Should I stay or leave my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Lately my boyfriend has been very distant. Distant as he stopped doing the romantic things he used to do, stopped texting, and then disappeared for a several days. When I asked what was going on, he said he was busy. We finally got a chance to talk and he has a lot going on financially, as well as his mom being sick and becoming dependent on him.

I want to stick by his side and help him through it but I just feel so alone. I have stated to him what I need to feel loved and he says he will try to do those things, but would it be better for me to walk away? Mentally, he not in a great place, so how can i expect him to be nurturing/caring to me when he not at his best mentally?

Im torn because I know relationships go through rough patches and if my mom was sick, I probably would be acting the same way. What exasperates the issue is that he was already acting that way before his mom was sick.

I don't want to stay in a relationship where I feel like my needs aren't being met but then I always don't want to break up with him because he already going through it with his mother's health and finances.

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you sure that his mother is actually sick and this is not just an excuse?

[Asker]

His mother is actually sick. She has cervical cancer.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have already thought about "what if the roles were reversed." How would you hope that he would respond if your mom was sick and you were distracted?

[Asker]

I would not want him to leave but I also feel like I would not neglect his needs. With him its like when something bad is going on, he forgets everything else until that one problem is resolved.

[OlderAndWiser]

Do you think that is intentional and deliberate?

[Asker]

I don't know. He said that's just how he has always been. He is a fixer and when he can't fix his issue, it just blinds him to everything else that is going on in his life. Even before his mom got sick, he was a little distant but his mom getting sick just exasperated the issue even more.

[OlderAndWiser]

Is he otherwise so wonderful that you would be willing to tolerate this fault in him?

[Asker]

He is a good person deep down but I don't think I can tolerate this for long. This sounds foul but I'm being honest here. I need emotional intimacy and if i don't get ir I'm afraid that I'm going to try to find it some place else or someone else. I wouldn't cheat physically but I feel like i would emotionally if i met someone else who was giving me the emotional intimacy i am craving. I have never cheated before but the fact that thought even crossed my mind scared me. I would rather leave before i do some stupid that would further hurt him.

[OlderAndWiser]

There is nothing wrong in leaving a relationship that doesn't satisfy you even though you think your partner is a nice person. You both deserve to be in a relationship that meets your needs and you probably wouldn't be able to meet his needs, either. There is no reason for you to feel guilty.

[Asker]

Yes, your right. I need to figure out the right timing to do so because he is graduating as well tomorrow so I don't want to ruin that accomplishment for him.

[OlderAndWiser]

That is very considerate of you. It may seem that you are only showing common decency but that seems to be not so common recently.

[LiamSawyer]

Just take a break from him and make sure your needs are looked after.

[Silvius]

Leave him