I fucked my friends husband. How to make peace with that?

[BaileyisDarcy]

I will ignore comments that clearly didn't read the description. Youve been warned.

My friends in a poly relationship. She has a boyfriend, as well as a husband. The husband does not have any other partners, only her.
I found out he had a crush on me. I... Did not return those feelings.

However, i am a sexual being, and if i set my mind. I can usually make shit happen.

I decided, if all lights appeared green, then i was going to have sex with... The friend.
Well... Lights turned green. But not with her. So, what ended up happening was i was trying to drop hints, and was doing so! But she was taking them as hints about him. Not her. In the end she basically told us to go have fun.

I should have asked for clarification. I should have done many things differently.

But i went with what was happening because im weak willed and im good at settling for second best.

So I had sex with her husband. Afterwards, she came out and sat with us, we conversed, she obsessed over my tat then we all went to bed. I Fell asleep on the couch, he went back to bed with her.

Great. Everything looks okay. It didn't even occur to me that thered been a fuck up anywhere.

I wake up, being told i need to leave. So i do.

... shed not been okay with it.

So... Now she hates me, or is just really pissed, i dont know the difference right now. Its been a month though so... Probably the former. Im barred from ever talking to him again. And they almost went down the divorce line. Takes two to tango right?

Just... I dont know. I feel like he's more to blame than i am (he lead, i simply followed. Youd think the guy IN the relationship would know better than i right?) And i feel like she really could have said something before things got too far...

But i also feel like absolute shit because i ruined what could have been an awesome friendship (wed been friends for about 3 months prior) and almost destroyed a really close marriage.

.. what do you think?

(Being brave. No anonymity for me)

Updates

+1 y

Shits been resolved. We finally talked it out, and after a bit of thinking I've been forgiven.

[kaajal]

She should have said NO. She is the one married to him. Whatever happens, their relationship gets affected. To take care of their relationship, is their responsibility. You just happen to be the collateral damage, it seems. Anyway, you have nothing to forgive yourself for. What you might do though, is contact that friend and tell her all that you told us here; especially that you wanted her and due to the some miscommunication, that happened.

[ciitruskiwi]

Have you ever heard the saying "don't shit where you eat"? If you want to fuck someone's husband, poly relationship or not, you at least make sure it's not your friend's husband. That's just for unnecessary and unwanted drama. Maybe she is okay with being poly but she still never thought that her friend would use that as a reason to fuck her husband. If I were in a poly relationship I'd hope my friends don't.

[Anonymous]

Getting involved in a three way open relationship, as well as a threesome, rarely works out. The wife may be pissed off because the guy said you were so good in bed!

What is done is done, and cannot be undone. You will probably not be able to repair the damage.

No one is particularly to blame. Opportunity was there, so it happened.

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you for MHO!

[lillz10]

She's your friend you should of known better but why did she let you?

[BaileyisDarcy]

The question of the year. I haven't got a fucking clue.

[lillz10]

I'm sorry but it's on all three of yous. The husband shouldn't of been up for it and refused so should have you and your friend can't be putting blame to you yes you shouldn't of and you should of known not to do that to your friend or anyone but seems to me she wanted you two to do it

[lillz10]

Just read the update good news just don't be as stupid the next time either of yous

[BaileyisDarcy]

Yeah. I usually have issues with finding the line... I definitely found the line this time.

[devilman666]

Lol wut. This whole thing is dumb, the entire problem is that your 'friend' needs to get her head on straight. can't be in a poly relationship, openly seeing another man, then get mad when your man does the same, not only with your consent, but basically with her telling you to do it? She needs to get over herself, she can't have her cake and eat it too, though shr seems to think she can.

[devilman666]

If I need to explain the 'friends' actions, she doesn't love the guy, probs just using him for money and emotional support. She wants a poly relationship so she can get all her needs met while expecting him to get nothing (and probably less sex, since she's getting it elsewhere.). Because she has him locked in marriage and too pussy whipped to question her, she thinks everything will be good till at least 30. Then suddenly you walk in, from her perspective hinting that you want her husband. She doesn't care about him having sex, but she worries that he will look to get out of the relationship with her that she knows is unsatisfying and be with you instead.

[Finchie40]

Not your fault and if they want to blame you for it that's their problem , the fact that the wife is poly so it's ok for her to go fuck around but not ok for her husband , fuck that , just move on its not your fault

[Finchie40]

You going to fuck her husband again lol

[BaileyisDarcy]

Hah! No. I learned my lesson XD

[Finchie40]

Yea too much drama , you don't need that shit

[abc3643]

1. Glad you had the cojones to not go anonymous.

2. Welcome to the world of men who, when dealing with women, get hypocritical signals and end up punished and confused.

3. I'm not judging but this is exactly the sort of thing why monogamy exists and things like "open relationships" and "friends with benefits" is bullshit and only leads to emotions and conflicts.

4. This is what happened:
A. She asked how it was.
B. What she wants to hear from him is:
1) It sucked.
2) She's better than you in bed.
C. It doesn't matter what he said, she interpreted it that it didn't suck and you are better than her, so...
D. She flips out and gets possessive now.

Congratulations and, again, welcome to the wacky world of men dealing with women!

[WiggleWasser]

It sounds like everything was okay at bedtime, and in the morning it wasn't. Something happened in between. I'm guessing she asked him how you were in the sack, and he sang the praises of your sexual performance. The wife was expecting to hear different.

[MsMusic]

that sounds most likely

[Jessington]

I think that's horrible. And that you are both to blame as much as eachother. Not him more. Your both aware of what a marriage is. Not just him.
I hope you manage to sort your problems out for the future and leave other peoples guys alone. And i hope he sorts his problems out too. I feel sorry for your ex friend.

[olderbudweiser]

Thats a very interesting scenario. Do you know what was said wen they went to bed? That cud be vital. However based solely on what you wrote then your conscious is clear youve done nothing wrong. She gave u the go ahead n was happy to let you. Plus she has other lovers but can't accept her husband doing same? Hypocrosy. As long as you dont know what they spoke about in private then she is two faced and completly wrong... you dont need to fix this.. she does

[BaileyisDarcy]

I have no idea what was said. I know he ended up with coke poured over his head (he told me when he dropped me off) and a whole bunch of shit thrown at him. But i fell asleep pretty quick and im a deep enough sleeper that i didn't wake up until the yelling had stopped so...

[olderbudweiser]

He musta said something like how great you were in bed.. like best ever... or wanted u as a girlfriend or admitted feelings... i can't imagine anything else that would set her off without her being two faced

[BaileyisDarcy]

From what she's said to me it was purely because there wasn't an established relationship bettween him and me. Like their rule was that sex with other people could only happen if there was an actual relationship with that other person.

I had no idea about this, he did, and she didn't say a thing about it until after the fact. She did ask while we were sitting together chatting if i was interested in a relationship with him... Which i guess was one of those traps guys always talk about? I was feeling pressured cause she was pushing the point and tentatively said yes.
She ended up telling me later she knew i wasn't romantically interested in him in the first place because she could tell my behaviour around him was never any different to my behaviour around my cousin...

I dont know. The most he said about the sex itself is that im a floater, whatever that means.

[olderbudweiser]

Floater is basically not committed yet to anyone. Sounds like she may have a small insecurity if she insists on a relationship... or did i read that wrongly n she was afraid of u n him getting close... either way ur not at fault n she needs to cop on n he needs to back u up

[monkeynutts]

Their poly although they say they have ethics most of them would Bend the rules. I got friends into this, forget about it, tell her don't tell her if she kicks up a stick just forget about her. Not worth your time. If your going to dabble in that kink you have to know that some things like this will happen.

[Jan_Classic]

Well obviously she's a shitty friend and a shitty wife, so... Wait them to divorce and grab the man if u like him. But honestly the man is also not a man, just a weak parody to a man. A reel man wouldn't let that bullcrap to happen.

[bipolarmilly]

If they are in the relationship you say they are it's not your problem if she is mad... let some time go by and if she keeps the angry thing going maybe she isn't as good as of a friend as you thought... they chose to let this happen they will have to figure out how to fix it... usually it is communication and time

[boggboss]

Well ya fucked up I don't know how these stuff go open marriage but clear clarification woulda been needed if I was you before I did anything even then that's murky water as you are friends with both and the potential to get fucked is too great

[boggboss]

There is no doubt that you are a ass not a bad person but ya did fuck up big

[Decentguy]

your friend sounds like a retard to me, i mean she can have a boyfriend, but her husband can't have any other partner?

[Dog19]

I always thought highly of you. I thought you were a cool person but apparently not. You have disappointed me.

[Dog19]

You out of all people? I would never do this to a friend. You monster

[BaileyisDarcy]

I like to think im a cool person... I just fucked up. Massively. Apparently that happens everytime i have sex but you know. Shit happens, thats life. Ugh.

Sorry.

[Dog19]

Never mind about calling you a monster, I read the full story that she said it was okay for you guys to have sex? But anyway I have no comment...

[BaileyisDarcy]

I DID write to read the desvription before commenting so... But thats fine.

[Dog19]

But you did say that you would of done it anyway if he said let's have sex! Even though that was your friends husband

[BaileyisDarcy]

Where did i say that?

[Dog19]

husband does not have any other partners, only her.
I found out he had a crush on me. I... Did not return those feelings.

However, i am a sexual being, and if i set my mind. I can usually make shit happen.

I decided, if all lights appeared green, then i was going to have sex with... The friend.
Well... Lights turned green.

[Red_Arrow]

Dog... the friend she was talking about was the gal, not the husband.

[Gingerbread-Man]

I think the best thing to do is to just sit down with her and explain it just like you explained it to us. Sounds like a big miscommunication.

[Milandoingthings]

Well, in time you will forget about it. She too probably.
But as you said being weak willed is something you should work on..

[LeeKenz]

Well obviously she’s not ok with the poly thing and even if she was, you shouldn’t fuck a FRIENDS husband.

[Waffles731]

My undersranding is poly relationships only work with communication, I think her husband takes a tiny bit of the blame here, but I don't know if this is fixable

[Waffles731]

That's good

[Just_Me1234]

Best advice I can offer: move on. If the friendship is over, mourn the friendship and move on. I don't see anything that you can do for the situation.

Unless you have a time machine.

[cancan73]

She's selfish and a hypocrite so you probably don't want to friends with her, move on with lessons learnt

[Anonymous]

damn, if she's upset about it or whatever then next time she should have joined in on the action and have a threesome with you two lol

[Billywu]

Sounds to me she wants her cake and to eat it to. She's just a slut she's nobody's friend but her own

[GrimThatFox]

I don't know why she was mad about it, but I guess you could explain to her what you thought and she might understand.

[Browneye57]

Yeah, cheap and sleazy. Just keep your nose clean - this one is done for.