The love of my life is completely broke, but trying to find work. Should I stay with him?

[Anonymous]

He’s from the USA and comes from a really poor family in a poor rural town. I come from a well off family. I thought and my family, who worked hard for their money, that my fiancé was being lazy and not wanting to work. But it turns out that he’s been trying really hard, for years, but he didn’t get hired. He just was too ashamed to tell me. He’s so broke that when he comes to England to stay with my family, I’ll have to buy his two way ticket and pay for the wedding, the honeymoon and the marriage and citizenship visas. He asked me if I’m sure about him and I am, since I know he’s trying and he’s quite smart enough to find work in a bigger city. If I really love him and I do, should I marry him? Stick by him for better or worse and wait for him to earn more money?

Updates

+1 y

This is a real question. I have been thinking about how we might make ends meet, as my parents wanted me to make my own way in life and my depression is really bad, so I’m on the pension, unable to work.

[Anonymous]

Depends. Do you have much options as far as your age? If not than you might consider staying w him. But in my opinion you should let him go. Most people, when they’re younger struggle financially. As they get older, especially men their income goes up. Maybe I’m wrong, but if he’s the same age as you, maybe almost 40, he should have established something by now. Why is he having a hard time finding a job? I would see it more difficult for younger men finding a job because most times they don’t have many skills at such a young age. By now, at his age he should have something going for himself. I’d walk.

[Lliam]

I think you should stay with him for now. Give him a chance. See if he can find a job once in England.
But I wouldn't marry him until he got a job and proved that he could provide for you.

[Lliam]

Thanks for the MHO. :-)
Best of luck to you and your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

I think you need to consider the dynamic you would want in your marriage, should you get married. Do you want to have to continue working or would you rather be a stay at home? Would you be willing to give up the lifestyle you are accustomed to in order to be with this man? Are you willing to be the main provider? Would you be okay with being the sole provider?
There is always the possibility that he could become discouraged and would want to give up looking for a job, though at this point he needs to take what he can get. He should not be too proud to flip burgers or scrub toilets.

[Asker]

Yes, I’m willing to give up my lifestyle I’m used to💕

[petitedollbabee]

I don’t think that you should leave him if he’s the love of your life, but I don’t believe that you should get married until he starts providing some financial stability. There will be a job out there willing to hire him. Do you have proof that he is actually job seeking, or are you only trusting what he says? Sounds a bit fishy.

[Asker]

Trusting what he says.

[Asker]

He was there for me when he thought I was poor, through my rehab experience and my major depressive episodes and loved me unconditionally.

[petitedollbabee]

I would start asking for proof if I were you.. ask him how his job search is going. Ask him what places he’s applied to work at. Ask to see his CV/work application. Etc. If he’s being honest, then he will have no problem with telling you and showing you his efforts.

[Bethany22]

What types of jobs has he been applying to? Surely there are jobs available, like in restaurants, and other labor type jobs that no one wants to do anymore because they all have university degrees. If he really wanted to find work, he would. It's in the same way as if you really wanted to look good for him, you'd dress well and wear makeup.

[Anonymous]

For your age range this sounds very naive and young minded. This man has absolutely nothing to offer you, and may very well be taking advantage of you, and you just go along with it? I think you’d be trapping yourself with a lowlife who you’d feel stuck with taking care of since he’s in a whole different country with no connections but you.

[Paris13]

There is No Reason of Any Season to Not Be Able to Find Work. You will Incessantly Be Enabling Him, Once you Have Started Supporting Him. Put a HOLD on The Honeymoon, mate!!! xxoo

[KrakenAttackin]

You know you are going to dump him, the sisterhood will insist upon this.

[jahaims]

He isn't the love of your life if it is a question. It doesn't take a year or years to find work.

[Dkc123]

If your relation is transactional then pls don't use the word 'love' in it.

[Asker]

It’s not transactional on my side.

[Dkc123]

You're the one asking to leave him or not here.. coz he's broke n looking for work..

[Asker]

Well, I’m also the one who’s broke and has to fund his visit and pay for the wedding and the visas while I’m unemployed.

[Asker]

and living at home