Abusive relationship, should I leave him or not?

[Anonymous]

I have been with a guy since 2016 and within 4 months he started verbally abusing me. I chose to be with him despite knowing the fact that he have severe anger issues. But in 2021 he got physically abusive for the first time, he said it won't happen again and I trusted him. In 2022 I finally broke up with him but reconciled in Jan 2023, I loved him since I was only 15 years old maybe that's why I kept taking him back no matter what he did. But in June 2023 he again got physically abusive that too many times. He never stopped being verbally abusive. I left him but now he's coming back again and again just for me to give our relationship another try and that he will definitely change this time or else if something ever happens again I can leave him then. I don't know how to make him understand that I can't be with him anymore my mental health is getting disturbed. Or should I give him another chance and trust him this once?

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on what you've described, I do not recommend staying in this relationship or giving your boyfriend another chance. Here are the main reasons why:

1. He has been physically and verbally abusive multiple times over the course of your relationship. Abuse is never acceptable and it often escalates over time.

2. His promises to change have been empty so far. Despite saying abuse won't happen again, he has continued the behavior repeatedly. Promises without action mean little.

3. Your mental health is suffering as a result of his abuse. Being in an abusive relationship takes a tremendous toll on one's self-esteem, confidence and general wellbeing.

4. The cycle of abuse - where the abuser apologizes, promises to change, then repeats the abuse - is very common. There is a high chance the pattern would continue.

5. Your safety could be at risk. Even if you don't think he would seriously injure you, any kind of physical abuse is dangerous. You deserve to feel safe with your partner.

6. Starting a relationship so young meant you lacked experience to recognize the abusive signs at first. But now you can and must act in your best interest.

7. Leaving an abusive partner is often a process, not a one-time decision. You've already broken up with him more than once. Staying strong this time may be difficult but is necessary.

At the end of the day, no amount of history or love can justify staying in an abusive relationship. I know ending things will be hard, but you deserve so much better. Building up the courage and strength to leave for good, and seeking support from loved ones, would be the best decision you can make for your long-term happiness and wellbeing. I wish you the very best going forward. Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[richardcory]

He is an abuser. This is not what normal relationships are like. He will try to make you think its normal, or your fault or whatever but that isn't true.

Do you have friends or has he isolated you from them - a typical abuser behavior. He likely has tried to set things up so that its difficult for you to leave.

Ideally you should leave and report the physical abuse to the police. Even if they can't arrest him, it will be on his record the next woman he abuses.

Please PM if you need someone to talk to. You are in a bad situation and its not in any way your fault

[XHopelessRomanticX]

You’re not married to him. You have no reason to stay. Please leave this man and seek counseling.

I don’t know if you keep going back because you feel like this is your only chance to have a relationship, but I can assure you that that is not true. We live in a world of over 7 billion people. There are other men out there; good, kind, gentle, loving men who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And you deserve to be cherished.

[Nikki1989]

Why are you still with him? Move on.

[Asker]

I tried but he makes it so hard for me to move on. He's actually powerful and I get scared that he'll do something to me. He even approached the guy I started talking to

[Fireguy17]

go now, don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out.
It will never get better, only worse.
If he says he will change but never goes to get help then he is lying to you.
It is best just to get out as soon as you can.
Change your phone number, email passwords everything.

[Mynameisbobby]

Why would you even consider giving him another chance? He is not going to change he obviously needs help to find out why he treats you like he does.

[MementoMori777]

If he doesn't treat you right there's really no point of staying with the person

[Twalli]

You shouldn't have taken him back in January. He didn't change then so he won't now. Honestly, I didn't have to read beyond the question to know the answer.

[Staximus]

Are you stupid? Get rid of that bum once and for all unless you like being abused

[Asker]

Nobody likes being abused but sometimes it's hard for a person to make decisions for themselves maybe cause they're too scared.

[Staximus]

Stop making excuses and stop giving that guy 10 chances to stop fucking up. He already did what he says he wouldn't do again and again. Pull your head out of your ass and leave him for good already.

[Asker]

I have already left him, it's just he contacts me every single day I have blocked him but he still finds other ways to approach me, he actually comes to my work place too

[Staximus]

Have some people kick his ass

[Asker]

I wish, but I'm never going back to him now.

[Staximus]

Says the woman that already went back like 5 times. Get a restraining order against him already

[Asker]

We live in a country where all of this doesn't matter if you have the power. All I can do is make him understand calmly or else he can ruin my life.

[Staximus]

You can also ruin his life.

[Asker]

How? I can't, I'm too weak. I lived with him for 7 years knowing he verbally abuses me day and night. It was like one day he was good and the other 6 days of the week were the worst. Crying and begging him to shut his mouth.

[BigDog1989]

My girl "friend" left her ex, once he hit her. It's one thing to yell and scream but, men NEVER should hit a woman, NEVER

[jeffend888]

He showed you who he is 4 months in. And you chose to stay. So that’s on you.

[Anonymous]

I swear if I were a dating coach I would encourage men to punch women because apparently it keeps them coming back.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

Please leave this loser now.

[stratford]

Leave him as soon as you can

[Celticwolf78]

You don't need to put up with his crap