How do I cope with having a emotionally unavailable husband?

[Anonymous]

Now don't get me wrong my husband is a absolute angel of a man. Literally last week I passed out at work and he took half a day's holiday to get home and take care of me. He loves cuddles and is always there for me, taking care of me especially when I'm sad he's my rock but he will even amit to this but he's very emotionally unavailable.

He's very logical and is a massive perfectionist and he expects everyone to live up to his standards especially when it comes to work. He doesn't turn off physically when working it's always about making money and I know he's doing this to give us a better life which is one of the reasons I fell for him because he's a massive provider and will go to the ends of the earth for the people he loves and not expect anything back.

Its just strange to me because I know he loves me through his actions but he's not very romantic and never wants to talk about his feelings. It's so hard to get it out of him. He's very shy when it comes to expressing himself.

I had to force him get him to dance on are wedding day. He doesn't know how to woo a woman or tell her she's beautiful or wanted romantically. I'm just his cute little snuggle buddy which is nice but sometimes I want him to just take me if you get my dift and make a move.

When we first started dating he was just the same I told him he could hold my hand. He's 32 now and he doesn't touch me or tell me I'm beautiful unless I approach him myself. I don't think he's ever told me I'm beautiful. I just get "pretty" or "cute" from him.

It's hard because I have other young men falling head over heels for me and telling me all the stuff my husband doesn't but I tell them to piss off because I'm loyal and I only love one man and will for the rest of my life.

My husband is the love of my life, he's my end game and he'd say the same for me but it's just so frustrating sometimes

[Anonymous]

Amazing, given the world but still unhappy. Now imagine if he asked you to stop being so emotional. That you’re too emotional, you’re not stoic, you’re not logical, etc, etc. Understand you’re not the only one who says things like this as far as other women. Which would indicate to me that maybe men just aren’t like that. We don’t grow up being babied, most of us don’t. We watched our fathers take care of our mothers, work their asses off, provide for her, etc. Now if the man was raised by a single mother he may be somewhat like this. But then women would complain he’s to emotional, he’s soft, he doesn’t stand up for himself. More than likely you’re not going to change him. I try myself but this stuff doesn’t come natural to most men because again we aren’t raised like that. Most of us didn’t grow up watching romance movies, or reading romance novels. We were taught to be men. Which means taking care of your family. Providing. Working hard. Even sacrificing your happiness. Me asking you to stop being emotional is more than likely not going to happen. You’ve been that way all your life. Things men do that we get excited about women can’t understand it. It’s the same way for men. Someone asked the other day if she should get her husband flowers. Almost all the men said no cause it doesn’t have that same outcome on men as it does for women. So all these romantic things may be hard for men to understand cause they don’t have that same affect on us. Don’t be surprised if you bring it up to which he gets defensive.

[Asker]

I totally agree with what your saying but the thing is he will look at other women and describe other women as "stunning", "Gorgeous" and "beautiful" but his good old wife is just "pretty" or "cute".

I don't mind him looking at other women because we are all human and have eyes and can admire things from a far.

But it's not even like I don't put the effort in to look nice for him. The thing is he likes the trashy, slutty look on women and I ain't that and never will be. I dress very classic and feminine. When we go out for a nice dinner and I ask how I look it's "ermmm yeah you look pretty sweety but I'm trying to watch tv" .

I think he's board of me and when I ask if he's no longer attracted to me he gets very defensive but to me it's obvious

[Opinion Owner]

Him getting defensive doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not attracted to you anymore. He’s annoyed w you constantly asking, that’s why he gets defensive. Because in his mind he does all this stuff for you to show you how much he loves you. Again that’s how men show love. But you, you’re wanting him to verbally speak about how he feels toward you, which really isn’t how he is. So in his mind it’s like, ok you’re questioning my love for you but yet I do all these things for you. Of course I love you. I hate to say it too as time goes on things tend to just become routine. So unless you’re changing it up on the bedroom, dressing slutty or doing new things, it’s become routine. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you but a lot of relationships just become routine.

[bowenw]

He needs to find a way to kick back and have fun and may need some help doing that. Couple's therapy may help.

[bowenw]

Thank you for the MHO. 😊

[Anonymous]

Talk about date night or dedicated days where romance is a priority. Tell him about your expectations and needs, a closed mouth never gets fed

[Anonymous]

Now do you want to hear all the things his wishes you were?