My finances cousin is not invited to our wedding?

[Anonymous]

Hello. Me and my fiancé are planning our wedding and had a dispute. I told him his cousin is not invited to our wedding. Hear me out here. His cousin has provided him with a lot of drugs such as coke heroine and meth. They sold weed together when they were 16, and would get drunk on his aunts couch from 15-20.

i believe this cousin has done nothing positive for my fiancé, and has only hurt his prospects in life.

he is a continual negative influence and my fiancé is a follower and wants to be included so will do what his cousin says.

my parents are paying for the wedding, and they said they will not pay if the cousin comes. I do not blame them and don’t want this guy anywhere near me.

how do I mitigate this or is my wedding off? My fiancé is pretty upset.

[WindAtMyBack]

This isn't really about the wedding. This is about your fiance, his cousin, and you. The wedding is only the immediate problem. But the problem will not go away after the wedding. Your husband will still be hanging around his cousin. His cousin will still be a bad influence. Your husband will still be doing things he shouldn't.

Why do you think any of this will change after the wedding? Do you approve of your fiance, his cousin, and the time they spend together? Is that something you want to live with for years to come? Will your husband continue hanging around his cousin even though he knows you don't approve, and with valid reasons?

Your finance needs to grow up, and so does his cousin. Doing drugs and dealing drugs when they are young is one thing. Are they still doing it in their 20s? Is your finance sneaking behind your back? Or do you suspect he might be, but is lying about it? Has your future husband become a man and grown out of his teenage partying years, and ready to be a grown adult with a wife?

It's not the wedding that you should be concerned about. For that matter, it's not what your parents should be concerned about either. If they don't want to pay for the wedding if your finance's cousin is invited, why are they paying for it at all?

Your finance is upset about this - the wedding. So how will he feel if you tell him you don't want him hanging around his cousin at all, even after the wedding?

If you think this is about the wedding, then you need to do some serious soul searching. You need to decide what kind of married life you want, and who you want to be your husband. Because this will not go away. As it stand now, it sounds like his cousin will be an ongoing part of YOUR life. It sounds like your finance just isn't ready to be married and be a responsible adult and husband.

This WILL NOT go away after the wedding.

[Asker]

I don’t care if he sees his cousin- his cousin lives about 1000 miles away. He is free to hang out with him- but not around me or my family.

My fiance has grown up- but for some reason he wants to keep casual contact.

His cousin is dangerous he can’t be around me

[AviatorTom]

There's a simple rue in weddings. The bride gets to invite whoever she wants and the groom gets to invite whoever he wants. The couple also gets to invite whoever they jointly want. All this, of course, is usually limited to the number of total guests, split between those three choices. For example, if the wedding is planned for 150 guests, bride, groom, and couple each get to invite 50 people.

Your parents' refusal to pay for the wedding if the cousin is invited is extremely short-sighted, and shows how they really feel about you, their daughter. Namely, it's all about them and the control they have over you. Sad. Very sad.

[Asker]

To be quite fair, I don’t want his cousin there either. The cousin would bring a bong and smoke every five minutes get excessively drunk do cocaine on the tables and basically ruin the whole event…

[AviatorTom]

So it's all about you? Your fiancé has no say in he matter?

[Anonymous]

please realize that if you're marrying this guy, you are also marrying into his family. your fiance is upset. you two need to compromise...

[BetaBucks]

Excluding him from the wedding won't fix anything. If he's going to disrupt the wedding, I get it though.


If he's still an active problem for your fiance, and it's going to cause inevitable marital issues, you need to be firm about it with your fiance. Or at least set some boundaries about drug use or excessive alcohol use. No one is obligated to put up with a drug user or binge drinker. If that was all in the past though, you probably just need to let it go.

[Asker]

The issue is my fiancé has a weird obsession and fixation on his cousin. I think it’s because of all the trouble they got into and the drinking and drugs etc. I think it brings him back to more carefree wild days. When he cousin is around he gets crazy eyes and acts very strange. I know a wedding is a day for both of us- but I couldn’t stand the thought of this guy ruining the day or my fiancé acting crazy.

His cousin is already not allowed in my house or any other family members house. The dude is scary.

[Asker]

Additionally, he is inviting quite a few people I don’t care for. But it’s his day too and I’m not arguing or complaining at all- but the cousin is where the line is drawn for me and my parents too.

[Asker]

I don’t believe in excluding people but in this scenario I think he has to be

[DrPepper12]

If you get a veto on a guest so does he. Fair is fair. Either agree to that or this marriage is already doomed for that reason PLUS you allowing your parents to have a 100% say instead of a dialogue, even if they are paying, is 🚩

[exitseven]

Maybe if you lend this loser some money you will never see him again.