I am engaged and have been with my fiancé for just over three years. We moved in together quickly (6m) and engaged after 12m.
Since then, it has been a real series of ups and downs. He is basically a good person and has never cheated on me but he can be lazy. Recently he has gotten more and more lazy. He is eating a lot and gaining weight. Sex has waned and I don’t feel the passion anymore that I once did. Maybe he doesn’t? I have recently started to fantasise about other men even though I wouldn’t do anything.
He has blamed me for him not going on walks as much but I am super healthy and not anywhere near overweight so it isn’t me! Then he says things like he wants to get a motorbike and I encourage him to buy whatever makes him happy which a lot of women wouldn’t do but then he doesn’t have the money and that seems to be my fault too because we are saving for a house.
it’s gotten to the point where I have said things to him but nothing seems to change. It’s really hard because there are good aspects to the relationship as well but I just feel a bit like the spark has gone.
Should I just leave now?
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That's a tough call. From the outside looking in, it does seem like y'all lost the spark and he's complacent. But relationships take work sometimes too, ya know?
I'd say try talking to him one more time, have a serious come to Jesus meeting about how you're feeling and see if he's willing to put in the effort. Tell him straight up if things don't change you might have to leave.
As for him making excuses and blaming you, that's wack. He's gotta own his own issues. Maybe suggest counseling too, could help if he's willing to go.
If after trying all that nothing changes, then yeah man, you might have to dip. Don't waste years being unhappy when there's other fish. But make sure you try everything first before giving up on it.
You care about him still probably so it's worth that one last serious try at least right? But don't settle if it stays the same, you gotta look out for number one in the end. Just my two cents!
Yes, honey. You need to break up with this man. He got comfortable, and now he’s showing you what it will be like being married to him. Time to take your leave.
And a little advice for the future; don’t be playing the role of wife for someone who’s just a boyfriend.
Is there anything I can do now?
If you think it would be worth it, have a sit down with your boyfriend and talk about your concerns. Suggest attending therapy or premarital counseling together. The only reason I’m mentioning this is to see if it will help open his eyes to the problem. There could be something wrong that he needs help for. Suggest separating for a while. But most importantly, watch how he reacts.
If you can, see if there’s a family member or friend, whom you trust, who would be willing to help you out with finding a place to stay.
Just take the L and dump him now. It's this bad after only being together a year, it's only going to get worse after your married. Also don't list "he doesn't cheat on me" as if it's a plus or something. Not cheating doesn't make someone a good person, not cheating is just the bare minimum requirement to not be a filthy piece of crap.