Shall I leave this relationship?

Question

The woman I'm dating makes greats efforts for me to feel at ease with her. She cooks for me, and she does all kinds of things so I feel great.

But there's a problem, she's very manipulative and insecure. Like very manipulative.

She constantly criticizes me, or censors the way I say things or do things. When I try to improve them strangely she becomes even more disgusted and demanding.

It's like I can never keep up with the standards she wants, and when I try to share my thoughts about any topic I frequently feel she will criticize me and discourage me. The love I get feels conditional, and I don't feel like capable of making her happy.

This is a topic I brought to her several times, and it seems she makes efforts to fix it. But even then it is frequent, and I'm starting to get very tired of it.

Shall I stay and try to work things out, or shall I leave? How can I tell?

loveslongnails · Accepted Answer

I have GOOD NEWS for you, and bad news for her. The bad news for her is she will NEVER change. This isn't something you fix like to stop biting your nails or leaving your dirty socks around, or forgetting to put the toilet seat down. This is a flaw in her personality, and she will forever belittle her partner for being inadequate and not living up to her standards. At worst, she'll eventually gaslight her partner as well.

The question isn't should you leave, it's why are you still there and how fast can you get out? There is no upside to trying to fix this. That will only delay the inevitable and end up causing more stress, distress and pain, particularly for you.

After you tell her you're leaving, she'll rant defensively and say it's all your fault, laying on as much guilt as possible. However, soon after you're gone, she'll quickly be "over you" and find someone else to manipulate. That's what they do.

hahahmm · Accepted Answer

Too early to tell. Seems like you are allowing the bad stuff to happen. If she was with a guy who didn't allow this stuff she would either behave differently or leave the relationship. You haven't really created a situation where we can see this.

Check out some of my Mytakes, including:

Where did the idea come from that she gets to decide when you are behaving best/properly? It's not a good road to go down. See Men Don't Need to Act Like Women

You're acting like she's the leader: Equality in a Relationships & Leadership

She is telling you how much your love is worth -- she's devaluing the things you do to inflate the value of what she's doing. It's similar to: How Feminists Devalue Men's Contributions with the Non Gender Role Game.

Amara_09 · Accepted Answer

Leave. You deserve better.

Talk it out with her and express your feelings. Let her know what she is doing to you and how you truly feel. The rest is up to you but I would never tell you what to do. It’s easier for me to say because I would tell you to leave right away but man, since you are involved with her then it’s a lot harder for you to just leave, so make up your mind and do whatever it is you want to do.

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

You know the best.

But, if you really appreciate her efforts, you could be her ally for some time and try to help her. The best way would be to find a specialist and start the therapy.

You see... you can always leave the relationship. But if you enjoy her, out of the problems she has, maybe it's worth putting in a bit more effort and checking what would change and if you will enjoy it more.

coachTanthony · Answer

Maybe she wants you to put her in her place as the man and stop allowing this or she's just a bitch and is this way naturally. Either put her in her place or leave... at this point you got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

sawno · Answer

If your considering to leave stop giving in to her demands and just be you. If it ends because of it it ends, if it helps her accept it you can continue. You have nothing to loose at this point.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

How did she react when you raised these concerns?
what are her parents relationships like.

she could use therapy.
should you leave…long term, you will be destroy by this… if she doesn’t make the changes.

SphynxUK · Answer

This is a red flag. It’s an unhealthy relationship and you would do better to leave before it gets worse. You deserve to be loved for who you are. Her corrections aren’t about love or care.

boy_with_panties · Answer

It sounds hard to just leave it before you talk about it. Talk to her, and if she don't listen to you, then you can leave her. And in that case, you have an explanation.

boobliker · Answer

You are 35 plus put a sock in it and put up with her trying to make you better
she must love you a whole lot to put up with you.
love is always conditional on something
so get on with making her happy-er

Anonymous · Answer

I mean you can talk about it. I don't think I could tolerate that if she didn't make improvements on this.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

She sounds exhausting.

NathanDavis · Answer

leave and don't look back either

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Leave her ass.

Shall I leave this relationship?

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