It's been 7 years & my boyfriend still hasn't proposed? What do y'all think?

[HoneyBerry]

You guys, I feel sad. It's been 7 years, no proposal. He disappeared for 2 years yet randomly came back & he continues to act like I'm his wife, having me do everything wifey like for him but without the ring. Sure, he's great, were in love, happy, he gives me money & buys me stuff but I want a marriage commitment. Is that asking too much? He's almost 50! I'd think he would wanna settle down by now... What do y'all think?

[btbc92]

Let me ask you a question. Why would he need a wife when you are ready or like a wife to him by being his girlfriend for 7 years without much for commitment on his part? That means not only are you having sex with him which is outside of marriage and a sin before God for seven years, you doing everything for this man for seven years, he's 50 years old more than half of your senior. Please tell me why and what would he want to get married? I got a hint for you. It was never his plan to marry you from the get-go and you wasted 7 years of your time basically slaving away for a man who had zero plans of ever marrying you.

Does that mean that you're not worth it? In my opinion no. Overall who knows. But at the end of the day oh, what do you really want? If you really want to get married, then my suggestion is that you leave out of this relationship but he is if he's not treating you right. If you don't care about that, then you stay where you are and just deal with it because in the end you picked him and he picked you. These days many men are just looking for a girlfriend that can go out with on the couch. They are not looking to put in work for something that they can automatically get for free because women be there is only open up the leg but the cater to everything of a man's whims because they know that woman's value is mostly between was in her legs and how much she makes him feel. Men do not have to put in as much work unlike the past anymore. Overall that's all I had to say when this matter. The rest is up to you.

[btbc92]

What this tells the man is that he can do whatever he wants without having much respect for you. That also says that not only have you gotten to this relationship for the wrong reasons, you got yourself involved with a person who was not going to meet those ends that you desire. If you desired marriage, you should make that clear from the very beginning. And when you see that there is nothing being Mets that's when you pull yourself back and you find somebody else who's going to give you the commitment that you desire. Dating is about processing and elimination. It's not meant for you to stay in Forever. You didn't process this guy and you didn't eliminate him. But you love a man who obviously doesn't love you enough to marry you permanently. Men may have a lot of trust issues with women and it's understandable, but this is why a lot of women have trust issues with men. You having sex with a person without no form of security, protections, Etc. That means you're not only unprotected legally for the most part, he can basically walk in and out of your life at any given time, when it's bad enough you can walk out at any given time but now you wasted seven years in a person that you invested that you also said that you loved. It leaves room for uncertainty Hibbett nowadays people are no longer caring about really loving the person is now about competition not only of the Sexes but sexual competition.

Here is a good way to know what kind of man you are dealing with. If a man is not talkin about marriage and kids, nine out of 10 times he does not want to get married or have kids. It's speaking negatively about marriage and children you can bet he has no desire of getting married and he definitely doesn't want kids, and there's a high possibility that he may even want you to commit abortion if God forbid you ever end up pregnant by that man.

[btbc92]

A woman of value would not stoop herself as low as a man just to keep him. Why do you think you have such a high age Gap? Lots of people think I'm just discriminating against it but there's a very good reason for that too as well as those within the age range. You don't put out duties of a wife until you become a wife to somebody. A man must be able to show that he is able to provide, protect, lead, and most importantly he has God in his life. If he chooses to spend money on a woman who is not married who that's his choice but he cannot complain about the money he spent. You're just a live-in girlfriend I'm sorry to say. This is what selfishness gets a person. In the end he wins and you lose. So I highly suggest you bring this up. But when you bring it up, be prepared for when you may have to leave. Because there's no going back once you make your decision.

[HoneyBerry]

@btbc92 you make a lot of sense! I may indeed be in love with a man who's never planned on marrying me. While we aren't currently living together, and he does talk about wanting kids, I didn't bring up marriage in the first year - it's my fault for letting this go on so long and not getting my needs met. But at the same time he is my first boyfriend so I guess I wasn't aware it was on my part to say "hey marry me or get lost"... Yet after reading this I see what you mean.

[Femmefatale97]

In my opinion, I believe that you should walk away. At least for now. He is taking you for granted and although men would like to make us think that they do not play games, they are the greatest masters at it. Actually, this is the Game itself. He is continuously testing you to see whether he will get away with not fully committing to you. Just the fact that he disappeared for two years and you let him come back just like that - it's wrong on so many levels. You should have honestly not replied to him for 4 more years. It is a sad and crazy looking reality, but guys honestly chase and once they feel like they have you, they get too comfortable and think everything is allowed. Without words, show him through your actions that your time is precious and you don't have time for uncertainty. Take a step back, hang out with your friends and keep busy - show him you most certainly do not depend on him and can thrive on your own. Once again, I know it sounds insane, but you need to lose him a bit to have him fully down the road. Remember, guys are guys and they love the chase, even when they claim they do not. Whatever you do, never ever pressure him into long term commitment through words or desperate appearing actions - you will drive him away. Once he senses that he might lose you, and if he deeply cares about you, he will do everything in his power to keep you. Stay strong and know you are happy on your own regardless.
- The Rational Female

[Sleevey]

Yes, you are asking to much. I’ll make an assumption that he was previously married. If so, then he joins a large club of guys saying never again. So expecting him to ask you to marry him may not hold any appeal to him.

If he’s never been married he’s been that way for a reason and by 50 is set in his ways.

So first did he tell you he did not want to marry? If so and your goal was to get married then you’ve made the common mistake of “I can change him”. But you really can’t.

you have been together for 7 years and happy, if you are younger than him to the extent of wanting to have children then I can understand the need to marry. Children raised by both parents are way ahead of the game.

But if you want a “Marriage commitment” excluding kids then I can only assume it’s a matter of money and you are trying to get married for the financial gain that wives/Ex-wives get during and after marriage. your mention of his giving you money and buys you stuff as a way to describe your relationship adds to the impression that it’s not love it’s money.

So if he has told you before, in your 7 year relationship, that he does not want kids or marriage then move on to someone who does. If you want a companion that treats you well then he seems a catch.

‘’if it’s just a need to have a commitment through marriage, initiate a prenup that removes money from situation. It might be all it takes. I don’t know if you’ve read the fine print but marriage is a terrible deal for men. It’s just not worth the risk.

[DannyUk2017]

If your age is 29 as its says under ur name, and he is almost 50, than makes sense... you just Jumped to exactly what every woman is after "financial gain and glitter". Gives you money, buys you stuff, you do wifey stuff then yeah makes sense..."HE IS PLAYING SAFE". He keeps you financed and glitter while you keep doing your stuff andplease him also!😉. The safe part is that he "knows" that if he puts a "ring" on ur finger, then divorce is going to be very Cost eficient (for you), Half of his wealth will be urs, and he will be left with nothing... so be grateful for what u have now... later might nit have "all this luxe" and u'll miss it soo much! As long as you two feel good, what's the point in having a "ring"? 🤔

[Paris13]

... He's almost 50! Too much like a Fat Cat now who is Cozy in the Corner. You will NEVER get Him to Budge, Just Nudge, This-Hisss is PUR-FECT for Him. It is 7 years and the Seven Year Itch Twitch That Tells me that he is happy with what He Has, No paper commitment, Although a Ring would be Nice, Regardless if he Threw the Dice. Be contented. You have now just Been---Rented. It is not always Greener on the Other Side of the Female fence.
Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck. xx

[Paris13]

My cousin is in her 30's and her Man for 5 years is near 50 and will never Get married. He is Divorced, With a Daughter her Age. xx

[lumos]

Why don't you actually talk to him about it and ask what he wants? He's almost 50 and dating someone nearly 20 years younger than him... if we want to stereotype, I don't think he's in any rush to marry.

[ragequeen]

You need to ask him if he ever wants to get married. Be subtle about it, like say "can you ever see yourself getting married one day?", if he says no, and you want marriage, you should break it off.

[Apple1996]

Maybe you should propose to him and if he says no then leave

[yucychan]

I agree with btbc92 on a point. If you are already acting like a wife to him even before you two are married, then why would he want to marry you at all? Doesn't matter if he is closing 50 or 40 or 60, if he doesn't want to marry you, then he doesn't want to marry you. It's that simple.

And the fact that he disappeared for 2 years and you still accept such an asshole in your life clearly shows how irrational you are. Could you stop being such a lovefool?

[HoneyBerry]

@yucychan haha I am clearly a lovefool no doubt about that. It's hard to move on from my first love I guess.

[JSmuve]

Your mistake is thinking marriage equals commitment. It doesn't. A guy (or woman for that matter) can marry you and then cheat the next week. Adultery is a thing, so is divorce. If I were to marry a woman and decide this is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with (though I could do that without getting married), I'd probably need 7-10 years worth of experiences with her to know that she's marriage material and can handle all the shit we may or may not go through over the course of our marriage. Maybe he's the same and is still evaluating you.

[glutton4punishment]

Though I can't speak for his two year hiatus, the rest of what ya wrote, seems like ya landed a pretty decent guy to me... and should just be grateful for that fact.

I'll never understand the female preoccupation, with being married. Back in the day, marriage actually used to mean something... other then their being on a long date. Which is what it's most certainly been reduced to, in this day and age. Only with the added "benefit" of legally binding those two people for however long it took, to untangle themselves from that legal mess.

If those two people (truly) love each other, the government's acknowledgement of such, shouldn't matter to them in the slightest. To say nothing of the lives they would be saving, by (not) purchasing that shiny rock, in order to showcase that commitment... with every slave labor camp CHILD, that (wasn't) forced to unearth it for them.

[navyrobin]

If you look closely it looks like she just wants his money which is why she wants to marry him. It doesn’t feel like there’s a lot of genuine love between them

[glutton4punishment]

Now that ya mention it, does kinda seem like she has a ho-hum attitude, about the whole thing.

I'd still like to know the reason for not only his checking out those two years but also the story behind her "happening" to be single when he did. Let alone, her willingness to resume that "wifey" role.. when he did.

Definitely seems like we're not getting the complete picture anyway, that's for sure.

[Darcia]

Y’all in a suga daddie relationship? He is 50 & you 29. He left for 2 years & came back everything was fine. Yeah, it doesn’t seem like everything was fine if now you’re seeking for long term commitment. Marriage, do you think marriage is going to hold him down and keep him to stay put? I don’t think so, I think you should let the marriage go or forget about being with him. It’ll be hard since you now do everything as a wifey and you enjoy the benefits like money and gifts that come along with it. But are you happy? Are you truly satisfied with what you have? You’re only 29 and settling down doesn’t seem like it’s in his best interest. Y’all need to think it over could if this makes you sad then imagine he rejecting your marriage proposal you’ll be devastated. Something needs to budge or being with him another 7 mo years may make you regret wanting to marry someone who just going to be there for gifts.

[Kat4251]

Take it from the person who never planned to get married. Marriage is this kind of anchor and not a good one. It holds you back from doing a lot of things and that’s how most people see it. I have a friend who’s 58 just finished finalizing his divorce and said I’m never getting married again it was a waste of time. He got married cuz he wanted his daughter who was a one night stand baby to have both parents she’s now 22. I’m 19 and I got married to someone who’s pushing me in my dreams and goals. But if he wasn’t I wouldn’t have married him because I don’t need to think about someone else if I get a job in a different state. So just talk to him. But you either need to be okay with it and buck it, or get over it and leave him.






Or he’s been married before and doesn’t wanna do it again.

[RawIronhide]

If I'm dating you for that long and we're not even talking about it there may be an issue there. I'd think he's afraid of committing to you maybe he just has a problem with the idea of marrage, which happens. But normally it's because he's afraid of getting divorced, he may want a prenuptial agreement.

[Massageman]

First- "having me do everything wifey like for him". Do you do it out of love, or as "payment " for the "money and stuff he buys" you?
Second- "disappeared for 2 years yet randomly came back". Could you teach me how to do that?
Third - He's got around 20 years on you.

I don't really know if there is any really solid relational feeling either way in this relationship, but on the surface of things, this leaky boat is barely afloat and is sinking fast!

(I know - grammatically I should have said "sinking quickly" since it's an adverbial)

[Vesuvius87]

So you don't want a husband but instead a sugar daddy in exchange for sex? If so then there is no purpose in that relationship ever getting promoted to marriage status. Secondly, there is too much of an age difference and it's more than likely he might have been married before and got divorced. If so then he's obviously not interested in starting all over. Lastly, most 50+ year-old men are grandfathers by then.

[Vesuvius87]

I have a question for you though. Besides sex and cook (basic life skill everyone should know), what are you putting to the table? Do you work and contribute to the bills too? If not then obviously no men wants that deal of getting little to nothing in return. I think you should break up. You've already wasted 7 years.

[MrOracle]

Thank you for at least asking this question. Too many women don't seem to grasp the concept that marriage has great cost and risk to the man, and is only worth doing if the woman also brings a lot to the table. I often ask women asking these types of questions what they bring to the marriage table, and most often, I get a blank look in response - the thought had never even occurred to them!

[Vesuvius87]

@MrOracle
Yeah I've noticed there is nothing significant in her post that would convince a man that it's worth getting married. I wouldn't want someone like her dating my younger brother, much less marrying him.

[Bananaman177]

There is no problem so you're creating one out of nothing just because you're a woman and that's what women all like to do, whenever things are going great, "Hmmm, how can I fuck this up for everyone else while also playing the victim, myself?"

[Rozaybonet69]

😩😩😩🚀 what a quote now i see why my ex called me pitbull

[Bananaman177]

@Rozaybonet69

[Finchie40]

I think he just likes the convenience of you , it doesn’t sound like he loves you , especially since he left you for 2 years , he is buying you things to keep you around for his convenience. You should really rethink this relationship cuz it sounds like you are just wasting your time

[Paul09]

I think she is looking for a sugar daddy, so she never has to work. That is so boring and lazy tho? And she uses the word love lol, sure.

[hahahmm]

“Love” is relative. To a guy who grew up getting treated like crap, buying you a $2 candy bar is a huge deal to him. Not that I think relationships should be founded on love. For the same reason business deals aren’t. That’s why marriage was always a business deal. Then people tried to make it romantic.

[EclecticEmapath1111]

Of course he's not asking you to marry him, you are giving him everything that he wants without any sort of investment or commitment from his side. Look at it this way, if you were given the option of buying a Ferrari or just driving it every day for free as long as you like, without a contract or payments and just wash the car and and keep up maintenance, which would you choose?

[Dali-chan]

I Agree but i hate how the woman is always blamed even the woman is a selfish user. It’s similar to using daddy issues as an insult toward girls while it’s the men who failed as fathers.

[Elsa143]

7 years is such a big insult. He's clearly treating her like doormat.

[22evie]

Have you discussed marriage with him? I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now but I still think it'll be at least another 3/4 years at least before we are married. Granted we are only in our 20's but we've had discussions about it. For us, we just aren't settled down enough yet to be able to get married, we both agree on that. You should definitely bring the topic up with your boyfriend if you haven't already, and see where he stands on the matter. Some people just don't believe in marriage.

[Simplismilez]

Most people these days are leaning away from the idea of marriage. What I don't understand is how you can be in a relationship with someone and not ever think to ask their stance on marriage. Especially if its something you want. That should be talked about pretty early on. So that you know. I don't know you should've talked about it before it got to this point but I'd say it sounds like he's not interested in getting married.

[slatyb]

I don't think he wants to be married. Apparently you do. Have you asked him? Are you willing to stay with him unmarried? Is he willing to lose you to avoid marriage? After 7 years I think it's time for you to ask the second question and then answer the first.

What about children? At this point if you got pregnant today he would be 68 when the child finished high school.

[Anonymous]

Well, the age difference is pretty significant if you ask me. Are you sure he even wants to get married? If he's 50 and not married, maybe there's a reason. Maybe he's been married/divorced before and doesn't want to get married again, or maybe he never wanted to get married in the first place, which is why he's 50 and not married.

[eminde]

Uh so he disappeared for like 2 years we are saying completely ghosted you right?
And out of blue he came back, just like that after two years
I think you should confront him and actually make sure if you both have mutual feelings cause 2 years is a lot
I wish you luck