Guys, Boyfriend proposed but no planning at all after engagement?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend agreed to propose in 2 years. never happened and he said he will by 2.5 years. never happened and he did by 3rd yr. I was not happy when he proposed because I had to keep waiting and there was no thoughts in the proposal. After proposal he did not plan anything. I started looking at houses asap and there was a property that just got posted. It’s my dream home for a price we can both afford w/o a problem. I sent him the listing one night and asked if he liked it the next day. He yelled at me for “forcing him to buy a home” (I have only asked twice). I got upset and started showing him properties that just caters to his wants. He keeps making excuses to not buy a home (he doesn’t want to rent and says he has money saved for a home). For all the listings I showed him, he keeps saying XYZ is bad. he said he didn’t want one of the houses because there was no basketball hoop in the yard (which costs $300 to add). All his excuses are unfair and so i purchase my 2nd house which is my dream home because property value and interest rates are going high in NY right now. he is now blaming me for not looking at houses with him (which i did right after engagement). Tbh, i dont want to look at houses with him anymore because he just makes excuses to not buy (he yelled at me and said his friends are not even rushing to buy a home-They are single). he also said his parents want to meet mines (also said during dating) but never happened. After engagement there is no planning on his end. My heart is tired-waiting for proposal, him not planning and blaming me for things he don’t want to do. Im planning to call off the engagement as i don’t think he loves me. We are financially stable, but he will never give me a gift unless I give him a gift. He doesn’t pay for my meals (even if it’s $5 But he paid everything and gifts for his ex). What do you guys think? Thanks in advance!!

[MrOracle]

The two of you are in a bad situation, and you only have two sensible choices: relationship counselling or breaking up - and if he won't go to relationship counselling and willingly participate, then breaking up is the only other option. in my opinion, anyone even thinking about marriage should go to pre-marriage counselling anyway. Likely you need it just as much as he does.

Anyway, he's clearly being unreasonable. If he was up-front and told you that he had no interest in marriage, and just wanted to be boyfriend-girlfriend indefinitely (a desire he's allowed to have, and one you're allowed to accept or reject), that would be one thing, but since he proposed, he is obligated to take the proposal seriously and move forward, or at the very least have a solid plan with specific mileposts so that forward progress can be measured and worked towards. in my opinion, he only proposed to you to keep you around, but never had any intention of going through with it. Not sure how long he could keep up that ruse - he probably didn't think that far ahead - but in my opinion he's not really looking to get married. Maybe I'm wrong and pre-marriage counselling will solve the problems, but I've seen this before and it doesn't bode well for the two of you.

A man who WANTED to be married would be making plans, and would be happy about doing so (not necessarily at every moment, because certain things can be annoying or frustrating, but overall, he'd be happy and enthusiastic). He's the opposite of that, and that's a huge red flag that he's been waving in front of you for far too long.

[Asker]

Thank you for your wise and valuable advice!!

[Mofunfour20]

Marriage doesn't benefit men. Why would he be excited to get married when you'd be and do the exact same things? You haven't given us any reasons as to why your such a benefit to him. And what factors make him valuable to you. Nothing would really change if you've already been together this long.

[spartan55]

Do you have a ring and a date? Then you aren't engaged. If you think getting married will make things better, and he will change you are seriously mistaken.
I mean your parents haven't even met and you are supposed to be getting married? Lol... okay.

[Avicenna]

You two need to talk about your concerns

[In_Trance]

So what are you going to do about it?