How do you think the relationships you’ve had with family/friends/partners in your earliest years have changed your views on relationships currently?

[caitycat21]

For me, I honestly unfortunately haven’t personally had or seen a lot of healthy relationships. My parents are divorced and my dads a dead beat that cheated on my mom several times during their marriage.

I think despite my dad being a deadbeat it’s taught me a lot about men, mainly to not waste your time with men who clearly don’t want to change because my mom being a Christian woman really wanted their marriage to work so she didn’t leave him despite all of the cheating not to mention the physical and verbal abuse she suffered from him during their marriage and I honestly think she wasted so many years being “married” to that loser that she could’ve spent with people that were more worth her time.

I also have this aunt who I kind of feel bad for because even though she’s married she might as well be a single mom because her husband refuses to help out around the house or even get a job because he thinks their too “low value” for him even though they have a lot of kids he refuses to do anything to provide for them so their very poor and love terribly which I just think is disgusting on his part, he’s lazy and he’s also entitled. Just a terrible person to be around, seeing their relationship as an outsider looking in Id never entertain a man that lazy and self righteous.

I don’t really know exactly what I want for sure in a relationship yet since I haven’t really dated anyone like that yet but I do want someone who respects me/cares for me/and most importantly loves me which I think is a good foundation for any relationship.

I don’t really think there’s any “right” relationship, cause different people will want or value different things in a relationship. cause ofc no relationship should be controlling/abusive/etc but some people might want a more traditional relationship and others might want a more non traditional relationship but at the end of the day as long as both parties are on the same page and happy to each their own 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Anonymous]

My parents always fought since the dawn of time. I always had the impression my dad hated my guts bc I could never do anything right, according to him. Growing up with him as been very difficult and I was afraid a lot of times, so I was super stunned that there are fathers who genuinely love their kids and show them genuine affection. Lift them up and shit, root for them, spend time with them. I adapted the mindset that men aren't able to love and marriages don't work.

My best friend dumped me and our other best friend bc of her boyfriend back then and said that he was the only thing that matters in her life and she doesn't need anyone else. I went through a really bad depression bc of it about 10 years ago and still struggle now and then. Adapted mindset: Everyone leaves you for someone better - and to always put friends before relationships bc I never wanted to be like her.

And my last ex-boyfriend took advantage of my helpfulness and lenience and weaponized it against me, just as his suicidal tendencies, put me through an emotional wringer and manipulated me so he wouldn't have to solve his self-caused problems. Adapted mindset: If you offer someone your pinky, people will chew off the whole hand.

So, all in all I'd say I became a very wary, stand-offish person who loves too deeply, but is afraid to waste it on the wrong person.

[Anonymous]

My parents’ relationship is healthy. Some of my aunts and uncles’ tho are mostly not (constant cheating, emotional abuse, etc). So from a young age I kinda learned about what’s right and what’s wrong BUT it wasn’t until I started getting into actual relationships that I learned about what I wanted, what I can and cannot tolerate, conflict resolutions, my attachment style and all that jazz. I only saw the surface of what a healthy relationship should be like (based off of my parents’ relationship) but I learned so much more from my ex. And I learned even way more from my current boyfriend.

[HawkPerception]

My parents were separated when I was around 11 and it's only made my views on marriage stronger. I would have preferred if my dad was around more when I was younger. I don't care about how much money he makes. I just wanted to spend time with him. I won't make that same mistake with my family. I'll give my kids all the time I can.

My younger brother and I were pretty close up until when he got into high school. Then he got into the popular group and started to realize how introverted and "uncool" his older brother was. He started looking down on me for everything. Even when I was the best soccer player in school, he brushed it off when others said it. And it got worse when I dropped out of a few programs in college and he finished his stuff and has a job now. He now thinks I'm just a dumb guy that has 0 wisdom and nothing to look up to. He ignores my opinions all the time. And the only thing that would change his opinion of me now is if I became really financially successful.

[mstbooblover]

The bad experiences I had to go through in my youth at what I reluctantly have to call "home", made me very suspicious about potential partner's family... I'm ready to engage into a relation, but only with that partner, and not with the whole smala of relatives. What later happens depends of course of circumstances, because sometimes one has nice surprises ;0)

[exitseven]

My parents got divorced when I was in high school. I never saw them kiss each other. They were not affectionate. That sort of messed up my early experiences with girls.

[tiloj3059444]

I've never been interested in long-term relationships anyway.