Should I swap something for it?

[Anonymous]

My mum wants to give me my grandma’s wedding ring as my wedding ring. It’s old, beautiful, traditional and my fiancé’ and I have no money for such things. I bought my wedding dress and shoes secondhand. My dress cost $400, my shoes cost $25. The ring is perfect and I’d love it. I was just wondering if I should swap something, like give her the sapphire and diamond ring from my grandma, or the musical jewellery box. Nana loved mum like she was her daughter, so she’d approve of my giving something to replace it and my mum might like it.

[SteveSmith1985]

I know that neither your mum nor your grandma would want you to feel in any way obligated to swap something out for the ring.

In fact, the answer to your question is a firm "no"

You absolutely shouldn't swap it for the sapphire and diamond ring, or the music box or anything else. If you haven't felt the need to give your mother that ring, or that music box until now... then you ought not to give them to her. Because then you are swapping them. You're only thanking to give your mother these things, because you are accepting this ring that you love.

I think it's important that you allow your mum to carry on your grandma's tradition. Don't you know your mum has been thinking about passing that ring down to you since you were a baby? Ask her. I bet I'm not wrong about that. It's something that you need to accept. As the gift it is intended to be. Your mum does not feel a loss at giving you this ring. She doesn't feel like she's giving up something of value. It's not like that. I think you're really not fully appreciating the nature of the gesture. You're meant to have it. It's a gift. A meaningful one. And it's meant for you to take. Not to be traded for.

I think you should allow your mum to give you this beautiful ring the way she wants to give it to you. And the way your grandma would have wanted her to give it to you. As a gift. That you accept with love. Don't tarnish the gesture by offering up precious family heirlooms that have been left to you. Those were meant for you too. No matter how much your Nana loved your mum.

You need to let yourself just enjoy having the perfect ring. Get rid of the idea that there's any need to swap something for it. You're missing the point in thinking that way.

I wish you and your fiancée a lifetime of happiness. 🙂