Why do people assume they are better off being single when studies show that married people live longer lives?

[Anonymous]

Not only do married people live longer lives. Rate of healing after disease / injury is quicker for married men than single men.

[Joshydavid25]

Well because a lot of people today are kind self absorbed and feel like relationships are more about them than the other people. So many feel like it's easier to just beat off and be single than to try and form a fulfilling relationship..

[Joshydavid25]

Thanks for MHO!

[Starrrboy]

Yeah, a lot of people tend to glorify being single... it's either because they had crappy/meh relationships or they're just coping..

[CalmUntilAbused]

A few years ago, a woman named Amber Heard has shown the world what a truly monstrous betrayal looks like. Now, this might have made people think: "What if I get to meet an Amber Heard-class monster in my marriage?" Everything You say is perfectly correct for a successful marriage, but these days, only 50% of marriages are successful. Now, as an anonymous friend here already mentioned, within the other 50% of unsuccessful marriages, 80% percent of those are torn down by women. That means, a man is facing a 40% chance of randomly having his life ruined. And even though I began it all with a mention of Amber Heard, right now, by "ruined" I mean just the typical and almost accidental "divorce rape". Now, a 40% chance to have Your life randomly ruined and a 50% of an unsuccessful marriage in general is not really hope-inspiring, is it? The risk is far too high in this casino, it's simply better to grab Your belongings and move out, not even looking back.

Now... There is a way out of it, and it's a traditional, purely Catholic marriage. No damned legal contracts included, just two loving people, their trust and devotion. It only works for believers, but let's assume, probably unfairly, that women who are non-believers have no humanly acceptable code of ethics ingrained in their minds, so we are fine without them. This time, the leap of faith is mutual. I'm one of the men who are willing to take it, anyway. Now let's find a woman who's willing to do the same, even if she is a believer... I think I might have found a single one in my whole life, but that's not yet proven, and we have known each other for quite long already.

There You have it. Marriage, if successful, is the best deal You can get in this world and there's no way around it. However, one wrong move, usually the very choice of woman for the marriage, and the hell You're headed for is something beyond an average person's comprehension. Personally, I'm not taking the risk. Unless it's a traditional, purely Catholic marriage, but it has its own challenges.

[Saramad_Hill]

You make it sound so simple. I would not mind getting married, but finding someone I connect with on such a level seems like a pipe dream. I generally go two or three years between dates, and I'd be a very sad person if I let that depress me any more than it does. It seems prudent to become happy while single with the current uncertainty of the dating market.

[Asker]

dying alone as a single person is a very lonely existence. Meanwhile everyone else has children, grandchildren, son in laws, daughter in laws visiting them and rushing home to them for Christmas and Thanksgiving. you just sit at home all alone for Christmas.

[Saramad_Hill]

Not always. Some of those kids will throw you in a nursing home or take months to visit when their lives inevitably become busy themselves.

Being an adult becomes harder and harder with each passing year, although I come from a broken family and no one visits each other at all. I keep in touch with my mom, dad, and the final remaining grandpa.

On top of that, I've accepted the chance I might die alone. I have no kids, although I don't care if I become a stepdad or not. Leaving as little damage on the planet is the best thing I can do.

[Asker]

@saramad_hill

vast majority of kids visit their parents. especially after grandkids are born, its not uncommon for people to drop off their kids at grandparents' house. Plus, if you have a spouse at home, you won't need to go to a nursing home. your spouse can take care of you. Folks at the nursing home are usually for unmarried, single or widowed people, mostly childless.

even if you do get put into a nursing home, someone can check up on how you're doing and fight for you when you need it.

when you spend a lifetime spending Christmas / Thanksgiving/ birthdays all alone. Life becomes very meaningless.

[Saramad_Hill]

I'm not going to argue the point here, but I can't just walk outside and find a wife. People have standards and I don't meet a lot of them. Marriage is for the lucky.

[Asker]

@saramad_hill

realize that a lot of people that are married have "lower standards". Most people settle in life. The ones that are the pickiest tend to be the loneliest.

[Asker]

Most people marry by a certain age in life because they know that a life with people is better than life all alone. Notice how vast majority of people get married in their 30s. Its not a coincidence.

[Holsen]

Personally because I don’t like how people marry but never marry the one that most matches them and just spend the res of their life with a non true partner because it’s so damn hard and has the least propability of happening to find your true match so instead of abandoning that I prefer to stay single till that happens and aside from that people are self sufficient physically and emotionally too so we are bot neccesarily build to be with a partner!

[Anonymous]

Everyone doesn’t want to live an infer life. If I had a blast of a life I’d be ok w a shorter one than a long boring mine. Would a couple who isn’t married but has been together for 30 years still live a longer life? If so why the need to get married? Not everyone wants marriage, especially men. Not a whole lot in marriage that a man can benefit from. Almost men nowadays can get everything they need in a relationship w put the marriage. Kids, love, a partner, fun, etc, etc.

[Asker]

you won't have a blast in life being all alone and dying alone. you will just lead a lonely life

[Opinion Owner]

Yes you know because you’re a man. Men aren’t the same as women. We don’t need all that attention. It believe what you want cause women always believe what they think is the right answer.

[Asker]

studies show married men live longer than single men

[Opinion Owner]

Oh god not that bs. Why do they live longer? Who says they want to live longer?

[Asker]

@opinion owner

there is proof that lonely people live shorter lives.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Don’t care. Marriage isn’t good for men

[Anonymous]

Oh my goodness. Didn't you just write another post criticising people for being single over 40's. Not everyone wants to get married. There are more divorces today than there was 10 years ago. Marriage does not mean you will be happy or that you ate better off.

Stop putting people down for being single. It's actually wrong

[Asker]

Numerous studies covering 140 years have shown that married persons tend to live longer than their unmarried counterparts.

www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB5018.html

Statistics on marriage and health show that married men are healthier than unmarried or divorced men

www.health.harvard.edu/.../marriage-and-mens-health

[Anonymous]

People's decisions to be single or married are highly individual and influenced by various factors beyond just life expectancy and healing rates. While studies may show certain health benefits for married individuals, personal happiness, compatibility, and life goals also play a significant role in such choices. Additionally, societal norms and expectations continue to evolve, allowing people to make diverse decisions regarding their relationships.

[Asker]

doctors ask their sick patients: "are you married". because they know married people who are married tend to heal faster.

[Opinion Owner]

Doctors may inquire about a patient's marital status as part of a comprehensive medical history to understand potential sources of emotional and social support. Supportive relationships can indeed contribute to a patient's overall well-being, including their ability to cope with and recover from illnesses. However, this question is just one aspect of a patient's profile and is not the sole determinant of their medical care or healing process.

[Asker]

true this is just one factor of the healing process. but when there is data that shows married people tend to live longer and heal faster from illnesses, its enough to conclude that it is better off being married than being single.

[Opinion Owner]

While there is data indicating potential health benefits for married individuals, it's important to remember that correlation does not necessarily imply causation. Being married may offer certain advantages for health and well-being, such as emotional support and a healthier lifestyle. However, it's not accurate to conclude that marriage is universally better than being single for everyone. Individual circumstances, preferences, and life goals vary, and what works best for one person may not work for another. The decision to marry or stay single is highly personal and should be based on a range of factors, not just health statistics.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

there are also studies done that show lonely people get sick more frequently and live shorter lives than married people.

combined with this evidence, its enough to say social support is a key component to living a healthy long life.

[Opinion Owner]

You're correct that social support plays a significant role in health and well-being. Studies have indeed shown that individuals with strong social connections tend to experience better health outcomes. Loneliness can have adverse effects on physical and mental health. However, it's important to note that social support can be found in various forms beyond marriage. Friendships, family relationships, and other social networks can also provide essential support. The key takeaway is that maintaining meaningful social connections and a support system is vital for a healthy and fulfilling life, whether one is married or not.

[Asker]

No one is going to be there for you like your own spouse. You can't compare a mere friend who can leave you overnight or talks to you once a week to a spouse who is there for you on a daily basis.
Friends become harder to make as you get older. Your parents will die. Your siblings might distance themselves away from you after they get married and start families of their own.

[Opinion Owner]

You make a valid point that a spouse often provides a unique level of support and companionship that can be deeply meaningful. Spouses typically share a significant portion of their lives together, which can lead to strong emotional bonds. However, it's worth noting that while spouses can provide a high level of support, the importance of various relationships, including friends and family, should not be underestimated. These connections can also be incredibly valuable and fulfilling, and they can provide support and companionship in different ways. It's essential to cultivate a diverse social network to ensure a well-rounded support system, especially as life circumstances change.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

Having a spouse makes external social support such as family, friends less necessary. Whereas compared to when you're living alone, external social support is absolutely necessary. And we all know making friends becomes more difficult as people get older. But no friend will ever show you the love, care, support a spouse can give you. Humans are meant to be tribal animals. Humans are meant to want to be loved.

[Opinion Owner]

While a spouse can offer significant emotional support, it's essential to recognize that marriage is not a one-size-fits-all solution for everyone. There are individuals who may find happiness, fulfillment, and support in life without being married. Being single can provide a sense of independence and autonomy that might not be as easily achievable within a marriage. How important is personal freedom, choice, and individual goals compared to the support from a spouse?

[Opinion Owner]

Relying solely on a spouse for emotional support can be risky. What happens in the event of divorce, separation, or the unfortunate loss of a spouse? Having a broader social network can offer a safety net.

Some people may thrive as single individuals and find happiness and emotional support from various activities, hobbies, or personal growth. How do individual differences in personality and interests play a role in the choice to marry or stay single?

[Opinion Owner]

In nutshell marriage is not the only path to a fulfilling and supported life.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

where else are you going to find someone who would love and care for you just like a spouse? maybe your mother. but she's dead. So you won't have any love and support from anyone. Nobody will have your back when you need it the most. This can lead to a lot of stress in life. Stress can cause health problems.

you can try to live a happy life doing hobbies but who are you going to do those activities with? likely, no one. You can say "friends" but friends are increasingly difficult to make as you get older. You would be lucky if you can find 1 person to do a certain hobby with.
Humans are meant to be tribal animals. We are designed to crave companionship. Hobbies mean little if you can't ever have someone to do it with.

Sure you can go to dance class that is filled with other fellow dancers. But these people are just fellow dancers, they're not going to routinely visit you to keep you company or attend to your needs or be there for you when you need it the most.

People who you talk to on the street will not make up for a lack of a spouse.

[Asker]

when you're married, you get spouse who is caretaker, a therapist, a love giver, a soother who hugs you when you need it the most. this is why married people live longer.

Hobbies are more fun with people than all alone. Life is more fun with other people than alone. There is a very big difference between a life well lived versus merely existing.

[Opinion Owner]

Marriage is not a guarantee of love and support; it depends on the quality of the relationship. Many people find themselves in unsatisfying or even harmful marriages. How does one balance the potential benefits of marriage with the risks of an unhealthy partnership?

[Opinion Owner]

You are really sweet girl who knows how to debate with respect. Rarely found nowadays on G@G. The guy would be lucky to have you.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

Healthy marriages and relationships are created. They don't just happen. According to many Americans, they believe that healthy loving marriages just automatically happen and don't require any effort.

Once you hit a certain older age, you will find that having someone next to you that you can talk to and do things with is way more important than having the "perfect" soulmate by your side.

[Opinion Owner]

Effort alone may not sustain a relationship if there is a fundamental lack of compatibilityPeople's needs and preferences for companionship vary greatly. Some individuals may prioritize solitude or non-romantic relationships, even as they age, while others may desire a traditional marriage. The belief that companionship is the ultimate goal can be influenced by societal pressures.

[Asker]

There is a reason why divorce had never been common for thousands of years until the past few decades where nobody seems to be able to stay married.

When people live in a mindset where they can divorce easily because they believe there is always someone better out there... their chances of having a successful marriage is extremely low. Today we base a marriage's outcome on luck or on finding the " right person". 100 years ago, people worked on their marital problems instead of divorcing.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

it is companionship which is why married people live longer than single people. you're lonely when you're unmarried. And as evidence shows, loneliness kills.

Very few people crave solitude. Much of those who do tend to have been hurt in the past and are afraid of bonding with other people. Humans are designed to crave companionship. Nothing is ever going to change that. We are tribal animals by evolution

[Opinion Owner]

You bring up a valid point about the historical context of marriage and the changing attitudes toward divorce. This perspective highlights the idea that commitment and working on marital problems were more prevalent in the past. I appreciate.

[Asker]

[Effort alone may not sustain a relationship if there is a fundamental lack of compatibilityPeople's needs and preferences for companionship vary greatly.]

nobody is telling you that you should marry someone who is incompatible to you. But much of the reason why people divorce so much nowadays is because they have high expectations of marriage and also because they always believe there is someone better out there for them.

you will never ever have a successful marriage if you always believe there is someone better out there waiting for you.

And if you are going to base your marital success entirely on luck rather than hard work and determination, your chances of marital success won't be very high.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

I think everything I have said on here is valid. Its just that you probably have some sort of bias against or discomfort in acknowledging that married people do tend to live longer that singles.

[Opinion Owner]

Ultimately, the value of marriage and companionship can vary greatly from person to person. The key is to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all answer, and that individuals have diverse needs, desires, and circumstances when it comes to forming and maintaining relationships

[Asker]

@opinion owner

evidence already shows the terrible impacts of loneliness... evidence already shows married individuals tend to live heathier longer lives. Evolutionarily, humans are designed to be tribal social animals.

there is no doubt that having companionship is a crucial component to a healthy mind and body.

there definitely is a one size fits all. Its just that you seem to have some sort of personal bias against the need for social connections.

[Opinion Owner]

May I know your username Pink Anonymous?

[Asker]

we are just exchanging ideas so we can learn a thing or two from each other. Not sure why that would make a difference.

[Opinion Owner]

Discovering and learning about different viewpoints can help you gain a broader understanding of the world and the complexities of human relationships. I am not biased. I am just discovering and learning more about relationship from your point of view.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

Life means nothing if you have nobody to celebrate birthdays with, nobody to cheer you on your achievements, nobody to run home to eat Christmas dinner with. Nobody to do things with. Nobody to check up on you.

Living in solitude is a very meaningless existence.

Eating at a homeless shelter where you get to interact with a few people might relieve some of that loneliness but its really not the same as having family that loves you.

Vast majority of people are designed to crave companionship and love. Much of the very rare few who enjoy solitude usually have been hurt in the past which is why they prefer to avoid bonding with others. It is highly unusual and rare to meet someone who enjoys living in solitude.

[Opinion Owner]

You've expressed some deep and valid feelings about the importance of companionship and human connection in life. Many people do indeed find great meaning and happiness in their relationships with family and friends. Loneliness can be challenging, and it's important to reach out and seek support or build connections with others if you're feeling isolated. Everyone's preferences and experiences are unique, and it's essential to find what works best for you in terms of social interaction and companionship.

[Asker]

Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.1

www.cdc.gov/.../lonely-older-adults.html

In an analysis of 70 studies on over 3 million participants, researchers found that increased risk of premature death was between 26 and 32 percent higher in individuals who were lonely or socially isolated (Holt-Lunstad, et al., 2015).

The authors of this study point out that obesity and smoking, which get constant media attention, lead to the same risk for premature death as loneliness.

www.psychologytoday.com/.../how-loneliness-affects-our-health-and-well-being

www.nytimes.com/.../loneliness-epidemic.html

[Asker]

Numerous studies covering 140 years have shown that married persons tend to live longer than their unmarried counterparts.

www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB5018.html

Statistics on marriage and health show that married men are healthier than unmarried or divorced men

www.health.harvard.edu/.../marriage-and-mens-health

[Opinion Owner]

Marriage can be challenging, and some people want to avoid the potential stress, conflicts, and responsibilities that can come with it. Being single can allow for greater financial flexibility, as one does not have to share assets or consider a partner's financial situation when making decisions. If two people have fundamentally different views on life, values, or goals, it may be best for them to remain single rather than enter into a marriage that might be incompatibleCommitment can be intimidating for some people, and they may choose to stay single to avoid the pressures and expectations associated with marriage.

[Asker]

@opinion owner

you can stay single but there is a big price that you pay for being single. Making friends gets harder as you get older. Just remember that.

Marriage really does not have to be challenging. Its your perspective of marriage which makes or breaks marriage.

Marry someone compatible: similar hobbies, compatible temperament, lifestyle habits, similar values in life... things can really work.

But if you have super high expectations of marriage, its not going to work.

[Opinion Owner]

It's true that being single can have its own set of challenges, and making friends may become more difficult as you get older. However, not everyone desires or needs to be in a marriage to find fulfillment and happiness. It's a personal choice, and some people find contentment and meaningful connections through other means,

Marriage can indeed be a fulfilling and harmonious partnership when both partners are compatible and share similar values and interests. Managing expectations and communication are crucial in any relationship, and having realistic expectations can contribute to a more successful marriage.

Ultimately, the path to happiness and fulfillment can vary greatly from person to person, and there's no one-size-fits-all approach to life and relationships. It's important to make choices that align with your own values and desires. Let's wind up here. It was nice chatting with you and discussing pink anonymous

[Asker]

@opinion owner

there is proof that path to fulfillment and happiness is a one size fits "vast majority".

if everyone had different things they wanted out of life, lonely people wouldn't live shorter lives. Married people wouldn't live longer lives than singles.

Its time for you to start acknowledging that social connections are important to a life well lived.

[Anonymous]

People in a SUCCESSFUL marriage tend to live longer. The problem today, especially for men, is that half of marriages are NOT successful long term and it is women who end them in 80% of cases.

Most guys would want to get married if they knew their wife wouldn't destroy their lives a few years later.

[Asker]

some people are able to stay married because they prefer to work on their problems instead of divorcing. healthy marriage is created. It doesn't just automatically happen without effort. Dying alone as a single person is a lonely existence.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree with all of that, but it doesn't change anything I wrote.

[Asker]

it does change everything you wrote. because until you realize that love is a choice rather than something that falls onto your lap, you will never be able to have a successful marriage. divorced people divorce because they refuse to work on their problems. it is easier to divorce than to compromise. and this will only lead to a life of loneliness dying alone.

divorce is a choice. don't act like it isn't.

my parents had many nasty fights when i was a child... but they still chose to remain married. they've been married since 1991

[Opinion Owner]

Again, I agree with all of that. And again, it doesn't change anything I wrote. Perhaps my point just didn't sink in, so I expand on it for you.

Half of marriages end in divorce, and women file 80% of them. A little basic math tells us that any man who gets married has a 40% chance that his wife will leave him, and very likely take the kids with her.

Many women will argue that it's all because men behave badly, so their wives divorce them. But the fact is lack of commitment is the #1 reason for divorce. What does that tell us when taken with the fact that women file 80% of divorces?

I'll add one more important piece of information. If we compare divorce rates in gay, lesbian and heterosexual couples, the lowest rate is among gay couples, the highest rate, by far, is among lesbian couples, and the rate among heterosexual couples is somewhere in between, but closer to the rate for gay couples. In other words, the more women involved, the higher the divorce rate.

So, you are correct that love is a choice, that marriages require work, compromise and long-term commitment. But it seems men take all of that much more seriously than today’s women.

So back to my original point, a successful, lasting marriage is better for the health and longevity of both men and women, but when half of marriages end in divorce, the vast majority are because of women, and men's lives tend to be destroyed in divorce, it should be no mystery to anyone why so many men are choosing not to subject themselves to that. You can't just say marriage is better than the alternative. SUCCESSFUL marriage is better, but men can only control some of that success. Women need to do better, or marriage will soon be a thing of the past.

[LiamJHayden]

Do we have the full studies, so we can see all the parameters included? For example, what age groups did they include? If they start early enough, most of the guys will not be married and each death will ridiculously skew the numbers.

There is also the large number of divorces, which stress a lot of people. Are the divorced counted as single? Are the widowed?

[jshm2]

People will try anything to justify their behaviour.

Usually they are single because they should NOT be around civilised people, let alone married.

[andreasderjuengere]

I'd prefer a shorter life, but a spectacular one :)

[Asker]

you won't have a blast in life being all alone and dying alone. you will just lead a lonely life

[andreasderjuengere]

I see it the same way. But... you asked about marriage :D
I blasted two of those, and have no faith in their functionality any more.
And there's this other detail: what is a long life good for, when one does not fill it with -well- fullness? I do see ''married'' couples at high age, and they are bored and boring as fuck...

[Asker]

@andreasderjuengere

married couples stay married because they refuse to divorce. do you realize that? a healthy marriage is created, it doesn't just automatically fall onto your lap. vast majority of married couples are together because they prefer to work on their problems instead of looking for someone else.

[andreasderjuengere]

How is this related to a longer life?
I also wonder: meanwhile faggots, lesbians and engineered genders as well are 'permitted' to marry in certain regions of the planet.
I see no appeal left.

[Asker]

if thats your only way of coping,

[andreasderjuengere]

I don't cope.
I live :D

[jahaims]

Because they have only experienced unhealthy relationships

[Asker]

healthy relationships are created. they don't just automatically happen. American people think that good relationships just happen and require no effort. this is why you break up so much

[Anonymous]

because divorce is always right around the corner for married men whether they are at fault for it or not

[Asker]

divorces happen because marriage treats women unfairly.

[Opinion Owner]

men are the ones refusing marriage and women are the ones begging for marriage

[Asker]

@opinion owner

you will never be able to have kids if you won't commit to a woman. women want commitment, not to raise a kid with a fuck boy

[CalmUntilAbused]

Oh, but the funny thing is... They would like the kids to be raised with a responsible man, but if they were made with a fuck boy... It's fine, or even better than if they were made with the (over) responsible man who's going to raise them.

[CalmUntilAbused]

While it's not an absolute rule... It's common enough to instill fear and hesitation in the responsible men.

[Asker]

@CalmUntilAbused

No you be surprised how many fathers ou there are irresponsible. Plenty of women will commit to any guy who wants to commit to her. A lot of womenbeven marry poor men

[Anonymous]

Being single is a death sentence that people bring onto themselves. Sad.

[CalmUntilAbused]

Well, at least it's death on their own terms (and yet, most likely not by their own hand). Death itself is feared too much. Even if it was a wall and not a gate to eternity, it would still end all suffering. That's truly optimistic, especially in the current situation.