Have you met ever someone so impatient, impulsive and irrational?

[DizzyDesii]

So the pretty-eyed car dealer made several mistakes by showing my mom the opposite of everything she asked for… a different price range, a different suv, the main car color she didn't want, and it was missing the features we requested… But He’s called me almost everyday asking us to not give up on him.
Here’s what happened on Saturday, the one day pretty eyes did not call—

• My mom went to one dealership where her ”dream” suv wouldn’t even crank and she legit told the dealer she’d still buy it because it was pretty. I had to drag her illogical butt off the lot.
• At the next dealership, she turned the lady down for showing her something in her price range LIKE SHE ASKED.
• At the third and final dealership (technically the 11th since we’ve gone to several dealerships over the past week), we meet a kid who started 2 weeks ago and knew nothing about cars. I quizzed tf out of him, he lied and we called him out, and yet she still decided to buy from him all because he didn’t try to talk her out of her irrational decision-making like the rest of us!

Mind you Mr. Clueless sold 3 cars on his first day and then two this Saturday. We were at the dealership for 5 HOURS and my mom was sold in less than an hour on an SUV that

• She found pretty despite not being the color she wanted
• Was USED but priced as if it was NEW (and it was the same others wanted to sell my mom but she said no due to the price)
• Had features she hated but at least had my bucket/captain seats
• Was the specific brand that one mechanic advised her not to buy
• Had a specific engine that her own mechanic advised her not to buy
• Had no warranty which we all advised against

She paid $12k over budget. Her behavior was childish, embarassing and disappointing. I told her she wasted my time with all this research and that I’m not paying to repair if it breaks down. I told her she wasted other dealer’s times when they offered better prices and warranties. I told her she wasted the mechanics and fam’s time. #FeelFreeToList

Updates

1 y

Long story short, I guess the best way to communicate with someone who exhibits this behavior, is to allow them to live in their delusions. Don’t talk them down, just let them jump and “fly”. As for Mr Clueless— he started the job 2 weeks ago, made 5+ sales already by letting people talk themselves into buying, he apparently just got married last week, he's quitting the dealership at the end of the month (guess he made quick summer money), and he's moving down the street from my mom. Lmao wtf

Updates

1 y

So pretty eyes just called 😩 I had to break the news. He sounded like he was about to cry then he started telling me about his life and how other stuff isn't working out. I just let him talk cause i wanted to drag out the call since im gonna miss talking to his hotness 😂 He then asked for tips and I told him about the other dealer above. He thanked me for trying to help him succeed. But then he got cocky and started referring to himself as “pretty eyes” 🙄

[CrazyGirl2]

Honestly… Don’t worry about it! Your mom is an adult, as are you. As much as we love our parents and care about their best interests, at the end of the day our parents are adults, capable of not only taking care of us when we were children, but of taking care of themselves! Parents make bad decisions because people make bad decisions, and parents are just people. We need to understand that although blood is thicker than water, (a saying, which never made much sense to me because blood is not as thick as molasses… There are plenty of things that are thicker than blood! Anyway…), the relationship between parents and adult children is purely voluntary!

It's very easy to understand why anyone would worry about their parents, and be concerned about their purchases and financial decisions, but again they are the decisions of other adults who are free to make those decisions. If your mother is impatient, impulsive, and irrational then that is simply who your mother is. You have to make a decision, whether you can accept that and still remain friendly with your mother, or if you cannot accept it and no longer wish to maintain a friendly relationship with your mom going forward. Either way your mom is a grown woman who can buy any vehicle she wants for any reason she wants. It's important to remember that your mother's decisions are her own and they're not a reflection on you. The fact that your mother is so impulsive and irrational, but you are not, is merely a testament to your strength of character.

It might help to have a conversation with your mom and let her know that you will no longer be involved with "helping her” purchase anything because she doesn't listen to you. But a far better way of handling, it would be just simply tell her you're busy next time she ask you to go car shopping (or any kind of big-ticket item shopping). This way you avoid any potential arguments or hard feelings. Sometimes, even in psychology, avoidance is a good strategy to implement when dealing with certain people. If the potential threat of arguments and hard feelings outweigh the benefit of not doing something to help your mother, then avoiding any discussions about it by simply telling her “I can't, I'm busy" may be the best strategy for you.

I'm sorry that your mother purchasing this vehicle has caused you so much stress. But what is done is done, it cannot be changed so stressing or worrying about it any further only serves to hurt you. If I were you, I would put this behind me and move on. Life is too short to worry about other peoples problems even when that other person is your own mother.

Take care, and have a wonderful week.
Sincerely, Laura. 🤗 🥰

[DizzyDesii]

Yea I've never believed that blood is thicker than water and thats part of why she dislikes me. We’ve had arguments and shared hard feelings for years now. She thinks she can go to church and pray for forgiveness and I will forget her wicked ways. doesn't work on me. I only tried to talk her out of the purchase bexause she always looks at me to fall back on. Since 2013, she has played “the child” and treated me as the parent. But she still wants to boss me like she's the parent while using my money and so on. So i just dont respect the lady and she’ll have to bail herself out on this one

[DizzyDesii]

She has done physically and emotionally abusive things to me, tried to take financial advantage and even tried to ruin my relationships with others to get her way. So i’d love to move on but its hard when dealing with a narcissist

[CrazyGirl2]

Desi, this sounds like a very toxic relationship! The sooner you realize that you owe your mother nothing the better. You can be respectful of your mother, and still not help her buy a car. You might want to consider sitting down and telling her that you will no longer tolerate her behavior. Tell her that you love her very much, but if she will not respect you as an adult who can make your own decisions, then you'll have no choice but to cut off communication with her! Far too many adults, with unresolved conflict dating back to adolescence, and childhood, allow one or both parents to maintain control their life as adults! Unless our parents were exceptional and were not only always there for us and went above and beyond the call of parental duty, but instead did the bare minimum necessary to keep their children alive, and themselves out of prison for child neglect, we owe our parents NOTHING! The sooner you realize that the better. I fully understand that your relationship with your mother is NONE of my business, but you would be shocked if you knew how many patients I've treated who have very similar issues with their own parent's over judgmental attitudes, and their parents controlling behavior, even though we are talking about adults with children of their own! If your relationship with your mother growing up was as toxic as you say, and if your mother did all those things… Then your mother is highly toxic and you need to distance yourself from her! Again, if you are an adult, your relationship with your parents is strictly voluntary. If that relationship is toxic, then just like a toxic, romantic relationship, I would be derelict in my duty if I did not advise you to leave that relationship and to seek help immediately! Nobody has the right to interfere with your romantic relationships, or take financial advantage of you, and nobody I repeat NOBODY has a right to be emotionally, or especially physically abusive to you!

Good luck!
Sincerely, Laura 🤗 🥰

[DizzyDesii]

I know I owe her nothing although she loves to say “you owe me. I brought you into this world.” I can't wait to live in a state far away so that she understands the cut off. We’ve been doing “sit downs” for 10 years. She doesn't change. She took great care of me age 18 and under but nothing ever since and thats why im trying to distance myself further. I've taken care of her age 19-28. The emotionally Abusive shenanigans didn't start until 15+. The physical started in my 20s and i’d love to hit back but she's one of the few who i know i wouldn't win a physical fight against so i try to walk out but she loves to follow you like a kid and just keep poking. she's doing all the things her mom did to her. She said she wouldn't be like her but she is. She told me in 2017 that her goal was to drain me financially so that i’d have to come back to her and stay with her forever. That same year she told me that if she was now single, the goal was to make sure her daughters were too. she's already stopped my sis from going to college because she doesn't want two daughters surpassing her in life. she's gone crazy. Its affected my sisters mental and my mom said she hopes it affects mine too but i stay strong and do what i hqve to do to soon distance myself

[CrazyGirl2]

Yeah you don’t need to live in a different state, you just need to have the strength to say “NO!”, and the willpower to NOT answer the phone! This is clearly an abusive and very toxic relationship. If you’ve sat down with her and tried to tell her how you feel, and in turn she’s threatened you with financial ruin, then you need to run, not walk, run away from her and her influence on you!

Other than that there is not much more I can say. You're a big girl, if you don’t want to associate with your mother, then don’t! Nobody can make you feel guilty unless you WANT to feel guilty! If some homeless guy, started to try to guilt you, would you care? Hell no! Because you don't give a shit what some homeless guy thinks of you. You need to have the same attitude towards your abusive mom! If you don’t let her make you feel guilty, she can't MAKE you feel guilty.

Good luck, I sincerely hope it works out for you.
Laura. 🤗 🥰

[DizzyDesii]

I've said no many times and thats when the physical threats begin so yea i wanna be in another state

[CrazyGirl2]

Either way, no matter what you do, you know your mom best. Good luck, sweetie. 😉

[CrazyGirl2]

@DizzyDesii Thank you for the MHO. I really appreciate that.

Laura 🤗 🥰

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I had a friend with BPD for a minute. He completely lacked impulse control. He would call me every day, complaining about something. One day, completely out of nowhere, he said he adopted a puppy. He had gone to the local shelter and adopted a 5 week old pup that was far from house-broken. It was a very cute dog, but he didn’t have it for longer than a month after he realized he 1) didn’t have the patience to house train him and 2) wasn’t in a place of income to afford it anyway (he lived off of disability and couldn’t work). He gave the dog away to a neighbor and moved out the next week. This was honestly the costliest impulse he had during his time as my friend, which was short lived when he realized I wasn’t going to validate his bad decisions to confront people constantly who had hurt him just because

[DizzyDesii]

Wow i tend to confuse when its adhd behavior vs bpd behavior. I already know my mom is gonna treat this car like that guy treated the puppy situation. And my last two bfs treated me like that guy treated the puppy situation. They wanted a girl who would support them despite then being “broke” unless it involved their precious outrageous priced cars. I supported them emotionally and financially just for it to bite me in the ass when their breakup excuse was “im not financially stable so i can't be in a relationship rn”. Mind you one of them usd this excuse with everyone. He even dumped his fiance (the girl before me) for not keeping a job yet he bought her ring with her dads credit card and he's still paying it off. Lol i can't with these people. And also thats a bullshit excuse considering he started dating someone else already. he's a hobosexual looking for someone to pamper him. He stopped wanting to be with me when i stopped pampering him. My mom is the same as him. She doesn't wanna be around me unless im buying her something. And the other ex, he was financially intimidated and didn't want to be in a relationship where he couldnt match me financially apparently

[molonski2]

I sold cars for a number of years , and it was a great fun trade in those days , now over there , spoiled for choice I appreciate , but 11 dealerships for second hand wheels fck that , and If I'm going no warranty I'm buying it privately.

BUT , the proof is in the pudding , and your mother is a mature woman , and she has made hers , lets just wait and see if its as bad as you think it was , they may well be the best wheels ever , because you just never know.

In the 5years I was running car yards , I've not seen many bargains , and I've rarely seen someone pay overs , so its price is for a reason , and she was happy with it , thats all that matters , by the way , you dont need to know much about cars to sell em , thats just reeling off features , AI can do that.. We had some hilarious characters there , market is different in Australia , even in a bomb yard ( virtually non existent now ) you have to provide a warranty , so when selling thats a good thing..

As for mechanics warnings , a lot of that is simply untrue , those guys have vested interests , its often just opinion..

Lets see ( over time ) if mums choice was good , I hope for all it was , and you know chances are it will be.

[DizzyDesii]

she's old but she ain't mature. And the mechanics were guys she personally knows. One was my kindergarten music teacher who now does mechanic stuff on the side and had fixed my moms cars for decades

[exitseven]

Wow Dez, is sounds like you really have your hands full. I suppose you should be commended for keeping your cool and being a dutiful daughter.

[DizzyDesii]

Im glad someone appreciates my effort 😩

[exitseven]

I hope it all works out. 😎😎😎

[DishLady]

The salesperson isn’t being irrational, it’s a classic con to get mom to buy a car she doesn’t want (to get that one off the lot). Sales reps get incentives to get certain cars for the lot as quickly as possible and they tend to target women who supposedly don’t know much about cars. (In my case, I don't know much about them so I bring my friend who’s a total gearhead when there’s anything to do with buying or leasing a car.)


The guy will become impatient with the sales process as part of the tactic as well… it’s a form of gaslighting… as if to say “now you have what you want… this is the price… what do you want from me?… I’m just the sales rep…” Don’t fall for it…

[DizzyDesii]

No my mom is the one whose irrational, impulsive and impatient. The salespeople were clueless, poorly trained, bad listeners and liars. She already fell for the most recent dealer because he let her talk herself into buying. She already bought his overlypriced car

[DishLady]

Oh my!!! 😔😔😔

[ProbablyClueless]

Gotta say, Des... I feel really let right now that you would call him "Mr Clueless," after all we've been through. As if the town's folk wouldn't smell a scandal about?

For shame, Des... For shame.

[DizzyDesii]

Hahaha 😂

[RavVid]

Well not that impatient, impulsive and irrational as you describe. I have known a past girlfriend to salivate at hearing the magic words "It's EXPENSIVE" and seen her talk up the price. She would actually asked is it exclusive? Ideally she wanted designer products that were non-functional and broke when used.

She was highly rational with cars though. Still inclined to pay too much though.

[DizzyDesii]

Damn

[DrPepper12]

Yes. a lot of HS students who behave like gerbils on cocaine. No prefrontal cortex. YOLO lifestyle. Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse. Plans are for pussies. Reflecting is something you do in a mirror. It's Better to ask forgiveness than permission. Yeah, I've met a few...

[DizzyDesii]

Are you a teacher since you mentioned high schoolers? Cause my mom is in her early 50s and she's the one acting this way lmao

[DrPepper12]

Yes I was. It does sound like your mom marches to her own drummer. Very kind of you to do all that even tho she 💩 on it

[DizzyDesii]

I know not to do it again

[MicahRaine]

I hate it when people are like that 🤦‍♂️ drives me fucking insane.

My mom is like that because she grew up rich. Needless to say there's a reason no one takes advice from her, even despite her most relentless efforts.

[DizzyDesii]

My mom just got paid some money this month and tryna blow it all this month. She just ain't thinkin

[MicahRaine]

🤦‍♂️ oh well

[MicahRaine]

The update is wild 😂

[DizzyDesii]

Lol i can't stand arrogance

[MicahRaine]

Same

[nawtee_me]

Your mom and the dealer sound a lot like you are some of your boyfriends…. Even though some tell you no……. lol. J/K but it makes you wonder if being told no makes you want it that much more…. lol

[DizzyDesii]

Wait who told me no? Cause i dont hear that often… and yea that shouldve been the main question “do you rebel more when advised against something or told not do do something”. Cause man she was acting out. Also she is a Leo like my last two bfs. Those 3 ask for advice but always do the opposite of what they are advised. Im impulsive when its baby related. But they are impulsive when it comes to cars, shopping, etc. They are impatient and throw tantrums when they dont get their way. And they all act bipolar af

[just_a_potato]

One of my old friends (I pulled away from her very quickly because it was obvious she's the 'borrower' type), and my dad.

[RHK36]

I don't associate with red flags. If they engage with me and don't stop, then I mess with them until they get annoyed.

[DizzyDesii]

Okay but what about when its family which is who im specifically referring to here

[RHK36]

My family isn't sticking around for all the shenanigans you guys do. I don't talk to them at the dealership. I come with what I want for the price I found online. If they won't do it then I'm gone. Now would they rather make any sale or let me walk out with no sale made. I don't interact with them because they're only interested in your money.

[RHK36]

The answer to your question is still no. Because anyone I come across that is that way never gets that far because I'll distance myself. That's just me I guess.

[MysticDevice]

Yep. And she's one of my best friends. And dear lord she's a handful. But I love her. (Platonically).

[DizzyDesii]

How do you keep on loving someone like that? Legit curious

[MysticDevice]

Probably because we are simply friends. There's no romantic intentions from either side.

I will say if we were together it wouldn't have lasted.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao

[MisterWack]

A female relative of mine….

That is all I’ll say.

[NathanDavis]

not personally... lol

random encounters, many times... lol

[Pink2000]

Thankfully no. I’d get overstimulated just by being in their presence.

[DizzyDesii]

I stay stressed from it

[Wiredone]

Yes I have. That's the description of half my customers.

Your mom will be sorry she bought that vehicle soon enough

[DizzyDesii]

The boy said if she has any issues, to come back and see him. Lol he's quitting in a week. She really fell for that

[Wiredone]

I think she was just getting tired of looking so she just bought something

[DizzyDesii]

She said that but she wasn't actually looking. She had me, my uncle and others looking for her while she sat back and whined all fckin day. Then made physical threats when she didn't get her way

[Wiredone]

Oh. One of those.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea thats why I've been venting so much about her decision making

[Wiredone]

She's not making rational decisions at all. Is that her first new car

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao no she bought her last new car in 2018

[Wiredone]

Did you help her with that one too

[DizzyDesii]

No she impulsively came home with it one day

[ohmyguy]

That would describe one or two persons including me at times in the past.. three
Thoughs traits are embedded in me to a degree

[Alchemizt]

I used to deal with someone like that. They used to gaslight as well.

[DizzyDesii]

My parents have always given me narcissistic vibes

[Justneedtokno]

Yes me with myself but have not done all the work to move forward

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Not worth the aggrivation lol

[Telekinetic-Potato]

What timezone are you in

[DizzyDesii]

CST.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Damm so he called u right after work 😂

[DizzyDesii]

Lol im gonna miss those eyes 😭

[DizzyDesii]

by the way he called me at work. It was a monitored call but he clearly forgot cause we were gettin so personal

[worldscolide]

Good God I'm sorry. That sucks.

[DizzyDesii]

I do like the car tho. Just dumb decision making lol

[worldscolide]

No disagreement here.

[Phoenix98]

Can't say I have.

[Agape93]

Yeap

[legalboxers]

my mother

[DizzyDesii]

Mine too

[Anonymous]

My father lol

[DizzyDesii]

What did he do

[Opinion Owner]

Hmmm. The first thing came to mind was when he threatened my teacher with a hammer. He was in my face SCREAMING at me and she slowed down as she was walking by. We lived next to my school.

[DizzyDesii]

Okay thats another level of crazy 💀

[Opinion Owner]

I don't think he would have really hit her with the hammer, but yea... it was bad.

[DizzyDesii]

I take it he's banned from the school

[Opinion Owner]

CPS came to our house if I remember correctly.

[DizzyDesii]

Wow how’d he keep you

[Opinion Owner]

My mother probably did most of the talking. Lol

[DizzyDesii]

Yea cause he probably wouldve been in jail and you wouldve been in an orphanage if he did the talking

[eagle1951]

long ago