Up until like 9th grade I got bullied... brutally. I was the most picked on kid in the school because I was awkward, shy, poor, flat chested, and weird. BAD combination. You know that weird kid who everyone thinks is going to shoot up the school? Yeah, that was my reputation except I was completely harmless. Anyway, I changed so much since then that I can't even comprehend why I used to act that way, I guess I was just REALLY shy. And I lacked self confidence then. Now I seem very confident. I won't sugar coat it, I glowed up. Im not afraid to speak my mind, I like the way I look I think Im pretty, and I know my worth. But everytime I hear "I like you" "your pretty" or "wanna go on a date/be my girlfriend" and things like that, I INSTANTLY assume its a lie. Instantly. I assume the ulterior motive is to embarrass me or get into my head and make me look like a fool. Even now, as Im writing this I know it sounds dumb. But at the same time I get a niggling feeling that no matter how dumb it sounds, even though Im way past that stage and Im no longer a child but a woman... a GREAT woman at that... That maybe Im not. Maybe I never will be. And I just dont know if anyone else has ever felt like this but I always question myself everytime someone talks to me. And no matter how confident I act, I worry I will never get over the memory of being completely... COMPLETELY alone without even a friend to sit with. And I sometimes wonder how I changed so much but still can't fathom that people could like me. Boys, friends, family and all.
Why is it so hard to believe that people can like me when I hear it alot?
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