My boyfriend proposed to me 5 months ago and has not brought anything up about it again?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend proposed to me 5 months ago. He bought me a jelly ring off of Amazon. That's fine, I didn't expect anything fancy. He was previously engaged to his fiance before me but broke up due to him catching her cheating. He gave her his mother's ring and worked overtime to put a bigger diamond into it for her. He got down on one knee and gave her a speech about starting their lives together. He walked in while I was showering and proposed. ( This is the first time I have ever been proposed to) I feel like more thought was put into the proposal before me. It's been 5 months since he has asked and has not brought it up again. I can't help but feel like the girl before me had a more thoughtful proposal. I'm not a materialistic person. But a more meaningful proposal would have been nice. It seems like since it has not been brought up after 5 months it did not mean anything. Am I wrong?

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that's a really tough situation you're in. I can totally understand why you'd be feeling a little hurt and uncertain about the whole proposal thing. It definitely sounds like there was a lot more thought and effort put into the proposal he did for his ex-fiancée compared to the one he gave you.

The fact that he hasn't brought it up again in 5 months is definitely concerning. It makes it seem like maybe he didn't put as much meaning or significance behind proposing to you. And I can see why that would make you feel a little less special or valued.

At the same time, I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet. Maybe he's waiting for the right time to talk about it more, or maybe he's just unsure how to bring it up again. Or it could be that he really was just trying to do something simple and low-key for you.

My advice would be to try to have an open and honest conversation with him about it. Let him know how you're feeling - that you appreciate the proposal, but that you can't help comparing it to the one he did for his ex. See if he's willing to explain his thought process a bit more. Communication is key here.

If he still seems distant or unwilling to discuss it, then yeah, that might be a red flag. You deserve to feel special and treasured, not like an afterthought. But give him a chance to explain himself first before jumping to any conclusions.

Ultimately, you know your relationship best. Trust your gut and don't be afraid to advocate for what you need, even if it means having a tough conversation. You got this, girl! Just focus on being true to yourself.

[Fireguy17]

well, you didn't exactly seem like you wanted to get married, so he is probably just putting in time until he walks away and finds someone that wants to marry him, not say yes based on how he asks them.

[Asker]

Actually I've been asking about getting married since a year after we've been together. I was told I was being impatient. I think I deserve a little more thought than a one night stand. If he wants someone else he knows where the door is.

[DishLady]

So you're comparing his previous proposal to his proposal to you... that's never a good start to any kind of relationship... but that's your choice.

He got you the jelly ring... Um... ok. Where's the big rock? And why did there need to be a bigger diamond on the setting? Where's the original diamond? (Older ones may be smaller but they're often more valuable...)

You're NOT a materialistic person? Um... ok.

It's meaningful that he proposed. It's meaningful that he DIDN'T just do the same shit he did for the other girl.

Most guys only bring a proposal up ONCE -- the day of the proposal. What do you WANT from this guy? Think carefully... what would be ENOUGH for you? Bc from here it looks like you're not going to be happy with anything he does.

[Nikki1989]

He seems like a real flake and not someone you should marry.

[Summeroflove]

It seems like the balls in your court. He’s probably waiting until you feel ready to get married and doesn’t want to push it too far.

You’re the one who turned it down so if you’re wanting to get married. You should talk to him about it as well as tell him directly how you feel. Maybe you’re not meant to be married maybe you are. But I see lack of communication on your end as well. It takes two people to make a relationship work. He can’t be putting all the effort in and you’re giving none.

[Anonymous]

what is he supposed to say? why not just talk about this with him? or start wedding planning like engaged people do?

[Anonymous]

That's why you have to have the wedding planner waiting in the parking lot.

[Intheclouds00]

Yeah, until he comes correct with the ring, it ain't real.

[Anonymous]

He is trying to protect himself from being hurt all over again. You need to reassure him that you are different from her and will not hurt him.

[Asker]

Thank you for taking the time to reply! We have been together 4 years and have a 2 year old daughter together. Maybe it's just me as a person, I'm not sure.

[Opinion Owner]

Why did you two decide to start a family together?

[Asker]

To be honest my daughter was not planned. His previous fiance lied about being pregnant. I wanted the baby but gave him the option to walk away if he didn't want her. He wanted to keep her. So we moved in together and have been raising her together. We were together for 2 years at that time. We got along, he treated me like I was a person, something I wasn't use to.

[Opinion Owner]

The fact that you two had brought a life into the world tells me that you really care about one another. You do not need words to express your love for each other when you have expressed your feelings for one another by having a family together.

[Asker]

I appreciate that. I guess I just feel like I'm less? If that makes sense. I think the thing that bothers me is his lack of thought of the whole thing. I don't really care about a ring but just the overall thought. I feel like more thought was put into the previous fiance and it hurt my feelings to be honest. I don't know maybe that sounds stupid.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, I agree that more thought was put into the previous proposal. However, that is the reason why he is scared to go all out with another proposal. It has nothing to do with you being less, it has to do with him protecting his heart from being hurt for a second time. You need to simply reassure him that things are different this time around because you want to spend the rest of your life with him and nobody else but him.

[Asker]

What you are saying makes sense. I should have given more background on his relationship, I'm sorry. His previous relationship was one from online dating. They met one time in person, got drunk together, came back a week later and said she was pregnant. I was told by him that he did not like her but felt obligated to propose. God that sounds like a terrible soap opera writing that down. I guess my point is someone who was basically a one night stand received more thought. Which kind of hurts and sucks at the same time. I'm really terrible at this, I'm sorry.

[Opinion Owner]

I am not trying to defend his actions of putting more thought into her proposal than his proposal to you. I am simply stating the facts that there is a reason for it, and it has nothing to do with you. He is hurt and fears that his heart will be broken again. Simply reassure him how your relationship is different from theirs without saying anything bad about her. You need to simply reassure him in a positive manner.

[Anonymous]

Did you not say yes?

[Asker]

I said yes.

[Opinion Owner]

And he just let things go on like normal? That’s strange.

[Asker]

He hasn't mentioned it since then. I keep waiting for him to say something about it but he never does.

[Opinion Owner]

You need to talk to him