I cheated on my husband only one time and I ended up pregnant. I don’t know if it’s my husband or the guy. Should I tell my husband and the guy about it or pretend the baby is my husband.
You cheated on your husband, got pregnant with another man's child, and the first thing you do is come on here to ask a bunch of internet strangers for advice? I hope this story is bullshit... otherwise you are a horrible person.
Ladies, please take notes: whenever you ask why men don't want to get married, don't trust women, or have their doubts about the women in their lives, IT IS BECAUSE OF SHIT LIKE THIS.
You should tell your husband immediately that you cheated on him and that you aren't sure the baby is his. Then, assuming he doesn't already know, you should tell the guy you screwed (literally and figuratively) that you are married. Then, you need to take a DNA test (that you should pay for since all of this is your fault), to determine who is the actual father.
Then, this part is important, you need to DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. If your husband leave you, accept that and respect his wish. If he wants to move past it and chooses to stay with you, then you need to spend the rest of your marriage grateful for the husband that you don't deserve.
This dude deserves your Most Helpful Opinion, cause it is straight up the most Realistic, Practical, and Honorable thing you could do in this given situation. and to add to it. If your husband leaves you, let him, dont go bothering him or seeking child support (even if the kid is his), and if he stays. NEVER under any circumstances ever so much as look at another man with sexual intent until the day you or your husband is 6ft under the ground.
It will come out eventually, so come clean and risk the consequences. The longer you deceive your husband, the worse it will be in the end! He WILL find out!
Putting myself in each of these men's shoes, I would want to know ASAP, although I'm not sure whether I would dump you if I were the husband and turned out to be the father.
Depending where you are, your husband may be considered the father regardless if you're still married when the child is born and then he has to jump through hoops to be de-recognized as the father. That would be very unpleasant for both of you, and the guy who cheated with you likely won't be willing to start a long-term relationship with you, either.
I think you can make this much much easier on yourself if you tell them both. Keeping this a secret would only work if you could keep it secret for the rest of your life and it's a horrible idea. Telling them both let's them know that even though you did something bad, you're willing to be honest with them, and that's the only way you'd ever give yourself the chance to gain back their trust.
Tell them before they figure it out on their own because it will be better if they hear it from you. That way it looks like you have nothing else to hide and you have given yourself the best chance of being forgiven.
You could have an amniocentesis done to check for paternity. The baby's DNA would need to be compared to a sample from your husband which you could probably get without his knowledge. If the baby is his and you hope to die if you ever cheat again then I wouldn't tell him. Telling him would serve to relieve your guilt by making him live in the agony of your betrayal. If your husband's not the father and you're still attracted to this baby daddy then just divorce your husband. He deserves better and your child will grow up knowing its father.
Pretend you are the husband... pretend your wife cheated... pretend your wife might be carrying the other guy's child... you'd really rather not know that your wife is dishonest and unfaithful, and take a chance that you might be raising another man't child?
@jsdfreedom You read my opinion wrong. No man should be expected to raise his cheating wife's child of another man. Yet if her husband is the father she should stay with her husband so her child is with its father.
@jsdfreedom If the baby isn't the husband's I'm assuming she's gone. So it doesn't matter whether the husband deserves to know. If the baby is the husband's and she's not ever going to cheat it's better for the baby if he doesn't know of her past infidelity. So you're right, I feel the kid's right to have a father is far more important than the guy knowing his wife once cheated on him.
"If she's not ever going to cheat"... SHE DID CHEAT. If you cheat once you prove that you have the capacity to cheat and have made the choice to cheat... and therefore cannot guarantee that cheating will never happen again.
"The kid's right to have a father is far more important than the guy knowing". I'm sorry, but grow up. Fifty years ago, that may have been a reasonable ideology. But today, divorce rates are astronomical, and kids growing up without fathers has become the norm. Why is it ok when a woman leaves a man for any infinite number of reasons, yet you don't support the idea of him leaving because of her infidelity. That is selfish, dishonest, and manipulative to hide that from him.
Do you want to stay married? If so, say nothing, as it is likely his child. This is especially so, if you have other children. If you feel you must come clean about the baby's parentage, then have a DNA test. But don't just blow things up, and then find he's the father. You need to consider not just your feelings, but also the welfare of the child.
I actually don't believe you, but hypothetical; tell your husband. Find out who the father really is through dna test when you can. And be prepared for a divorce.
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