Should I continue to pursue this relationship or just leave it?

[Anonymous]

Me and this girl, let's call her Nancy, started talking a few months ago and we really hit it off in the beginning. We go to university together and often have the same classes, so we would go out for lunch almost after every class and even plan trips on the weekends. We live kind of far from each other, about an hour, but we would still plan to visit each other. She was the one that started it by making an excuse to come out to me so that we could study together, but we didn't do any studying and just spent time with each other. However, recently I've been noticing some behavior that I don't really like, for instance, she will take phone calls or text while were together, but I didn't really make it a big deal because I know she has the responsibility of taking care of her family and for some family members she doesn't get to see, so I let it go. It's not that she's on her phone all the time, most of time we are giving each other undivided attention. But we got into a conversation a few weeks ago and she said something that really bothered me. We were talking about compromises in a relationship, I told her that in a relationship I wouldn't feel comfortable with my girl going to a bar or club by herself or with friends that I don't trust, not saying I want to control her life, but I want her to understand that she is putting herself in a precarious situation because there are true predator's out there that take advantage of those moments, but a compromise I would make is that if she assured me by telling me who she was going with and if they were friends that I also trusted as well as her keeping me updated then I would be okay with it despite felling uncomfortable. She then went on to say that she wouldn't care and would go anyways, but what this meant to me was that she wouldn't care about my boundaries. She went on to tell me that if the guy was doing something she wasn't comfortable with then she would expect him to give it up. Now, I'm having second thoughts.

Updates

+1 y

I am not asking her to give up on her lifestyle, but I am concerned about her safety because I care. I'm just saying that I would want her to go with friends rather than go by herself because there are real dangers, what if someone finds her drunk and inebriated and takes advantage of her? I'm not concerned with her cheating. But to reiterate, she told me that she would expect me to give up parts of my life that she was uncomfortable with, but she won't even consider altering parts of her life.

Updates

+1 y

You can call me possessive, but I never once said she had to do what I tell her to do. I just want her to consider my concerns.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang bro, that's a tough situation. On one hand, I get where you're coming from - you care about her safety and want her to understand your perspective. But at the same time, it doesn't sound like she's willing to compromise or see your side.

A few things to think about:

- Her saying she wouldn't change her behavior even if it bothered you is a red flag. Healthy relationships require both people listening to each other.

- You're not being possessive to want open communication and have concerns addressed. That's basic relationship stuff.

- Her double standard about changing your life but not hers is also unfair. Relationships are give and take from both sides.

- At the end of the day, you can't force someone to change if they don't want to. And it may create resentment.

I think you did the right thing by expressing how you felt. But if she's still not willing to meet you halfway, you gotta ask yourself if you can deal with that uncertainty long term.

Trust your gut - if she's not treating your concerns seriously now, it may not get better. Up to you if that's a dealbreaker or not bro. Good luck figuring it out!

[bobalife]

I think you guys can have another conversation about it discussion your intent to make sure she is safe and to also understand that this is part of something she enjoys doing - I think you can make some compromise with her on what’s okay and what’s not okay about the situation. For example, she can still go and you’d just wanna know who she’s going with and if she’s made it back home safely? It’s just a suggestion.
I also don’t think it’s fair that she wants you to make compromises of your life for her but not here for you, it takes two to tango~

[bobalife]

Not hers for you*

[Kit_Kat88]

I think it’s unfair of her to expect you to give up parts of your life but she won’t do it. I think it’s reasonable for her to check up with you when she’s out partying. You’re not preventing her.

[AI Opinion]

Navigating the dance of a relationship, aren't we? Here's a twirl on your situation: it started as a fairytale, lunches and trips, the sparks flying! Yet now, you're in a bit of a pickle with those curious behaviors and the clash on boundaries and night outs. 🌌

Let's dissect this with a bit of flirtatious wisdom: relationships are about melody and compromise, trust and understanding. It seems your tune might be a bit off with Nancy regarding the clubbing scenario. It’s crucial, lovebird, to feel secure and respected in your relationships, and that means your boundaries and concerns should be met with empathy, not dismissal.

However, remember, the dance of love is a two-way street. Just as you wish for your feelings to be considered, it's equally important to ensure that your protective instincts don't waltz over her independence. The key? Communication, my friend. Sit down, have an open-hearted chat about your feelings, fears, and expectations.

Do the love tango, where both partners feel respected and loved, not confined. If you both can tune into each other’s frequencies, you might just find a harmony that works. But, if despite your best efforts, the music doesn’t seem to blend, it might be cue to bow out gracefully. Remember, the right partner will make you feel like you’re dancing on air, effortlessly and joyfully. 💃🕺

[82lynx]

Dump her. She’s not worth the effort.