Why would a man marry a woman he never was in love with?

Question

My mother is still hurt by what supposedly my father told her way back in 2012. I didn't hear that but according to her, during an argument he told her that he always loved his ex girlfriend from his youthful years and that she's not the love of his life, never was.

This has totally changed my mother's whole opinion and views (she had lost her virginity to him when she was his girlfriend) towards my father. I can understand why some women do that; we get older and have to settle at one point if we can't get our first option or suffer unrequited love.

But honestly, if the man is the one proposal marriage and spending his resources... why would he marry a woman he never was in love with? Why would he go through all the process of giving up his freedom to start a family with a woman he doesn't love? It makes no sense. Why?

wolfcat87 · Accepted Answer

Ha ha ha, not laughing at your mother's situation, but I have seen something similar first hand.

In high school I was engaged to a guy. But, he was a bit of a sociopath and liked to cheat. A number of girls decided to chase him knowing he had a girlfriend because he was very handsome and charming. We fought over him cheating with them. To make things worse, I got pregnant, and he had never wanted kids. So, he told me pick him or the baby. I picked the baby. So, he went off with the girl whose family had the most money.

So, this girl was a virgin and head over heels for him. He took her virginity. But, behind her back he's only ever wanted her because she's easy, obeys him, serves him, and he felt like her family was rich since he grew up in a trailer home and poor. Her dad has a small business, owns a home, and has a car garage with project race cars. He kept talking about how one day they will die and he will get everything. He cheated on her non stop for 17 years now. If a girl offers, he's not going to say no. She's miserable too. She tried to cheat and leave him once. He found out and spent years punishing her for it. Which is ironic considering how much cheating he's done.

And, to this day he does not love her more than he loved me in high school. He sees her more as someone to serve him and make the rest of his life easier. When he found out she cheated, the first thing he did was ask if I would take her place. I said no, go home and deal with it. And, that's when her years of punishment began. She's never going to be able to have kids or a life. He keeps tight control on everything. He's also morbidly obese now and not handsome. He spends all of her money and has them deeply in debt. He uses her to get off every day while doing nothing for her. And, he has no respect for her, because he's shown me videos.

So, for her it's a karma situation and for him it's her being useful to him. A man doesn't need to love a woman to see that she can be used to make his life better.

I'm not saying your mother's story was like this. But, I hope his behavior and thinking give you some insight.

VIVANT · Accepted Answer

Men don’t get to “choose” anymore than women do. The woman has to want to marry the guy as the guy has to want to marry the woman. No one chooses. They both want to or they don’t marry,

Whomever asks, isn’t choosing, they are just going through a formality.. most people already know if the other person wants to marry them before “asking” bc it’s crazy to put a person in a position of making a life decision in two seconds when you had however long you took to think about it.

ad far as settling, I’m not speaking to your parents bc I don't know them but in general, gender doesn’t take away the feeling if time running out. people get older and if they want to start s family which you’d parents have dime, I guess they look for someone they feel they can do that with.

passions of youth don’t necessarily make for solid life partners. It was very cruel if your dad to throw that at your mom but I’m sure it’s not I usual for people to marry who they feel is good for them not who they feel the strongest passion for

I feel for your mom tho. Just s really ugly very pointless thing to say, quite unforgivable.

lightbulb27 · Accepted Answer

Sounds like something said in the heat of argument (when one isn't thinking right) and you'd have to ask him what he was thinking when married your mom. It likely means he does love her, did love her, but wasn't the same feelings. He always had something for this one... that he didn't get. That's the problem with these 'itches... they can leave an open wound.

Which raises the question... what is "this love"? I tell you it is sub conscious familiarity with the other person, possibly manipulation... and lies. The other woman is gone, not what he imagines she is, and he has no idea how miserable he'd been with her. They did break up right! But all that he has... is those feelings... which came from sub conscious familiarity. Doesn't mean they were good for him. That's the problem and opportunity... to learn and grow. So his wound needs healed and put back i perspective.

After he addresses that lie he's telling himself, he can return to why he loves your mom and what he loves about and chose her. It's a choice to love, not a bunch of feeligns.

I know a person in this scenario currently... ditchedhis long time wife to go after the woman of his dreams from his childhood memories. He is suffering in torture, a slow death and will in time, become a pile of ashes. It doesn't always work out... what is projected from the child within heart.

Can't erase your mind, but can put things into perspective...

More than likely, there are other issues going on as time has changed.

Don't believe everything someone says... for they draw from within. If the within is failing, so it influence the output.

Aakash_Hangargi · Accepted Answer

It's as simple as next best option that's all life is too long to spend alone regretting the past and love can develop by companionship it's just that it takes time.

Men say all kind of things to keep themselves going because they have to shake of the feeling they cannot sit there and show emotions.

Best they do is be blunt , and your mom was his girlfriend as you said then he was ready already to commit.

The choice was with your mom actually to accept or not.

Unfulfilled love always feels the most special as it's unknown how things would have turned out.

What matters now are your parents happy at this point.

As you keeping getting older love transforms into many forms one which most can see is it transforms into caring!.

BrownSugar00 · Answer

For the sake of fitting in, not be alone, financial reasons, being taken care of...

These are the main reasons why, I would say. I have a cousin, who I don't like, who got married at 21 to a guy she didn't really love, I suppose. He asked her to marry him because he didn't want to be alone during COVID. I know that had marriage problems. I don't know if they're still together, but she uses her married surname on IG but not on Facebook. And she doesn't post photos of him or them together, so... one can only guess. I do not feel sorry for her. Even her (out) family was trying to tell her how it wasn't a good idea, but she didn't listen.

Hearing and knowing this sometimes makes me feel good about being single and not having found someone yet. Maybe I will or maybe I will never.

But this also goes to show to not marry when you're not ready, when you have not thought it all through, when you're still in the honeymoon phase, when you're not financially, mentally or emotionally stable, or when you're in your early 20s. You tend to make decisions based off of how you feel, which isn't always a good thing.

RingOfFire · Answer

Same reason that women often marry men just for their money.

A man may want a wife for a number of reasons including he might want kids, might want a partner to help get through life, wants regular sex, may have a better social rating if he is married, etc.

Just like some women settle for less than love for men with money, some men settle for less than love for those things.

sheikalana · Answer

Maybe he sees her as a stable partner and a potential good mother for their kids.

Radiate143 · Answer

Social advancement  The benefits of someone to keep house To look normal in society To forget someone else Timing

FreyaRed · Answer

I guess yes, because of peer pressure in societies where social norms are valuated very high..."When you took girl's virginity you have to marry her... a child needs a father... etc."
Hypergamy and hedonistic pursuit is valid for both sexes. Guys who complain about inequality are in the same time those who create this inequality because only body count matters.

kevypatyy7 · Answer

Maybe he felt betrayed and hurt by his ex girlfriend acts and he wanted to show her that he over it, you know man ego. And he realized your mom already liked him so better to be loved than love someone who will only you, right? Also maybe he thought he may love her in the future but he found it hard to do it

Anonymous · Answer

Same reason. Lack of options. And some guys end up regretting it. But that's not every case. Your father might be idealized a past love. He was also very young then. Odds are he had less of a concept of what love was back then. And it might not have worked out anyway.

Dkc123 · Answer

Cave man psychology 101..

Caveman - I'll give you food, roof n protection.
In return bear my kids n take care.. clean n cook and service whenever I want.

Woman - I don't need u I'm a strong independent woman.

The same Caveman - r**ps her n pass her to other cavemen.

Ironic_Method · Answer

Lots of people marry out of convenience. Or because kids.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Because it's security for him because she will never leave so he doesn't have to worry about being alone. Basically she's the safe option while he cheats with more attractive women that would leave him

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

My simple guess and answer: He wants everything he can gain from her, and he doesn't need love to get all of those things he wants from her.

LiamJHayden · Answer

One answer: Historically many/most marriages were arranged, to strengthen families. Often the couple did not even meeting till marriage or shortly before. In some places arranged marriages are still common.

Nerdvana · Answer

People do confuse love and lust all time unfortunately. I have known people to marry without love, which is crazy to me. But it happens. I wish I could have a few worlds with your dad. With all due respect.

Tharithi · Answer

Maybe he finds her out of his league , harder to satisfy. Whereas u were in his reach

RedInnocent68 · Answer

Confusion, expectation, obligation… It’s complicated. Still, probably the most brutal thing I expect one could say. Although, probably not true in the heat of the moment either. 🤔

Luméa · Answer

Some enter into arranged marriages or choose to marry for reasons other than passionate love

kingmaker21 · Answer

Liking & loving And marriage two different things

Anonymous · Answer

" can understand why some women do that" you answered your own question, its the same reason women do it.

Dargil · Answer

For her family's money. Because she gave a whopper blowjob. Because she was a trophy.

Anonymous · Answer

I married (and divorced) a woman I did not love. There was a lot of pressure to get married from family and I thought my wife would regain some sanity after we married... huge mistake.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Most guys have limited options.

blklblub · Answer

Money is one reason i can think of

Why would a man marry a woman he never was in love with?

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Why wouldn’t a man marry a woman despite claiming to love her?

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