I don't know if I should text a happy birthday message. Don't know what to do!

[Anonymous]

So, I really liked this guy and he liked me back. Then at the beginning of this summer he just backs out of everything. I asked if we could be friends and he said yeah, but then I was telling him all the things he said we could do this summer and how all the effort I put in to making the long distance while I was at University maybe pay off this summer. I'm afraid he thought I was desperate and annoying/clingy. I didn't mean it that way at all, I was just telling him how hurt I was because he said we would hang out lots this summer and now he's just giving up.

Anyways, it's his birthday this weekend. I would like to say happy birthday through text, but I don't know if I should. I haven't talked to him in a month and I don't want to look annoying. But I just want to say happy birthday like I would to any of my other close friends. And I'm scared, what if I don't get a thank-you text back (yes I know dumb, but it'd be nice to be acknowledged). What should I do, wish him a happy birthday or not?

[Raelin]

Whatever you do don't text him. If he hasn't texted you in the past month I think that shows how he feels about a true blue friend of yours.

Im not sure why he backed out on you but he had his reasons if he feels he wants to be a friend let him get in touch with you.

My friend is very clingy with her ex's untill she gets a new boyfriend and I can honestly say ,as I'm friends with quite a few of them, they in no way appreciate the effort a girl will put in to maintaing contact after they split. Even though they will be nice about it they still say "She just won't give up"

Even though it may just be a happy birthday ask yourself in some way aren't you hoping he will want to spend time with you again? and not just as friends? Be honest to yourself and ask WHY you want to text him happy birthday.

If it is just for friends sake and you have no ultirior motives id say do it but if there is a nagging bit of you hoping for more id say don't you would just be giving yourself false hope.

[Asker]

I'd like to say it like I would to any of my other friends. I would like to be how things used to be, but I know he doesn't and I've accepted that. I've been hanging out with other guys since then. But, and I know it sounds dumb, I still would like to be friends. I told him everything when we were still pretty close. And I know it's been a month. This is why I'm torn. He'd probably prefer if I didn't text him. But it's just a simple happy birthday.

[Raelin]

You seem pretty dead set on texting him it either way but I see it as a convienient excuse to be used. I'm not trying to be mean but don't look to much in to it if he responds ok? He might just be being polite. On the other hand did he ever state WHY he wanted to back peddle on the relationship?

[Asker]

I was away at University and he was in the army. So I barely saw him. When I was just about done school, he said maybe we could go exclusive and that we would hang out lots this summer before he went away on his course. Then he had to help with the floods and I didn't hear anything for 3 weeks. So I asked if everything was alright and he's like yeah. After talking a bit, he said he barely sees me and that I live too far away. I was half an hour away in the summer. At school I was 2.5 hrs

[Raelin]

Hmm sounds to me like he found someone else...a half an hour hell even two hours ain't that long...well it kinda is but not if you really like someone.What a turd. I think your better off without him. Honestly its not llike he isn't of age to drive I know high schoolers who have traveld father for crushes...Im sorry your summer plans got ruind and I don't think he diserves your happy birthday. Your a far better person imo than he.

[Asker]

Yeah that's what I was thinking. It just really hurt, he was my first love (he saidhe loved me and I said it back) and yeah. And 2 hours, I know! My brother's girlfriend drove in all the time. He came in once, that was it. It just really hurt cause I put a lot of effort in to make the long distance work. I was hoping it'd pay off this summer. And I'm sad that he was blaming it all on me. His job calls him out alot. I was pretty hurt, worst feeling ever. Never gone through that before.

[Raelin]

Im so sorry I didn't ask my question previously because the orriginal post came accross to me as a mite clingy but what he did was worse. First loves can be crushing and I'm sorry you had to go threw it .I am pretty confident in time you will find someone worthy of you because he obviously is not. I mean he couldn't even be arsed to be honest and say "im lazy and found an easy lay sorry I don't feel like putting effort in to you anymore"

[Asker]

I know. I considered him a good friend. I'm so glad I didn't lose my virginity to him. I almost did, but I backed out. If I did sleep with him, that would've been once and I would have felt even worse about myself. But yeah, we cared a lot about each other, but then things kinda went downhill.But I'd still like to be friends with him. But he's 26 and I'm 19 (turning 20), the age diff was something I thought might be a problem but he seemed alright with it. But ya, I'd still like 2 b friend

[Raelin]

Well send the text and if he doesn't respond he's a troll if he does it may be him being polite. I think at some point it would be good to explain you miss his friendship but that's all there is thet you feel for him,though with his behavior I don't know if that time will ever come and if it does it just may be him playing with you because he will probably be single but I digress and I still think your far to good for him,the age also shouldn't be an issue its 6 years not thirty...hes not worthy of you.

[Asker]

Yeah, I still don't know what to do. It's his birthday today, I don't want to ruin it for him. Thanks for understanding, it's such a long story though (it goes over 9 months, ha ha). I just am afraid if I do text, what if he doesn't reply back? I would feel embarrassed and I'd look annoying to him. Cause he most likely doesn't want to see me anymore. I dunno, I'm terrible at making decisions ha ha

[Raelin]

Does he have a Facebook? its an easy out for sending a happy birthday without dreading a no responce since no one ever directly says thank you. But if you do want to be friends try talking to him later about it and your still to good for him damnit

[Asker]

No, he doesn't have it anymore. They can't have it for his sniper course thing. I know he's no good for me, it's just hard. I was doing so good, but since I remember everything, I remembered his birthday is today and I couldn't stop thinking about him all this past week.

[coolbreeze]

If it makes you happy then wish him a happy birthday. Their is a chance that he might not say anything back since it's been a whole month since you talked to him. I would text the message just to see what happens. If you don't do it, it will be one of those things you will think about.

[Asker]

I know if I text him, I'll be thinking what if he don't text back. If I don't text then it'll probably eat at me.

[coolbreeze]

Well it seems like it's a tough desision to make. I would text him just to see if he writes back and if he didn't write back try not to let it eat away at you. Just look at it like this you tried and did the best you can. I give it 50/50 chance he responds back. I think it's worth the risk. Good luck with your decision.