Why do I believe I will never get married in my lifetime? Is this common fear?

[Anonymous]

And if you were someone who never thought you’d get married and you did find that person what changed for you? What advice would you have?

[BCRanger10]

Married man here. And I have a long answer coming up, so please be patient.

I worried about that for a while many years ago. For me, it was more that I had a lot of self-doubt and confidence issues. There was also a period where I was super busy with working more than one job. I was also a horrible over-thinker.

Most importantly though, I didn't really understand what my role as a man was, particularly in respects to dating and relationships. I didn't understand the way that women think about things. I thought that I had to be completely certain that if I were to ask a woman out, she already liked me and that she would accept. Basically, I didn't really know, understand, or have the will to take that risk.

So what changed?

I think one major thing for me is that I'd chat with women in the Catholic young adults group in my area, then I'd get home, log onto Catholic Match, and then see women I already knew who had profiles there. So I eventually started looking around and would think to myself "She's pretty and I never see her coming or leaving with anyone. She's smart, she's fun, she's kind, she's a faithful Catholic. Hmmm... I wonder what she's all about?" And then I'd ask her out. My roommate at the time and I were talking and he noted that women appreciated that I was making the effort because a lot of the other guys weren't.

I think your concern is within reason, especially today. Many people of marriage age today aren't much more mature than the average teenager, they've got tons of debt, they've got anxiety and depression, and a host of other issues. Many of these issues either weren't a thing or less common and intense than when I was growing up.

My advice to you

I'm not going to pretend like I have the perfect solution for you, because I don't. I had different struggles and experiences than you (without even knowing what yours are).

If you were to ask my advice, I'd simply say 1) know yourself well and what you want and need in a husband. 2) If a man risks the embarrassment of getting shot down while approaching or messaging you to ask you out, then at least give him an outing to vet him and let him show you what he's about. 3) Dress modestly. 4) Don't be afraid of having high standards. Be realistic though too. And 5) while you don't want to bring it up on the first date with perfect point-blank clarity (again, it's just a date), you should at some point make your intentions clear, as should he. If you want marriage, don't wait five or six years for him to ask you to marry him. Have a mind and a heart for marriage, but don't allow it to consume you.

Also, I realize that most people will shun this advice, but I'll still say it. Wait until you get married to have sex and to live together.

I'm sorry if I've gone on too long here. Maybe I should write a MyTake about this. Anyway, you have this fear because you are a human being who wants that companionship. And yes, it is a common fear. But you most certainly can find the right man if you know what you're looking for.

[Summeroflove]

I will say to pray and fast about it. Enjoy your life even if it’s hard at times. When the time is right God will bring you someone.


Don’t rush into marriage. It’s better to be alone then living with someone in your own house who makes your life miserable. Some people aren’t even had they just married the wrong person.

[IslaTheWitch]

because you focus too much on getting married. It's common to have fears about the things you focus your thoughts on...

so, focus on your career, education, hobbies, learning new skills, whatever will make you a better version of yourself... boost your self-esteem and confidence. What goes around comes around

[Mariena_Anne92]

Nah, it’s not. Even I think the same too. Some of us really not meant to have soulmate maybe. We just taking care of someone else soulmate till they finally found what they looking for and moving on. .

[SotiCoto]

Marriage isn't all it is cracked up to be. If it doesn't happen then don't worry about it. You're probably financially better off that way. Getting married is expensive. Getting divorced even moreso.

[Account]

I have the opposite issue. I dread the prospect of being married. Therefore I am unable to understand.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing given your age it's because you're unwilling to do what's necessary to do what's necessary to make that happen. Which is fine by the way. There's no law that says you have to. In fact if you're not truly committed it'd be better if you didn't.

[David94358]

Why not just contact some old boyfriend and ask them to be brutally honest with you on why it didn't work out.

Find out if it's something that you might be able to work on that is turning guys off of a long time relationship

[JacobJordan]

Because you likely will not unless you get married in the few years. 2030 projection is 45%+ of women between 20 and 45 are going to be single and childless.

[SolitarySolace]

Why would anyone want to get married? I don’t see the appeal at all. Want a companion? Get a dog or cat. Sex? Get a prostitute. children? Adopt. Marriage is pointless unless you’re woman seeking cash and prizes

[strateguy632]

sounds like despair like hopeless. just tell yourself you don't know the future and it is possibly better!

[Nikki1989]

I thought that, and then I met my husband. It can happen at any time.

[naartjie]

It’s very common. A lot of people feel this way including myself

[laly520]

u just too worried

its fine

n I dont think its too common

[OddBeMe]

No! No ones ever feared loneliness before. Be gone from us witch being! Be gone!

[Anonymous]

It's a dying institution from a bygone age

[BLP11520]

Common oh yeah advice? I don’t know