WARNING! This MyTake isn't meant to be taken too seriously and has a lot of exaggeration in it. Some are also based on stereotypes and jokes associated with Scandinavia. Other things are real to an extent, but don't apply to everyone in Scandinavia. Not everything is true though and some of it are dark humor. Readers are advised and read on your own risk. You may get a heart attack! By the way, I'm a Scandinavian myself.
1. Claiming that Norway, Sweden and Denmark are all the same
If you says Norway, Sweden and Denmark are the same, you would piss of many Scandinavians. In addition to being three different countries, we also have different culture, language and history. Similarities don't mean the same. Like how triplets are three different individuals, that's how the Scandinavian countries are different countries too. There's also differences between our languages that I've explained in another MyTake.
The only excuse to make an offensive statement like that are when you're from a country where you couldn't afford an education or you got a brain damage from failed ski jumping. Scandinavians do have empathy and knows when exceptions exists.
2. Claiming that Iceland and Finland are Scandinavian countries
Yes, Iceland and Finland are part of the Nordic brotherhood, but they're not a part of Scandinavia. Norway, Sweden and Denmark are the only countries included. Actually, they've been in an union together. But nowadays they're independent. They went from conjoined triplets to separated triplets. Finland and Iceland are more like cousins or distant siblings.
3. Claiming that Finland is a Scandinavian language
Finland shares no similarities with the Scandinavian languages at all and belongs to another family tree; the Finno-Ugric language group. It has both a different grammar rule, vocabulary, intonation and all these kinds of stuffs that you can find in a language. So making a such claim would be upsetting and if you can't hear the difference between them, you've probably not study hard enough.
4. Imitating a Scandinavian language
Us Scandinavians are proud of our languages, so we don't want to hear anyone ruining it. The only exception are immigrants because they're supposed to learn these wonderful languages when settling here and when a Scandinavian ask you to do so, so they can get a good laugh. If a Dane gives you the permission, try to say "rød grød med fløde"!
5. Not taking off your shoes inside
That's obviously. Take that shit off so you won't spread that shit in our houses. We don't want snow, rain, mud and so on to dirtying our homes. Especially not when most of us use thousand of kroners (or several hundreds of dollars) on house makeovers. When it's too cold staying outside, we need to stay inside in our cozy place.
6. Telling Danes they're secretly Dutch
It's pretty much self-explanotory. A map and a geography lesson would make you understand!
7. Telling Swedes they're the same as Swiss
Again, look at a map!
8. Telling Scandinavians we don't look Scandinavian
That's just plain racist! Not every Scandinavians comes in the same shape and color. We're all human beings. Telling a Scandinavian they don't look Scandinavian or Nordic tells more about how you're as a person than the person's Scandinavian status. Not everyone are tall, white and blonde. We've match-sized, brown-skinned and brunette people too. Another thing, don't continue asking us where we're from when we've already answered you. Scandinavians are (mostly) honest people. Not everyone are blonde either and some are very Asian. We're not SJWs at all, we just think some of you're racist.
9. Claiming Sweden is the capital of criminality
Criminality occurs in every countries and although it's true criminality isn't none-existent in Sweden, media and haters exaggerates the rate a lot. Attention-seekers makes click baits! Just look at the US, they're way more innocent than the Swedes with one of the world's biggest imprisonment rate.
10. Claiming that Scandinavia are invaded by immigrants
Yes, it's true Scandinavians takes in many immigrants, but only legal immigrants stays. Illegal immigrants gets kicked out. If an immigrant tries doing it illegal, the vikings would handle it and that won't look pretty. Scandinavians won't be exterminated that easily, because we're proud of our nations and aren't afraid of showing it.
11. Sitting next to someone on the bus if other seats are available
NEVER sit next to a person on the bus if there's other seats available. If you invades someone's personal space, people may think you're a pervert. Same applies to standing too close to someone. Always stand 1 1/2 meter away from strangers.
12. Talking to people on the street
Again, personal space! Don't talk to a stranger, because they (usually) don't want to talk to you. They may either be busy or just aren't interested in being invaded. Same thing applies in an elevator, on the bus stop, in the grocery store etc. It's only okay to talk to strangers if they ask you, you're walking in the mountains or woods, if you're both drunk or if it's an emergency situation. Scandinavians aren't bitches. It's our nice way to be polite in!
13. Telling Scandinavians we're cold
The weather is cold, but that doesn't mean Scandinavians are. We're actually friendly people. We just prefer to not stalk you or do inappropriate things. What do you think of us? We're not living in a jungle and screaming at each others like animals. Most of us don't go in kindergarten anymore either and we're civilized people. Is screaming on the bus maturer? We do value the freedom of privacy and the freedom of choosing not to talk.
14. Telling a Scandinavian another Scandinavian country is better
Again, nationalism. We're proud of our countries and don't like to be compared to each other. Especially not if you talks shit about our countries. But saying our countries do it better than other none-Scandinavian countries won't offend most of us.
15. Singing "Bork, bork, bork!"
That's how you annoys a Swede.
16. Telling Danes their language is ugly
Danes are proud of their soft and cute language. If you insults their language, you're insulting Danes as a whole nation. Don't tell them their language are ugly or sounds like a potato in their throat, because then you're asking for a kartoffel-war.
17. Telling Swedes they sounds horny
Same as 16, you're insulting a language they're proud of. Telling Swedes it sounds like singing and they're talented is okay, but insults aren't.
18. Saying Scandinavians are communists
Social-democracy isn't the same as communism. The Soviet union and China used to be communist. We're not communists. We support both a democracy, free market and business growth. It's just that many of us thinks universal healthcare and education are a good idea. Many of us don't want people to be broke just because of cancer or a broken leg like in the states.
19. Eye contact with strangers
It's only a thing you can do to strangers to make an awkward situation or make people feel uncomfortable. Don't do that in the bus, bus stop, elevator or grocery store. It's however encouraged to do eye contacts on a job interview and when you're talking to friends or family members. Eye contact is sacred and only a thing we wants to do with people we cares about or would play an important role in our lives. As social beings, we don't sacrifice more energy than needed.
20. Talking negatively about our countries (especially if you're an immigrant)
Don't talk negatively about our countries except if you wants to see a viking's rage! Although we're finished with our countries' puberty, also known as the viking and medieval time, we still have our genes.
It's especially important if you're an immigrant, since you're supposed to be thankful for we letting you suck on our welfare system. If you're a tourist, we appreciates feedback since we makes load of money on tourism in addition to things like IKEA, oil, fish, wood, cars etc. depending on which Scandinavian country we're talking about here. Just be nice to us and we would be nice to you.
So that's all the 20 things you should avoid except if you wants to annoy a Scandinavian or get your ass kicked by a viking. We're not violent, but we're just very very honest!!!
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