you expect someone who's never driven a car to be really good at that by the way? And I don't know why you are being mean to me. I did not do anything to really deserve that. Sure, like I said, I may be ignorant when it comes to this stuff, maybe I needed to do more resarch but at the same time, I am not alone. Otherwise, I wouldn't see countless young couples at the Welfare Office that I went to the other day. Yes, I am on that stuff right now, but I am trying my best to not make it a permanent thing!

I don't know if I like your attitude, at least if I am getting the right impression that you don't like children or don't want to have them.

And no I am not really young. Why assume such a thing just because I don't know about a particular subject? That's mean.

[Sweetsurprize]

All I was trying to do was seek the advice of some people here and what their thoughts were regarding why some men don't wait to start a family while some men do. And you should at least appreciate my sympathy toward your bad experience with your father but I don't think it's right to label A LOT of people as being bad parents. You say I cannot assume so much, well, you are doing the same thing by assuming the worst with those people (including myself). Can you not see that?

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

Sorry but I couldn't hold onto my tongue. You came here acting as if you knew it all, you said you were a person fit to become a wonderful mother, you acted like you're all set and ready. you acted as if you could tell a good parent just by watching them walk around the mall.

And you kinda pissed off when you said that the guy is likely not lying when he said he would take care of a baby due to a one night stand. In addition to that, it seemed like you thought child support payments can actually replace a father.

I think that you know very little. Mostly due to lack of life experience. And the reason why you think you know everything about parenting because you simply aren't aware of how much you don't know.

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

if you're actually 39 years old, you're already at the age where its unlikely to become pregnant. Most women experience a decline in fertility at this age. 40 tends to be the cutoff for vast majority of women. If you do want to have kids in your 40s, you might have to pay for IVF. The earlier you do IVF, the higher the chances of a baby.

[Sweetsurprize]

Hi @nastyb [And you kinda pissed off when you said that the guy is likely not lying when he said he would take care of a baby due to a one night stand. In addition to that, it seemed like you thought child support payments can actually replace a father.]

Woah... #1, I didn't think that child support could replace being a father. You just ASSUMED that. All I said was that at least you could legally APPLY for child support. I never said anything about that being enough. Of course there is more than money when it comes to raising another human being well.

#2, you did not mention that it was a one night stand. Of course, it would be understandable to be a little skeptical in the heat of passion like that. However, as you get to know someone, I would hope you wouldn't continue to label them as being irresponsible already but hey like I said, I get that. You were playing it safe with them. It was your risk to take and your consequences so you had to do what you had to do.

{cont'd}

[Sweetsurprize]

[Sorry but I couldn't hold onto my tongue. You came here acting as if you knew it all, you said you were a person fit to become a wonderful mother, you acted like you're all set and ready. you acted as if you could tell a good parent just by watching them walk around the mall.]

Again, a lot of assumptions were made her about me that were false! NEVER did I say that a person that looked perfect on the outside, was perfect! As I said, looks can be deceiving. All I said was that if you look at those parents from the outside, it really DOES look like they are being good parents. It could be worse, and they didn't have to be there at all, or you could witness them screaming, yelling or even hitting their kid. Things could always be worse!

I am not sure where you got that I thought I knew it all. This is really insulting honestly. No where did I even SAY anything close to me indicating that I knew it all. Why do you think I came here asking this type of question regardless?

You made a lot of assumptions about me and I don't appreciate it. I didn't make ANY assumptions about you that's negative like that. Why do it to me?

[Sweetsurprize]

? ! !

[nastyb]

@Sweetsurprize

I dont think i misunderstood anything. I think that you now just realized how arrogant and ignorant you were before. My assumptions came purely from your tone of voice, attitude and the way you wrote things.

[nastyb]

there's absolutely no way you can judge someones parenting skills just by looking at them enjoy themselves around the mall. And the fact that you would insist on something like this shows a complete lack of life experience. Similar to that of a teenager

[nastyb]

Sometimes the way you wors things, tone of voice, speaks louder than what you write about.

[Confused_About_Girls]

Some in there 20’s especially, don’t strap the Jimmy on their Johnson and knock up the girl.


Some girls want out from under their parents roof so they “forget” to take the pill and see a child and marriage as the only way to afford leaving.


Some young men are happy living close to home and choose to marry right out of high school or community college. Rarely do you find guys going after higher education that intend on staying close to home. So they have better job opportunities away from home and may choose to “play”.


If you happen to live in a small town where it can be difficult for a woman to find a job that allows her to live comfortably earning a good salary and where marriage right out of high school is the norm. Then most follow the norm.


Bigger cities offer better paying jobs for educated women thereby allowing them time to “play” before deciding to settle down.


Some men may live a certain lifestyle whereas girlfriends, marriage and children are not top priority. So they wait until later in life.


Men also may choose to work certain jobs that pay boocoo’s of money and can afford to “play” before deciding to settle down.

[Sweetsurprize]

"Some girls want out from under their parents roof so they “forget” to take the pill and see a child and marriage as the only way to afford leaving. I don't see how if you cannot afford to even take care of yourself financially and move out of your parents, house, how is having a husband and child a WAY out of your poverty situation lol. How stupid.

But thank you, this was insightful/helpful.

[Confused_About_Girls]

It does happen.

[Miristheiss]

CULTURE.

People are infantized these days. They baby and coddle kids and act like they have to be babied and protected and taken care of until 25 and shielded from everything.

People... all through history grew up... got tough, started families at 20.

Only this warped, video game, have a melt down and therapy session if they get called a name, stay on mommy and daddy's insurance until 25, casual sex until you're 30, everything is offensive, I'm a victim... poor me generation of today takes until 40 to be "READY" for marriage and kids.

[Sweetsurprize]

Lol. Okay if that didn't make me kinda sad, it sorta made me laught.

[Sweetsurprize]

However, in a more serious tone, I do think a lot of it is also financial, as well as what that other guy said: Finding the right woman/partner.

[molonski2]

Honestly the 40 year old plus is much better able to adapt to marriage and children , by this time he has some life skills and experience. I was a father at 28 , I pretty much had no choice , was a ready for a wife and children? No way , but it was what you were supposed to do , Was I immature? No way , not compared with the people I knew thats for sure. Was I a good father? Pretty good , Id say , as good as I could be. But , there is absolutely no doubt , had it all happened at 43 for example , it would have been a vastly improved situation.

We expect far to much from parents frankly , both male and female.

[abc3643]

You know, I agree with your assertion about being scummy if a guy impregnates a woman and then leaves.

BUT...

It takes two to tango but only one to prevent pregnancy.
So, perhaps the woman ought to use birth control before having sex or not have sex before marriage.

I am not saying the responsibility of birth control should be solely the woman's, but a responsible adult (man or woman) takes precautions and accepts the consequences of their actions.

Thus, that "scummy" situation you refer to involves two people both being irresponsible and immature.

[Sweetsurprize]

Life is to be celebrated. The act of bringing forth life I believe.

[abc3643]

I won't disagree with that.

[Apple1996]

I don't think it's either of these options. Some men are just ready sooner. My hubby became a dad at 17(on accident) but he was fine starting at that age because he wanted to be a young parent. Being a old parent is not good because they can't be as active with the kids. Will die sooner/have health problems. Kids are more likely to suffer from autism, adhd, learning delays if the father is older then 35. Mom regardless of her age can suffer problems during pregnancy from old sperm. Personally I'm not allowing my husband to impregnate me after the age of 29 because of these risks.

[Sweetsurprize]

" My hubby became a dad at 17(on accident) but he was fine starting at that age because he wanted to be a young parent. "

Well wether or not he was ready, you were already pregant so either force you to get an abortion (and at that time, you were probably in love with the thought of having a baby that you would have broken up with him instead?). But yeah I could be wrong.

"Being a old parent is not good because they can't be as active with the kids. Will die sooner/have health problems. Kids are more likely to suffer from autism, adhd, learning delays if the father is older then 35."

I wish I found a man who thought like that at your age or younger to be honest but unluckily for me, I didn't.

However, I do think that a lot of the fear for people waiting is not being able to afford it. At least that is what my boyfriend is saying to me now. Which makes sense in a way. But I told him, you can make money with you're 90, it's not the same case for your fertility. Especially, I think for the female. They have menopause to contend with and you don't want damaged sperm or low sperm count (time to pregnancy) like you are saying!

[Sweetsurprize]

Being an old parent I mean.

And you can make money when you're 90, you can't always conceive.

[Apple1996]

I actually kept the baby because of my husband tbh. I had thought about abortion/adoption because I didn't see things working out in our relationship or financially but my husband did so i trusted him. He wanted marriage/babies way more than I did lol

And yeah money is a big reason. People over estimate what it cost to raise a child. It's not expensive if you don't give the child some crazy rich kid type of lifestyle

[Kelly6]

Agree

[Lionman95]

I don´t think it´s just a question of money but it´s more a question of identity and meaning. Guys that are ready to be a father between 20 to 30 know quickly who they are and what their role in society is or they come from a family where being a father as a young adult is normal.
Guys sometimes take longer because many guys aren´t good with kids and are therefore less interested in a family. Other reasons could be that a guy sees having a family as a burden and less as source of meaning.
Guys have commitment issues since they develop the relationship to the child over time. The less a father spends with his kids the weaker his relationship is to them, since guys are often more interested in machines than in human beings.

[Sweetsurprize]

"Guys have commitment issues since they develop the relationship to the child over time." I don't mean commitment issues to the child. The child is THEIRS for life whether they like it or not. My ex had a child when he was 33 (his first and I am thinking his only) with his ex-wife back in 2007. He married this 22 year old Chinese woman when he was 29 and they were married for three years before that baby was born.

What I mean to say is that the baby is theirs for life unless the dad gives up father rights (through the court) like what my ex eventually did. Otherwise, you pay child support (if you don't have custody) till the child is at least 18, if not 21.

[SnowedIn]

I couldn't choose from the choices you provided.

Yes, money is part of it. But not the only part.

Everyone is ready at a different age, money or no money. There's an intersection of maturity and desire and like skills and money and partner that make someone ready.

Or they have the kids anyway.

[exitseven]

I had a long distance relationship for 4 years , We had talked about marriage and I thought we would get married at some point. The whole thing fell apart. For the next year I dated several womenn. All relationships ended badly. I was 23 years old and was going to give up on dating. I met my future wife and we really had a lot in common and it was really obvious that we belonged together. It was just time for me to get married. I had just turned 25. We had my son 11 months later.

[Sweetsurprize]

"All relationships ended badly." So why didn't your relationship with your wife end if you say that 'all relationships end badly' Negative much? !! That's not a nice thing to say. If you are already going into a relationship with an negative mindset and just waiting for it to eventually end, you will NOT be that happy (at least I don't think). MOST people (at least I don't think) don't go entering into relationships hoping it will end (not unless one of you dies or get's critically ill). When you are a MATURED PERSON, you hope to enter a relationship wanting what is best for the other person really and trying to take care of the other's needs. It's kind of like an interdepenence thing. At least that is how it is with my partner/boyfriend and I. My current one that is, and I met this one this year! All those other people I dated, sadly, were just douchebags/assholes and the other one before my current, there were already SIGNS that it wasn't going to work from the get go (divorced, single father). I only dated him because I was HORNY, and shallow.

Maybe next time, don't talk marriage and kids if you're really unsure about someone. It's not good and can lead to heartbreak and disappointment!

[exitseven]

oksy, since you asked. I dated 5 girls that year. A couple of them were one timers. The rest were mostly nice. One was a bi polar alcoholic but when she was good she was fun to be with. One dumped me in the most cruellest way imaginable and went back with her old boyfriend, the other was a divorced woman who was several years older than me. It just was never going to work. I was going through a lot of turmoil in my life and probably was not the most fun person to be with.
My wife was just different from all the rest. She treated me really nice. She lived 300 miles away and one weekend I was really sick with the flu and she drove all the way here to take care of me. She knitted me a sweater. It was the coolest thing anyone ever did for me. I was not used to this.

[exitseven]

The girl I had the 4 year relationship with did not put much effort into the relationship. Most of the time i was the one that had to go 1500 miles to see her. When I got there she mostly ignored me. She was always busy with other things. the last time I saw her she picks me up at the airport. She is wearing a dirty hoodie and her hair was all matted and in some weird perm combed over to one side. She said she almost forgot to get me. When people are dating they should be trying to put their best foot forward. I had to wonder what it would be like to be married to her. I tried not to think about it but 4 months later I called her late one Saturday night after the rates went down and broke up with her over the phone. I don't even think she was that broken up bout it

[Sweetsurprize]

1. I see, interesting story. You're still with your wife right? I am thinking from what you wrote, you are.
2. I feel people these days are just way too picky and don't give real chances to people. At least from what I've seen/read here. I think that is why a lot are single. Not saying that's a bad thing, just something I've observed. Maybe they are single by choice, don't have the time for a relationship or just burnt/burned out of them.

🙂

[exitseven]

I met this girl in college. She was just average looking but we started to hang out. She had a boyfriend that went to a different college who used to come and visit. He used to stay in my room. She was different and after a while she started to grow on me. I realized that I was falling in love with her. Fortunately she dumped the other guy and we went together for 4 years.

[NamerOfStars]

Women file 80% of divorces; it ain't men fearing commitment, it's women. And since they're the only ones who have any reproductive rights whatsoever, it's pretty disingenuous to blame them for doing the only thing they can in that situation.

[zagor]

A lot of guys want to have some fun before committing to marriage and kids. If you're not a one-percenter it can be hard to travel the world when you have a wife and kids.

Also, finding a quality woman who also wants to settle down can be tough.

[Sweetsurprize]

I traveled with my mom, dad and brother many times. Having children didn't stop them from traveling. Yeah, just more expensive, but it was worth it obviously. They wanted children and they got children. Traveling with children isn't always as stressful as people make it out to be. My brother and I were never the annoying "Are we there yet?" type of kids anyway. We always had a toy in the car and listened to good, calm music and slept. At least that's is what I can draw from my memory. My mom and dad loved me and they showed it.

Often times, we traveled with family and friends too!

Source: Circa the 80's, 90's and 2000's!

[zagor]

And they apparently could afford it. Not everyone can.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I'm age 55 and if a Lady, and I were together and in the heat of the moment she got pregnant I would take on my responsibility and take care of the baby (kid (s) I'm mature.

[Anonymous]

Opportunity. I was much more open to the possibility of marriage when I was younger. But I was also much more of an idealist when I was younger. I just never had the opportunity of meeting the right woman. Today I know how few women view marriage as a lifetime commitment now. And I have substantial assets. Now most women are simply too big of a gamble.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I realized most men mature after 40.

So, it’s not bad at all if they have children after 40.

[Anonymous]

They don't value it enough to have more urgency. Simple.
Plus guys are use to dating younger. Or should I say women are use to dating older.

[Sweetsurprize]

Yes. What is the difference between those who DO value you it "enough" like you said, vs. those who don't?

[Anonymous]

For me and most my friends, we really wanted marriage in our 20’s but most of us never found anyone. I know the older I get, the more trouble relationships appear and the less I think I want to be tied down.

[Sweetsurprize]

I see. But wouldn't you (at least ideally) be more STABLE in your 30's, 40's and older, rather than 20's? At least on a financial level/economic level.

[Opinion Owner]

@Sweetsurprize, Yeah but that’s not as big of an issue as you think it is when you’re younger. You figure it out. You have more energy and more drive to. Also my parents had me in their 40’s and now I feel a sense of responsible for taking care of them as they have physical issues. I’m also a lot more stuck in my ways and less willing to compromise than I was in my 20’s.

[RingOfFire]

"What, in your opinion, makes a man ready for marriage and kids at 20 to 30 vs. those who wait till they're 40 or even older?"

Beats me! I'm still not ready at 68! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[jeffend888]

The overwhelming majority of people have kids between 30 and 33.

[Sweetsurprize]

I see. Got stats on that?

And how did they meet him or her so early in life?

[jeffend888]

Sure. Just look around.

[serious_miss419]

Guys should get a vasectomy when they reach puberty and the reverse it when they are mature enough to be a parent.