It's been 7 years & my boyfriend still hasn't proposed? What do y'all think?

Question

You guys, I feel sad. It's been 7 years, no proposal. He disappeared for 2 years yet randomly came back & he continues to act like I'm his wife, having me do everything wifey like for him but without the ring. Sure, he's great, were in love, happy, he gives me money & buys me stuff but I want a marriage commitment. Is that asking too much? He's almost 50! I'd think he would wanna settle down by now... What do y'all think?

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Let me ask you a question. Why would he need a wife when you are ready or like a wife to him by being his girlfriend for 7 years without much for commitment on his part? That means not only are you having sex with him which is outside of marriage and a sin before God for seven years, you doing everything for this man for seven years, he's 50 years old more than half of your senior. Please tell me why and what would he want to get married? I got a hint for you. It was never his plan to marry you from the get-go and you wasted 7 years of your time basically slaving away for a man who had zero plans of ever marrying you.

Does that mean that you're not worth it? In my opinion no. Overall who knows. But at the end of the day oh, what do you really want? If you really want to get married, then my suggestion is that you leave out of this relationship but he is if he's not treating you right. If you don't care about that, then you stay where you are and just deal with it because in the end you picked him and he picked you. These days many men are just looking for a girlfriend that can go out with on the couch. They are not looking to put in work for something that they can automatically get for free because women be there is only open up the leg but the cater to everything of a man's whims because they know that woman's value is mostly between was in her legs and how much she makes him feel. Men do not have to put in as much work unlike the past anymore. Overall that's all I had to say when this matter. The rest is up to you.

Femmefatale97 · Accepted Answer

In my opinion, I believe that you should walk away. At least for now. He is taking you for granted and although men would like to make us think that they do not play games, they are the greatest masters at it. Actually, this is the Game itself. He is continuously testing you to see whether he will get away with not fully committing to you. Just the fact that he disappeared for two years and you let him come back just like that - it's wrong on so many levels. You should have honestly not replied to him for 4 more years. It is a sad and crazy looking reality, but guys honestly chase and once they feel like they have you, they get too comfortable and think everything is allowed. Without words, show him through your actions that your time is precious and you don't have time for uncertainty. Take a step back, hang out with your friends and keep busy - show him you most certainly do not depend on him and can thrive on your own. Once again, I know it sounds insane, but you need to lose him a bit to have him fully down the road. Remember, guys are guys and they love the chase, even when they claim they do not. Whatever you do, never ever pressure him into long term commitment through words or desperate appearing actions - you will drive him away. Once he senses that he might lose you, and if he deeply cares about you, he will do everything in his power to keep you. Stay strong and know you are happy on your own regardless.
- The Rational Female

Sleevey · Accepted Answer

Yes, you are asking to much. I’ll make an assumption that he was previously married. If so, then he joins a large club of guys saying never again. So expecting him to ask you to marry him may not hold any appeal to him.

If he’s never been married he’s been that way for a reason and by 50 is set in his ways.

So first did he tell you he did not want to marry? If so and your goal was to get married then you’ve made the common mistake of “I can change him”. But you really can’t.

you have been together for 7 years and happy, if you are younger than him to the extent of wanting to have children then I can understand the need to marry. Children raised by both parents are way ahead of the game.

But if you want a “Marriage commitment” excluding kids then I can only assume it’s a matter of money and you are trying to get married for the financial gain that wives/Ex-wives get during and after marriage. your mention of his giving you money and buys you stuff as a way to describe your relationship adds to the impression that it’s not love it’s money.

So if he has told you before, in your 7 year relationship, that he does not want kids or marriage then move on to someone who does. If you want a companion that treats you well then he seems a catch.

‘’if it’s just a need to have a commitment through marriage, initiate a prenup that removes money from situation. It might be all it takes. I don’t know if you’ve read the fine print but marriage is a terrible deal for men. It’s just not worth the risk.

DannyUk2017 · Accepted Answer

If your age is 29 as its says under ur name, and he is almost 50, than makes sense... you just Jumped to exactly what every woman is after "financial gain and glitter". Gives you money, buys you stuff, you do wifey stuff then yeah makes sense..."HE IS PLAYING SAFE". He keeps you financed and glitter while you keep doing your stuff andplease him also!😉. The safe part is that he "knows" that if he puts a "ring" on ur finger, then divorce is going to be very Cost eficient (for you), Half of his wealth will be urs, and he will be left with nothing... so be grateful for what u have now... later might nit have "all this luxe" and u'll miss it soo much! As long as you two feel good, what's the point in having a "ring"? 🤔

Paris13 · Answer

... He's almost 50! Too much like a Fat Cat now who is Cozy in the Corner. You will NEVER get Him to Budge, Just Nudge, This-Hisss is PUR-FECT for Him. It is 7 years and the Seven Year Itch Twitch That Tells me that he is happy with what He Has, No paper commitment, Although a Ring would be Nice, Regardless if he Threw the Dice. Be contented. You have now just Been---Rented. It is not always Greener on the Other Side of the Female fence. 
 Welcome to Gag Town and Best of Luck. xx

lumos · Answer

Why don't you actually talk to him about it and ask what he wants? He's almost 50 and dating someone nearly 20 years younger than him... if we want to stereotype, I don't think he's in any rush to marry.

ragequeen · Answer

You need to ask him if he ever wants to get married. Be subtle about it, like say "can you ever see yourself getting married one day?", if he says no, and you want marriage, you should break it off.

Apple1996 · Answer

Maybe you should propose to him and if he says no then leave

JSmuve · Answer

Your mistake is thinking marriage equals commitment. It doesn't. A guy (or woman for that matter) can marry you and then cheat the next week. Adultery is a thing, so is divorce. If I were to marry a woman and decide this is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with (though I could do that without getting married), I'd probably need 7-10 years worth of experiences with her to know that she's marriage material and can handle all the shit we may or may not go through over the course of our marriage. Maybe he's the same and is still evaluating you.

yucychan · Answer

I agree with btbc92 on a point. If you are already acting like a wife to him even before you two are married, then why would he want to marry you at all? Doesn't matter if he is closing 50 or 40 or 60, if he doesn't want to marry you, then he doesn't want to marry you. It's that simple.

And the fact that he disappeared for 2 years and you still accept such an asshole in your life clearly shows how irrational you are. Could you stop being such a lovefool?

glutton4punishment · Answer

Though I can't speak for his two year hiatus, the rest of what ya wrote, seems like ya landed a pretty decent guy to me... and should just be grateful for that fact.

I'll never understand the female preoccupation, with being married. Back in the day, marriage actually used to mean something... other then their being on a long date. Which is what it's most certainly been reduced to, in this day and age. Only with the added "benefit" of legally binding those two people for however long it took, to untangle themselves from that legal mess.

If those two people (truly) love each other, the government's acknowledgement of such, shouldn't matter to them in the slightest. To say nothing of the lives they would be saving, by (not) purchasing that shiny rock, in order to showcase that commitment... with every slave labor camp CHILD, that (wasn't) forced to unearth it for them.

Darcia · Answer

Y’all in a suga daddie relationship? He is 50 & you 29. He left for 2 years & came back everything was fine. Yeah, it doesn’t seem like everything was fine if now you’re seeking for long term commitment. Marriage, do you think marriage is going to hold him down and keep him to stay put? I don’t think so, I think you should let the marriage go or forget about being with him. It’ll be hard since you now do everything as a wifey and you enjoy the benefits like money and gifts that come along with it. But are you happy? Are you truly satisfied with what you have? You’re only 29 and settling down doesn’t seem like it’s in his best interest. Y’all need to think it over could if this makes you sad then imagine he rejecting your marriage proposal you’ll be devastated. Something needs to budge or being with him another 7 mo years may make you regret wanting to marry someone who just going to be there for gifts.

Kat4251 · Answer

Take it from the person who never planned to get married. Marriage is this kind of anchor and not a good one. It holds you back from doing a lot of things and that’s how most people see it. I have a friend who’s 58 just finished finalizing his divorce and said I’m never getting married again it was a waste of time. He got married cuz he wanted his daughter who was a one night stand baby to have both parents she’s now 22. I’m 19 and I got married to someone who’s pushing me in my dreams and goals. But if he wasn’t I wouldn’t have married him because I don’t need to think about someone else if I get a job in a different state. So just talk to him. But you either need to be okay with it and buck it, or get over it and leave him.

Or he’s been married before and doesn’t wanna do it again.

RawIronhide · Answer

If I'm dating you for that long and we're not even talking about it there may be an issue there. I'd think he's afraid of committing to you maybe he just has a problem with the idea of marrage, which happens. But normally it's because he's afraid of getting divorced, he may want a prenuptial agreement.

Massageman · Answer

First- "having me do everything wifey like for him". Do you do it out of love, or as "payment " for the "money and stuff he buys" you?
Second- "disappeared for 2 years yet randomly came back". Could you teach me how to do that?
Third - He's got around 20 years on you.

I don't really know if there is any really solid relational feeling either way in this relationship, but on the surface of things, this leaky boat is barely afloat and is sinking fast!

(I know - grammatically I should have said "sinking quickly" since it's an adverbial)

Finchie40 · Answer

I think he just likes the convenience of you , it doesn’t sound like he loves you , especially since he left you for 2 years , he is buying you things to keep you around for his convenience. You should really rethink this relationship cuz it sounds like you are just wasting your time

Vesuvius87 · Answer

So you don't want a husband but instead a sugar daddy in exchange for sex? If so then there is no purpose in that relationship ever getting promoted to marriage status. Secondly, there is too much of an age difference and it's more than likely he might have been married before and got divorced. If so then he's obviously not interested in starting all over. Lastly, most 50+ year-old men are grandfathers by then.

Bananaman177 · Answer

There is no problem so you're creating one out of nothing just because you're a woman and that's what women all like to do, whenever things are going great, "Hmmm, how can I fuck this up for everyone else while also playing the victim, myself?"

EclecticEmapath1111 · Answer

Of course he's not asking you to marry him, you are giving him everything that he wants without any sort of investment or commitment from his side. Look at it this way, if you were given the option of buying a Ferrari or just driving it every day for free as long as you like, without a contract or payments and just wash the car and and keep up maintenance, which would you choose?

22evie · Answer

Have you discussed marriage with him? I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now but I still think it'll be at least another 3/4 years at least before we are married. Granted we are only in our 20's but we've had discussions about it. For us, we just aren't settled down enough yet to be able to get married, we both agree on that. You should definitely bring the topic up with your boyfriend if you haven't already, and see where he stands on the matter. Some people just don't believe in marriage.

Simplismilez · Answer

Most people these days are leaning away from the idea of marriage. What I don't understand is how you can be in a relationship with someone and not ever think to ask their stance on marriage. Especially if its something you want. That should be talked about pretty early on. So that you know. I don't know you should've talked about it before it got to this point but I'd say it sounds like he's not interested in getting married.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, the age difference is pretty significant if you ask me. Are you sure he even wants to get married? If he's 50 and not married, maybe there's a reason. Maybe he's been married/divorced before and doesn't want to get married again, or maybe he never wanted to get married in the first place, which is why he's 50 and not married.

eminde · Answer

Uh so he disappeared for like 2 years we are saying completely ghosted you right?
And out of blue he came back, just like that after two years
I think you should confront him and actually make sure if you both have mutual feelings cause 2 years is a lot
I wish you luck

slatyb · Answer

I don't think he wants to be married. Apparently you do. Have you asked him? Are you willing to stay with him unmarried? Is he willing to lose you to avoid marriage? After 7 years I think it's time for you to ask the second question and then answer the first.

What about children? At this point if you got pregnant today he would be 68 when the child finished high school.

ValleyofDrakes · Answer

If you want to be married why don't you propose to him? Why put all the responsibility for something you want on someone else? That makes no sense.

I always say this. If you want something done right you gotta do it yourself.

There's no reason for you to be concerned.

Elsa143 · Answer

BREAK UP. Why did you let him come back after he disappeared? He's not trustworthy. He's clearly taking your advantage by making you do wifey things WITHOUT GETTING COMMITTED.
7 years sounds like a big insult. If he really really loved you, he would have proposed within a year or two.

AllieOops · Answer

I think that asking such a simple question, that you most likely know the answer to, is getting so many responses. That you got in a rut and are putting up with it is obvious. I have to imagine that half the questions on this site are not even true and just put out there to see the responses.

ohshee · Answer

Tell him you have been thinking about it,, and tell him you have been wrong for treating him like some on else's husband tell him you want a divorce then tell him you want to start over and this time it's his turn to ask you to be his wife lol I don't know. Hey it's worth a try if anything he will say WTF And it's good for a good laugh

potatoiswhoiam · Answer

Not all people want to get married. We all see love and commitment in different ways. Some couples never actually get married. They choose not to.. have you ever discussed marriage? Do you know each other's views on marriage? Throughout these seven years has the future been discussed when it comes to marriage and kids? If not, you don't really have the right to expect something he might not wanna do in the first place.

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I don't think it's that big of a deal. One of my older sisters didn't get married to her boyfriend until she had her 3rd baby. And they were together since she was 16, so they got married many years later. You could talk to him about it if you want a marriage and see if he also wants to marry. If he doesn't, then I wouldn't worry about it too much since things seem to be fine the way they are, even without a marriage.

Dali-chan · Answer

It means you’re a forever girlfriend, and you have to move on. Men know till the beginning wether they would like to marry their girlfriends or no, and yours doesn’t want to marry you. Chances are that he doesn’t wanna propose cause he maybe still think that he can upgrade to a hotter girl, when he’ll get a better job, that’s how most men are, sadly.

SjE78 · Answer

communicate with him, maybe he's not sure if you want to get married, these days not many do... and not many realise that if they just talk to each other they might find they know what they want to know about them... but something that should have been found out during the early part of your relationship as to what you both wanted out of the relationship...

hahahmm · Answer

He has no incentive to marry you when you give him everything. And if he makes more money than you he’s got a LOT of reasons to avoid divorce... women file divorce in like 90% of cases.

Unless he explicitly told you, “do XYZ and I’ll marry you” you’re out of luck.

BensGlory · Answer

Why dont you propose to him? I mean I know the man has to do it but still, and if he say no then you know where you stand, if you don't like it then move on, maybe he doesn't want marriage and my his age now, sounds like he doesn't want kids either unless he's already been marriage before and already got kids which could be the reason why he doesn't want to do it anymore

Corerue · Answer

Well if your age is correct on the profile. You are 29 and he is 50. Probably doesn't want to be hitched this close to retirement. And honestly marriage is just a piece of paper. If your happy and in love. then why ruin a good thing?

Marriage can take the fire out of the relationship since once the ring goes on its like the chase is over. 🤷‍♂️

Just one man's perspective. However how are you OP assuring him you are the one and only girl for him? If I may ask.

pleasestopthis · Answer

Maybe he's not interested in marrying as he already gets the good things of marriage, it's been long enough. And he disappeared for two years... he's got some nerve.
Has he ever married already? if so, he probably doesn't want to deal with failure and spending a ton of money in case of divorce

bluetoblack99 · Answer

“He gives me money and buys me stuff”.

If you rely on him for money then I don’t respect you. Yeah he’s older but if he is going to pay you like a whore than don’t be surprised how he treats you.

Seriously why would he marry just so you can get alimony after you divorce him or worse inherit his money if he passes away early. He isn’t stupid.

RingOfFire · Answer

He's never going to marry you UNLESS POSSIBLY you tell him marry me or its over. That MIGHT get him to do it. He wants the wifey thing without the commitment. It's pretty common with guys. Only way past it is to make him put up or get lost. And you have to be ready to go through with it or it won't work. If you give in, he will never do it.

VV3ZZY · Answer

Fuck Dat, he dissappeared for two years? Dump his ass. I'd say 3 years is the max time before I would propose.

Anonymous · Answer

i asked the woman i love numerous times if she would marry me and she has yet to give me an answer. every time i ask she dodges and avoids the question. and i been with her for over 3 years

MannMitAntworten · Answer

I think he is completely content with how things are already and will never ask to marry unless you lush the matter. Pushing the matter will either force him to propose or make you single. Chances are he has zero intentions to marrying anyone judging by the amount of time already passed.

tofamous · Answer

Sounds like you have some problems sure you wanna hard commitment like that you're not being Fed Then disappeared for 2 years And are you sure you wanna risk this, I'm just saying sounds like a major heartbreak coming down the road. If I had a choice between being misible or lonely I would choose to lonely. But that's just me, It is not easy to make decisions like this But Then I have to ask myself, what is in my best interests

havingfun101 · Answer

You're fortunate to have a boyfriend; marriage, cohabitation and childbirth are at all time lows.

Anonymous · Answer

I think he's smart. Marriage is a trap. If you're already together and living as if you're married, then what does that piece of paper mean? It means you can cheat, treat him like shit, get lazy, and take his money anyway if he gets tired of your shit.

Marriage is an outdated ownership contract, anyway. This isn't the 1940's, and we should all just move on from those antiquated traditions

MountAverage · Answer

What's amazing is not that he hasn't proposed after 7 years. No, what's amazing is that apparently you two can't openly talk to each other about these things after 7 years. Just wow.

Liam_Hayden · Answer

"he continues to act like I'm his wife, having me do everything wifey like for him but without the ring."

If a guy gets the benefits without having to sign up for the commitment, why would he? He has what he wants without all of the risks.

Posterboy56 · Answer

I think what is rational to think-- that marriage doesn't matter.
"Sure, he's great, were in love, happy, he gives me money & buys me stuff" ... okay, so...
"but I want a marriage commitment" ... why.
"Is that asking too much?" Yes.

Starrr01 · Answer

I always say you need to have this discussion before you even get together. How do you know he dosent want to get married? You could both be wasting your time

spartan55 · Answer

Okay, after seven years, this is breaking news to you? You have had plenty of time to establish boundaries in your relationship, and you haven't... uh why the hell not?

jasco · Answer

Have you talk to him about it, maybe he doesn't want marriage. My dad was around 40 or 50 when he marriage my mom and she was around 30. So in short maybe he's just happy with what he has now, why marriage, it doesn't really do anything.

scooogy · Answer

It's weird, but after 2.5 years I feel more comfortable with the thought of getting married to my crush than her being my girlfriend, because being in a relationship is like holding some fragile diamond in one hand while marriage is like holding it in two hands.

Rozaybonet69 · Answer

Is better like that hun sometimes we sleep with our enemy... when you get married and something happens to you with you any type of accident or health condition that puts you in to a coma your spouse have every rite to decide to disconnect you imagine having a spouse that ain't got no good intentions towards you

luvstoned4him · Answer

Hold up? Disappeared for 2 years? And you allowed him back?

Nah, that's not love. He ran to meet the next girl, things didn't work out and he wants to fall back on you. Plus he hasn't engaged or talked settling. Not a good sign.

Alyssa11 · Answer

You're not asking too much.

You need to stop acting like a wife until you are one - you know what I'm saying? He's not going to go through the complications of marriage when he already has a 'wife' for free.

Midnight_Kiss · Answer

Why do you need a marriage to settle down? If your relationship works as it is why change things and risk ruining it.

JoseyWales4 · Answer

How about you propose to him. It’s a win win. If he says yes you get married. If he says no than you’ll know he’s wasting your time, or he might say no but not yet then the seeds are planted and that could lead to marriage

Citizenkirk · Answer

I saw this movie already. It was titled the astronaut's wife. Time traveling astronaut boyfriend sounds like a high maintenance kind of guy. You might want too explore all your options before committing too this space cadet.

Prettygurl12 · Answer

He's almost 50? He's probably set in his ways. Not to sound crass or offensive, but to recycle the phrase... why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

Heiniken · Answer

That he is smart.

Marriage is a trap for you to get half his hard earned stuff. Asking him to marry you is too much to ask for in today's society with the current state of family law.

You say he gives you money, are you in a sugar daddy relationship? If so get a clue that there is a 0% chance he will ever marry you because he would rather buy a different *younger and more attractive* gold digger than commit to you.

anon1903 · Answer

You propose him then. That's simple. If he doesn't accept it, eh... Well, now you'd have an answer yeah?

madgoat · Answer

Many people on here have been scared away from marriage by the onerous legal landscape coupled with high divorce rates. They'd rather commit but not marry. Which is what your guy has done (apart from two oddly missing years).

CelineBV · Answer

There is no reason for him to propose. He's at an age where he just wants to have fun. Why would a 50 year-old be interested in forming a family for the first time?

Dargil · Answer

I think he is already getting what he wants. I would not even attempt negotiate. Just be on your way. At 29, you should be in a better situation.

RHK36 · Answer

Based on the info provided I don't understand why he would want to at this point in his life. You don't give off the vibe that you want to either based on your actions. Maybe have a conversation with him about it. That'll give you an answer.

It's been 7 years & my boyfriend still hasn't proposed? What do y'all think?

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