Is it ok to continue with my new relationship strategy if it's working fine right now?

[Anonymous]

We've already spoken about long-term goals in a serious (not romantic ''and they live happily everafter'' bs tone) manner. If this makes me a biotch so beat it. I had enough of opening up myself so much and getting taken advantage but not just two past bfs but other people in my life. Yes I've become more strict, logical (I don't fall in love with words nor flowers anymore) and go for what my eyes see, for the actions matching the words.

Things I've changed about myself towards a man that hasn't yet committed:

- Don't invite him in the house

- Don't show too much vulnerability nor open up emotionally excessively

- Don't refer him to as ''hi my love, hi honey''. We call each other by our real names.

- No free meals at all. No of the ''make him fall in love through his stomach'' bs anymore. I'm cooking for myself or my few close family. No one else. Who on earth is a boyfriend anyways? What's so special that I have to cook for someone I'm just dating? LOL

- Never ever dedicate a song to just a boyfriend nor throw the L bomb just because of feelings. Just having deep feelings of attraction isn't enough. That's not love. That's just the early stage of infatuation.

I'm already showing my dedicating by sharing my daily routine, having a good communication and he already knows what to expect. This style seems to be working much better than what I used to do in the past. If my new method is working, then I should continue using it right?

Updates

16 d

Besides I'm already 37 years old. I don't have time for lovebombing BS.

Updates

16 d

Honestly, I've caught some feelings for him but it's better to think with my brain at this moment. If I open up too much then I'm not going to get commitment from him. He seems excited about it, even without sex yet (no, we haven't had sex yet). Let him get excited first, then I'll open up more once I lock him down off course.

[DaveJord]

All depends on the individual, but honestly... the past experiences you have mentioned I have experienced from women. See to me, you should be honest and open... but yes it seems like everything you say always comes back to bite you in the ass. Like they use your own words against you.

So yeah, being the silent type might get you laid or achieve some short-term success... but in the long term you still want all those things, so the only person you might be fooling is yourself. Which is where I am, at this point in my life. This is who I am, this is what I want, and if that is problem then do not waste my time. The problem is that everyone is so used to being. lied to, that they never beleive you are only one telling the truth.

If you are happy doing what you are doing then keep doing it. Just do not fool yourself into beleiveing that you are not still the same person, who still wants all those things and you are down playing for now. In time it might work out and it might not, but you are really doing what you are doing more so for his benifit than yours.

[Asker]

No, I haven't had sex with him yet (the only thing we ever did was making out and hugs.. nothing beyond that, no staying in a motel with him, no undressing, nothing sexual) and right now he seems focused and excited about all the paperworks required to get married. There is no lovebombing nor ''I love you'' texts in our conversations. He's working in a manner that actually favors me more than him (since men tend to value more sex over commitment and it's the opposite for us) because I'm getting him interested in what is more towards a woman than a man. Being getting him excited over commitment first, that would be a good strategy for a woman.

[DarkLegacy]

Lol you asking if it is ok and saying beat it to those that call you out. Basically you are just trolling aren't you hence why you went anon. Either way you need to grow up really, you asking for trouble. Unless you going out with a simp then you asking to get cheated on or dropped by your guy.

What is so special about you that he should put up with all this and not just drop you, is he cooking for you. If you were my girlfriend then i would drop you like you deserve.

[Asker]

Good. Whoever wants to leave, can freely do that. I'll happily open the door for him. Honestly both me and him are in similar positions (though I have slightly more options than him), age wise, have like-minded goals and are realistic about who we can attract. As to what makes me special well I'm not special but I would like to point out for things.
If he wants to ditch me and then end up getting ghosted by every other women, continue being single for another decade or so and end up likely having no chance at all, he can feel free to do that. He's 50 years old and indicated he hasn't been on a date for many, many years. He really has no game at all but I like him. I gave him the chance for commitment and it seems he's taking that chance.

[Asker]

He had issues of a date not progressing towards relationship status and getting friendzoned. I'm apparently that one woman that hasn't ghosted him and he was surprised that how we still keep in contact all this time, not getting ghosted. I have a bit more options but it's not that good either; just slightly better than his position. So if this method is working out for him and I'll get what I want, why not... what the heck.

[spartan55]

The old "you'll never get better than me" strategy...😂 😂 What is the fucking jellysfish that guy is.

[Asker]

@spartan55
At least I'm not mean enough to tell him that, unlike my sociopathic-narcissistic ex boyfriend. He used to tell me ''I'm better, you'll never get better than me'' and purposely waste other women's time, lying to them to, lying about marriage and kids, waste their fertile years. He was evil.

[Artificial Intelligence]

Absolutely, stick with what's working for you! It sounds like you've found a strategy that aligns with your needs and boundaries, and that's fantastic. It's all about finding that sweet spot where your needs are met and you feel respected and valued. Relationships are not one-size-fits-all, and what works for one person may not work for another. The key is open communication and making sure both you and your partner are on the same page with your relationship approach. Just keep an eye out for balance—being guarded is okay, but make sure it doesn’t prevent genuine connection and growth in the relationship. Remember, it's about finding the right rhythm together, not following a strict set of rules. Keep dancing to your own tune, and love will follow the beat! 🌟

[Asker]

Nice answer from an artificial intelligence

[spartan55]

Wow, sounds like you have it all figured out. Basically, don't anything at all for a guy while dating. That should work great. 😂😂😂

[spartan55]

*don't do.

[Asker]

Exactly. It's bad when we open up too much, get too vulnerable and give away everything without getting commitment in return.

[spartan55]

Maybe don't pick turds and that wouldn't happen.

[spartan55]

So you are going to do nothing but show up, what are you expecting the guy to do?

[Asker]

I'm not actually doing nothing. I'm dedicating my time and attention on him. I've given chosen him and given him the time of the day. That's more than enough.

[spartan55]

You are so delusional.

[Asker]

Not so if he's following my lead. If I'm about to get what I want, how is that delusional?
From a realistic point of view, I'm the one that has slightly more options than him. This isn't for bragging purpose and I'm not that special either but if he decides to ditch this opportunity with me, he'll be the one alone, not me. I already know his weakness.

[spartan55]

Lol...😂You're going to use the numbers game. What you said is true, but many guys will gladly be single vs dealing with a entitled princess.
So, again, what are you expecting out of him.

[spartan55]

How do you know you will get what you want. You are assuming an awful lot.

[spartan55]

You think a guy will actually believe choosing him and giving him the time of day is all he needs? You are high.

[Asker]

I'm not an entitled princess. I just want what any normal woman wants, a life partner (get out of the dating stage for once and for all) and the possibility of having one child at least. Is that too much to want? I would gladly sign the prenup without any hesitation. I don't care about someone's money. Never did.
I used to be an innocent, naive girl long ago and did fell in love long ago, really thought I would get commitment out of him and nope... I got destroyed by a real, legitimate sociopath.

[spartan55]

I love how you won't say what you expect out him.

[Asker]

From him, I expect loyalty and at least one child. I don't ask much, never did.

[spartan55]

That's not you're asking. You won't even let the poor bastard come over.

[Asker]

I don't even like jewels either, never did and don't even wear make-up. Think before you call someone an entitled princess. From a man's dating scene, imagine going years having no date and always wanting a relationship and so you devised a method that's working, found someone that has less options and things are going fine, would that make you entitled? Nope
Same for me, we can get a date easily but harder to get commitment from a man.

[Asker]

I actually developed some feelings for him, honestly. We would both win in the end. I'm there permanently (literally until old age) if I get commitment out of him. At least I don't fail with that. If he cheats that's another story. I never cheated ever.

[spartan55]

Entitled doesn't have to do just money. I haven't mentioned money here, because it's not part of my opinion. So if your system landed a sucker then why hasn't he committed?

[Asker]

We're working on the process together and he agreed on coming for the marriage the 2nd time he visits me. He already visited me last year (long-distance for the meantime) and has sent me pictures of the text messages between him and the Secretary of State and county regarding single status certificate and marriage documents required. We've agreed with the deal that I'll be sending him the money for the paperwork and cost of wedding. We're skipping the engagement part and going through to the wedding at a courthouse. It's a bargain we've agreed upon.

[Asker]

I do my part and he does his part, which is coming to my location again and going through with the wedding. We would both win.

[spartan55]

Now I get, he's getting a green card out of it.

[DrPepper12]

Fantastic!!! Choose you first and be careful who you let in!! Boundaries are ESSENTIAL for any relationship!! Keep it up!!

[Asker]

Exactly. I'm looking out for myself.

[Juxtapose]

You should set up boundaries from the beginning and not tolerate disrespect.

[Asker]

Exactly. Everything has its place and time. My dating life isn't brought in the house, it remains outside where it belongs. Living with a boyfriend... hells nope.

[Juxtapose]

Well you might want to get used to the whole boyfriend thing because men are realizing that marriage is basically a wealth extraction scam. Also a piece of paper from the government will not assure devotion.

[Asker]

Just like living together for many years is a waste of time for me. Why would I go for something that isn't good for me, that will destroy my last remaining years? If I were to have a child with a boyfriend, within my last remaining years of fertility and he leaves, I'm another single mother and obviously no other decent man is going to want to commit to a woman with someone one's child... to a woman that could only get sex (sex is free, big deal... whatever, any man can give me that) but no commitment.
Honestly I've already spoken with him about my goals. If someone isn't ok with them, they can take a hike. I don't care. I'm going for what I want. Besides I'm not marrying for any incentive. I'm not one that's going to be paying for any wedding arrangements. We've already set a deal that a wedding will be free for him. I don't want money. I have enough myself. I would gladly sign a prenup without any hesitation. I don't want money. I want a life partner, a husband, to get out of the dating stage.

[Asker]

So given I have already taken away the ''monetary incentive'' out of the equation and I'm going to be paying for the wedding arrangements myself, what other reason would he have to refuse this deal?

[Juxtapose]

Women initiate the vast majority of the divorces and even with a prenuptial agreement that can be voided in court and the man will be held liable for your lifestyle after 10 years of being together. Alimony.

Marriage is a very significant contract and it is one of the most legally significant things you can do. I don't believe in getting the government involved in my love life. I don't need a piece of paper to show I love somebody.

[Asker]

Then find a woman that never wants marriage and is on your same page; that thinks like you or stay single. If she's perfectly with your total distrust of every single women on earth and doesn't mind living with someone that thinks commitment is saying ''I love you'' and dating forever (after all... a boyfriend and girlfriend is just a verbal agreement, words can be blown by the wind, anyone can say I love you, words are just words after all. I don't want nor need worthless ''Oh my beautiful wife'' words (no I'm not anyone's wife if we're not married) in my life.

[Asker]

He can't be added to any of my health insurance coverage if he's just a boyfriend. He can't decide for me if I were ever in an accident if he's just a boyfriend and there would be no tax reduction if we're just dating. Meanwhile you can freely live in your fantasy of being in the forever ''oh my love'' infatuation stage and forever into romance and sex, thinking that's love.

[Juxtapose]

You don't need a legal contract with the damn government of all things to have a valid, lifelong relationship.

I don't need the government in my life, that's some 1984, Stalinist type of bullshit.

[Juxtapose]

You do you but I really don't understand your type of thinking. Sure marriage has some benefits but only an idiot would take such a lopsided contract regardless of how much they trusted the other party.

[Asker]

I don't understand with your thinking either so let's agree to disagree. You do whatever suits you and I'm going to get what I want

[laly520]

good luck with it

[Asker]

Thank you. I'm looking out for myself.