Should I cheat on my husband?

Been married for 8 years. Never cheated even though my husband always suspects I have/I am. I love him but was never really in love with him. If I am being truly honest he was just a guy I was messing around with as a rebound from a heart breaking relationship. However i got pregnant and we wanted to do the right thing for a our child. I have tried to leave but my resolve gets weak when he cries or threatens to kill himself (which I think he will do if I leave). He doesn't satisfy me sexually or emotionally. I have tried to train him but we just don't seem to click (no passion, or fires burning here) he doesn't give me any space, constantly going through the phone or bag and computer to see if I am cheating. I have to account for every minute away from him or he PISSED. I can't have any friends because according to him he is the only friend I need. I am so tired of this, I fell into a deep depression for years and had to take pills just to function. Now I am finally on the other side of my depression and defying him by getting an education and going out more. In 8 year of marriage we have been on 4 dates. I literally begged him to do more stuff with me and about the little things that mean so much but nothing. It's not like we go out it's even fun because he literally hates anything different and new and just complains. He wants me barefoot in the kitchen pregnant type and I want to travel and have new experiences type. I am suffocating and need some relief. I get compliments when I go anywhere and I know he hates it, when we go out people say you have a beautiful wife he often brings it up on the ride home ," you think your something huh? you like when people give you attention huh?" To be even more honest he not my type at all and I know that plays a part in sexual frustrations but honestly thought I could grow to love him and be more attracted to him, I even asked about bringing a another female into relationship, which I still regret asking because he just cry
Updates:
I am tired of feeling small. I want someone who can make me feel something and I can feel something for even if it's just temporary at least it can carry me through the 50 + years of mundane. My husband often jokes about being a "Sith lord" but we both know it's TRUE he is aniken. I am just too soft to leave him, knowing what he will do. And if he finds out he will probably kill me but it doesn't even matter as staying like this forever makes me want to kill myself.
I have tried leaving and after crying for what felt like hours he went to basement and fired his gun. I and was so scared I would find his body that night but he didn't go through with it and I told I would stay. I know it sounds dumb but he doesn't deserve to die because I don't love him.

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Most Helpful Guys

  • Okay, I read your post and I'm guessing he was a good provider which is why you picked to marry him. Second, be honest. You got pregnant on purpose. Women have the final decision to have a baby or not plus there is how many different forms of birth control to go along with that so you could have protected yourself. The way you stated you got married to do the right thing for your child. I believe you knew what you were doing. Third, the reason why you married him is that he is a good provider as I stated above. Meaning you love him not in love with him says it all. You thought over a period of time you'd find some attraction but him not trusting you is making you lose attraction for him. The truth is you married this guy because you were looking for a long-term prospect. Now I'm betting he isn't the type of men you were with before you married him. My advice is not to cheat on him but get a divorce. Then when you do don't look to get everything he has. Child support yes he is obligated to pay that but alimony if you are working is ridiculous. Unless you want to add to the number of men out there reading this story and then going MGTOW and not getting married then go right ahead. If you can support yourself, do that then. Far too many women out there who take advantage of the system and then give women a bad name and then guys like me who have never been married say screw this. It's something to think about but my advice is if you are not happy to leave.

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    • So for those that say get counseling I have tried and he refuses to go. For the guys that say I had a choice this no excuse but I got pregnant as i got off my long term bc that was making me an emotional mess. After having it removed i was starting to gain clarity little by little and got pregnant when a condom broke shortly after. Also he not the provider i am, he is an artist who I have supported for years. I make more and he has to get alimony and child support if I leave him. Personally I don'tcare he can have the money. Secretly for the last year I have been going out to eat by myself. I love the feeling always wish I could do it more often or stay out longer. In the st 6 months i started school again for my grad degree so I am just now relying on him. Before that he was a stay at home dad. I forced he to get a certificate because he hated the work he did and would get a job and we struggled on one income. He was mad at first but now he makes better money and likes his work

    • At the time I was young and came from a religious family. My parents basically said you made your bed now lay in it. I that was my thinking going for forward. I deserve this for being stupid when I was young. But now as I have gotten older I am not sure why stuck with this man who doesn't like anything I like and told me he was interested in all the things in was but then just drinks and watches TV all day. (I hate tv) I am a book person. The more time has gone by the more I realize he wasn't in a bad place when i met him, he is just that person. And yes I did see something in him. My ex cheated on me and broke my heart. My husband was honestly in love with and borderline obsessed (or so I thought) and he was loyal. I figured the situation could be worse at least he loves me and I could work on loving him. To be honest a lot of respect was lost for him when I started to realize he wouldn't man up and become The provider for our family.

  • *sigh*
    The stories I hear about the consequences of sleeping around.

    I would point out to you that you talked plenty about your own troubles, but said nothing about how your children are doing with all this going on. I don't mean that as an attack, just something worrying to me.

    Tough love incoming: I don't care about what would make you happy. You made your bed. I care about what is best for the children.

    Statistically, children are far, far better off with a father than without. If the man is a remotely decent father to his kids, doesn't abuse them, etc. than it might be best for them if you suck it up and stay. Go to couple's counseling, do whatever you have to.

    If you do decide to leave him, please make QUADRUPLY sure that they continue to have male role models in their lives. It is vital to their development.

    But don't cheat. You made a vow. Make the best of the shitty situation you put yourself in.

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    • The kids are fine thank u
      I take care of them and they are the priority other wise I would have left a long time ago. He knows this. I stay for them but even if I left I would not take them away from him, he is a great dad. I stay because I don't want to upheaval their lives, they don't deserve that. But sometimes I find myself on autopilot taking care of them and him smiling going to functions, I also want to be happy but it's like my life it not my own. I am here to make everyone else happy. Your right I won't cheat. I am too cowardly anyway. But I think the consequences of 8 years ago have gone on long enough.

Most Helpful Girls

  • It is intense your husband lacks self confidence and is highly insecure. Try marriage counseling in gradual steps. Ok here choose a counselor who is definitely of high review rating , as it comes down to this. You want someone who will view it as a subject and not chastise either of you. Discuss carefully though not all the issues in one sitting.

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    • I have tried to get him to counseling but he thinks marriage counseling is the first step of divorce and refuses to go. I have went as far as set up the appointment and going but he didn't show up. He said he did want us to gang up on him because the counselor always takes the women's side. I have since given up on the idea that somehow we can make this work. He says everyone he knows that went is divorced.

    • You have a valid point and experience. I think he needs therapy individually instead. In a non challenging way which is hard I understand. Omg I know it’s so difficult. What age is he?

  • To answer your question, do not cheat on your husband. It would only make worse.

    You need to file for a divorce immediately! He is emotionally and mentally abusing you by constantly checking your computer and phone and by keeping you away from your friends, especially saying he would kill himself if you left him and won't accept the fact you also need to have a life outside of your marriage. This is manipulation since he is isolating you and you need to leave him immediately.

    You need to drop him and enjoy life to the fullest. Divorce him before the abuse turns into domestic abuse and seek a therapist for your depression to better your life.

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    • *It would only make things worse

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 45

  • He is a neurotic but controlling mess of a piece of shit. You're not doing either of you any good by letting him get away with that sort of emotional manipulation.

    Leave, get a divorce. He doesn't have the guts to end it.

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  • Never a good idea to cheat.
    1. Doesn't say much about you as a person.
    2. How would you feel if you found out that your husband thought the same way about you?
    3. Can backfire horribly, and in fact has been the cause of many murder suicide tragedies in my country.
    4. A cautionary tale about rebound relationships.

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    • He knows this, so please don't feel like i am hiding all this from him. In all the times I talk to him about wanting to end this relationship I explain my feelings to him. he also knew we were messing around and not in serious relationship but I am to blame because I knew he loved me more. Sometimes I wonder if the condom really "broke". , sounds terrible I know but he was older with no kids and wanted kids terribly but was giving up due to not finding anyone and due to age.

  • Yes.
    You entered this relationship under false pretences if you just leave you get half his stuff without deserving it. If you rampantly and shamelessly cheat then when the divorce happens he has a fighting chance at keeping what should belong to him.

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    • This is such a laugh, I literally pick him up from rock bottom and took care of him, got him every job he ever had and practically forced him to get a certificate to get a better job instead not working and complaining and living off my income. He thinks I am advancing my education to make more money to be able to leave him and threatened me for alimony. Half of what I don't deserve Haha men think all women want is money in a divorce. Stop projecting on here

    • Oh you married down? No wonder neither of you are happy.

  • Just get a divorce. Jesus Christ. Your situation is not healthy for your child at all... or for you or your husband for that matter.
    You should have got an abortion, realistically. You certainly shouldn't have got married. How are you doing "right" by your child if your in a loveless relationship where both partners resent each other for a variety of reasons? One day your kid will realise that it is the cause of all the misery in the household.

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  • Didn’t read any of that, all I say was “cheat.”
    No, don’t cheat, it’s reprehensible and a flaw of character. Don’t try to justify it with whatever circumstance (s) you’re dealing with right now. If something is bad and you’ve tried everything in your power to make amends and you’ve lost all feelings for your husband, then it’s time you two part ways.

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  • I know a woman who was in a situation a lot like yours. She ended up having several affairs. She told me that she thought she was going to have to find love (good sex) outside of her marriage. After a number of affairs, she found the man of her dreams. She got a divorce and married this man.

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  • Don't cheat on him, but you do need to leave. I don't know what that looks like, but this is an extremely unhealthy situation for you. He's not gonna kill himself, it's all just an act to get you to stay. Even if he does kill himself, that's not on you.

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  • End your marriage. It dosen't help either if you continuing.
    Cheating isn't going to resolve anything. End it and move on.

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  • Get a divorce. He wants to control you, he doesn't want you for you.
    Also, he won't. Threatening to kill one's self has been a method of manipulation and control for centuries. Don't fall for it.

    Leave him, it isn't healthy for any of you.

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  • That's an abusive relationship. You have to think about yourself, cuz clearly his is not. While you think about his wellbeing, hi is not. Hi has problems? Good. You too and you need to get your problems solved, not his as well.

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  • "Threatens to kill himself..." Get the hell out now, and be sure to take the child when you go. Then get a lawyer and a restraining order.

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  • If you think cheating is wrong don't do it. Don't let him have more power over you by making you violate your morals. This is where you should take your life back. Gather evidence like texts, phone calls, voice record his outbreaks, get a spousal abuse lawyer and send the divorce papers to him once you have gotten a place to leave to. This guy seems very unstable and could be violent so to protect yourself and your child, I would get a gun and get some training after you have left. If you live in a state that has the power too, you can report his unstable behavior and willingness to use a firearm to harm himself or you/both and they can confiscate them temporarily after due process, have undeniable evidence for this.

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  • The problem isn't what your husband does:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=im1z73nuyYw

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  • Seek a lawyer. Go for divorce. You are killing yourself daily or let him kill himself or you. The pain must end. Take action.

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  • thats a pretty fucked up situation but you shouldn't let him bully you or manipulate you like that

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  • Another "I love him but I am not IN love with him" woman. You are thinking about cheating which means you don't love him at all.

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  • This guy is manipulating you. Leave the number for a suicide hotline, take the kid in court and leave him. You deserve better than this motherloving, goat fucking cunt.

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  • " threatens to kill himself"
    Find an attorney that specializes in spousal abuse cases. Get a divorce, move to a new city under a new name.

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  • If you’re thinking of cheating then you don’t love him at all. Why would you stay with someone that doesn’t love you? Are you stupid?

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    • well they do have a kid and he is threatening to kill himself

    • Show All
    • You don’t love each other at all. Do you not get that?

    • @asker well if he cared about you at all he would not try to manipulate you like this and would try to resolve your concerns if he cared at all

  • Yeah y'all see what "messing around" and "rebound sex" does?
    Nobody listens man : P

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  • You should leave and grab control over your life rather than acting like an immoral piece of shit.

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  • dont mistake love for sex they are 2 different tings
    fuck other men if it makes you happy and love your husband they way he wants

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  • I think he must go to psychologist NOW. Next time you speak with him, tell him, he needs help

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  • you shouldn't had children together in the first place... this can't end well

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  • Wow... This sounds like my story with gender roles reversed

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  • If you don't love him, divorce him. Cheaters are low life cowards.

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  • Leave, its safer for everyone, and everyone will be better off

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  • Go to councelling. Grow the fuck up.

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    • I have tried and he refuses to go. He says everyone he knows who went all are divorced. He also said the counselor always takes the women's side and its bullshit.

  • Twice as many men kill themselves over a lover.

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  • message me we are one and the same you and I.

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    15

What Girls Said 14

  • Get a report going of phone calls, text messages, recording and such. Document his instability. Do so for a few months. File a police report pack your shit and leave. Send the divorce paperwork! This is all toxic and if he’s willing to kill himself he will certainly kill you if you get caught cheating.
    If I wasn’t clear the take away is.
    Gather evidence. File report. LEAVE!

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  • No, you must never cheat, be honest...
    And you seem to be the problem as you married a man you didn't love and you don't click with and act like he is at fault. You are, and by cheating on him you make things worse.
    Just be honest it doesn't workout and let him find a woman for him. Don't keep wasting his time.

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  • I know that type. Narcisstic manipulator! He has destroyed you and he will keep destroying you! Get rid of him! Do not feel sorry for him if he commits suicide, help him with it, give the gun in his hand! He emotionally blackmails you! Stand up! Fight back! Grow strong! He is the weaker one!!! I have gone through a similar case. Tough business. But i have become stronger. I have a new love. Totally opposite of him! I have never regretted leaving my husband! Put yourself first cause no one will!

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  • This is a highly abusive relationship.
    How do you think he'd react if you cheated and he found out about it?

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  • Both of you need treatment. Depression makes everything worse. I suggest for both of you to seek treatment and contact his family so he won't kill himself.
    Then with psychologist decide if it is time to go

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  • You're not attracted to him because he is a total beta judging from your story and I don't blame you for not feeling anything. Of course he doesn't deserve to die, but you don't deserve to live like that under that kind of stress.

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  • I dated a guy who threatened to kill himself if I left. I left him anyway and guess what? 2 weeks later, he's with a new girlfriend and blocked me on social media. Cheating isn't right. I would call the cops and let them know and pack my things and leave.

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  • Never cheat. Just leave and stick strong. Using suicide as a means to keep you around means he wouldn't do it if you left. It's simple manipulation

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  • You need to divorce him. This is just not fair. It’s not a healthy relationship and you shouldn’t feel like you have to stay. Your happiness is important. The more you drag it, the worse.

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  • Don't cheat. I think it will only make everything worse when and if he finds out.. Get him some help and move on

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  • If you don’t love him take a break or try to sit down with him

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  • Leave it girl.. no point in staying with a man like that

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  • Of course and leave him.

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  • Don't cheat. Divorce him. The longer you linger with him, the harder it'll be for him to get over you.

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