How to deal with an emotionally unavailable guy?

[Anonymous]

We broke up a week ago.
But remained friends, because he doesn't want to lose me. I am hurt, but I try to understand him, because we are in contact for 24/7 of the time and our relationship hasn't changed, we just don't make out anymore and don't have sex.
He said he couldn't have sex with me, because feelings are most important for him and he's afraid to feel anything. He had a heartbreak a year ago and had a depression. now he's okay, but he doesn't allow himself to have sex with me without emotions. But he's also afraid to feel anything.
... and I understand. Because I have experienced 3 HEARTBREAKS at the age of 20. But I survived, and I'm not afraid to love again. he's different.
Honestly I want him back, I am willing to fight for him.
But I don't know how to deal with his emotional unavailability.
I am friends with him, I'm with him, I support him, I don't beg or complain about the breakup.
What else can I do? or not to do?

[btbc92]

The problem is you want want sexually and he is not looking or ready for that. The problem is YOU, not him. Its why you do NOT have premarital sex before marriage because he has been broken, and confused about love, sex, etc. It's not about you being willing to love again or isn't afraid. THINK SERIOUSLY about what you are asking. You are asking him to spiritually marry you through sex, which God ONLY permits in a marriage. HE thought he had it together with his ex, and it ripped him to shreds and he learned the hard way. YOU, however, went through it 3x before 20 and still want to ask him to take the plunge with you through the same thing that got him in that mess in the first place? Do you find that fair? It's not that he is emotionally unavailable, he is guarded and doesn't want to go through with that again. It takes patience and understanding. And I don't seriously think any of you people who choose sex before marriage really get how serious and dangerous sex is. He is a highly sensitive person like me who cannot just have sex with anybody. It must be a lasting relationship. I have never dated and is still a virgin because I sadly have to fear exactly what he went through. And most people are not virgins or waiting for marriage to have sex. He is not READY for that. And the reason he broke up with you is that your too desperate, and pushy. If you so desperately want sex, find somebody who equally wants sex. Because you cannot be his friend, but damn him for his problems. It's not his fault. If you keep doing that, he will cut you off for good. That's being very selfish of you to expect that from him when he just told you that he can't do it. If you say you want to be friends, mean it, or let him go. You don't make promises you can't keep. And asking for sex is overreaching because he doesn't owe you sex in a relationship that isn't a marriage. Otherwise, he will have sex because he feels that he has to just to keep you. Then you'll feel worse because it wouldn't be real or authentic from him.

[kari0130]

I've lived though this before. We dated for 4 years and 2 years of it was the worst time of my life. We "talked" (me desperately trying to stay close) for a year. He kept me around and to try to sleep with me even though he already moved on to another girl (and didn't tell me I had to find out the hard way) he knew I'd drop him if he was in a relationship but not because he was unavailable. I was his first girlfriend ("first love") and he demoted me to friends with benefits/side chick without any respect or knowledge regarding me.

Long story short, leave him. It will hurt and you will feel bad for awhile but trust its better than staying in his life.

[Mickey9999]

You have a choice. Stay and be patient or move on. He sounds like he’s been scarred by the recent break up and needs time yet to heal. This is where you could be the classic rebound and I’m sure you don’t want to be that. He seems to truly like you but he’s saying he’s not ready. Nothing wrong with that except that you like him and want him and want to help him. But we all know we have to go through the emotions ourselves. Not only that but you should want to give him time to learn lessons. No one comes out of a break up with no faults. I’m kinda going though something similar right now. Wanna talk more specifically, feel free to pm me

[Shuri]

You don't deal with them. My ex was emotionally unavailable and a complete asshole and a cheater. He blamed it on depression but I have bipolar disorder but you don't see me treating people like shit.

Get rid of him. He's not worth your time. He's just going to waste it.

[6lacier]

I'm not sure, because I don't fully understand the issue he has or your description of it, but here's a guess anyway:

You are (as is often the case with women and men) more emotionally mature than him. He actually isn't feeling it - he likes you well enough as a friend, but he's not infatuated with you, he doesn't get those butterflies in the stomach. But he's afraid of losing you, also because he has grown close to you, so he doesn't tell it like it is. Instead he says emo stuff like "he's afraid to feel" etc. Okay, that's a bit harsh, maybe even wrong.

Anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if your relationship doesn't last. I think sooner or later he is going to get tired of running away from his feelings.

In the meantime, I would recommend being on the lookout for something else.

[Adam1978]

Move on, He needs to deal with his issues and I don't think your presence helps, if anything he needs to be out of a relationship for several months. Don't wait for that you gave him a chance and he blew it. He can perhaps be a friend if you can be that without having feelings for him, if you can't cut him loose completely.

[R_Cakes91]

You’re hoping he will change to have feelings for you. This is not a rom-com. People rarely change in this way.

It just sounds like he’s not into you as much as you’re into him. There is nothing wrong with that but girlfriend, you should learn the difference between a guy who is worth investing all your time in and a guy who isn’t.

[Texaskid1]

You want him because he is unavailable. And he never will be. Guys like that don't change much. There could be many reasons. But it is not your job to be his shrink. I would say let him go and find another guy.

[MusicMayhem]

You don't deal with an unavailable person because they're just that; unavailable.

What you do do is realise you've been friendzoned and you move on.

[nerms123]

A one sided relationship will tear you apart. It might seem ok at first but it’s actually very dangerous to your well being.

[Chanel1981]

Put yourself first. If he's saying he doesn't want a relationship don't make excuses for him, sever ties

[Mariaa122]

It sounds like he's really hurt even though he doesn't show it.. You should talk to him privately and just tell him that everythings going to be OK that's it.. x

[Hamsteroids]

I think you two need space. Like to be alone and away from one another

[Anonymous]

You’re first responsibility is to yourself. So the answer is to do whatever you need to whilst causing the least harm to you both.

[colin77]

he need help not a relationship... why humans hold on to negativity wen he was part of th choices from th beginning... he needs to forgive himself and move on... what a waist of time...

[Ninja_Arashi]

its a very bad idea to be friends with your ex, maybe after some time you can get back to connecting but, you need to take few steps back for now and take some time

[Cybernizer]

That sounds very dangerous. I would personally let it go, cut all comms, find someone new.

[Anonymous]

Move the hell on, he needs to deal with that and if you two are are different stages then it just goes downhill, unless you prepared, you move 💨

[themomo84]

Leave and/or don't get involved, quite simple

[HereIbe]

Ditch his bitch ass. Cut all ties.

[Streak]

Edgy asd 47

[HereIbe]

@Streak, I'd insist it be done to me if I mistreated a woman like that.

[yourfavperson]

dont deal with it.