When you promise, do you always keep it?

[Vmm90]

I am the kind of person who doesn't make promises I know I cannot keep or simply don't want to.
When you make a promise to someone do you always keep it, unless there are circumstances where you can't?

[jp612612]

Especially as I get older, I make a huge deal about this. When I was younger, I might have promised something just to shut someone up, but now it's really important to me, especially if it's something that I promised my daughters. Like, I want them to know that if I make an agreement with them (no matter how insignificant it seems), that they can count on me to follow through and I also try to extend this to everyone that I interact with.

I've sort of talked a lot about Anna, this recovering drug addict that I hung out with over the Thanksgiving holiday. However, one aspect that I have not shared was how critical my family was over my associating with her, particularly once I found out she was a recovering addict (shocker: her dating profile mentioned none of this). One especially pointed criticism was with my treatment of her daughters, namely some of my family felt that I "used" her and her daughters as a little surrogate family to play with while I was dealing with being unable to spend time with my own daughters. I did not agree with this, but they felt it was wrong of me to sweep into their lives, take them on little zoo trips, do activities and then fly back home. I took the criticism to heart and I told Anna that if she ever needed someone to care for her and her daughters, that I would always be there for her.

I mean, to be honest it was an easy promise to make because Anna and I did not get along that well and it's something that I know she would never take me up on. However, I sort of hope she does someday because I'd like to think that I keep my promises and that would be one that I admit would be one that might be -- challenging -- for me to keep.

[Poppykate]

It sounds to me, that you would be happiler in the long run, if you just found someone to share you life with, and perhaps have more children with?

[jp612612]

@Poppykate You know, maybe? But the thing is, I'm pretty sure that I want the kids and not the adult that comes with them.

[Poppykate]

Lol 😂 that’s funny.. but a little sad too. At the end of the day, when the children have gone to bed, isn’t it nice to have an adult to have ‘adult’ conversation with? 🤔

[jp612612]

It is but... I don't think I want her to live with me and end up beholden to her whims. I mean, sure it would be ok if our goals were aligned but I don't think I ever want to go down that path again. Like, if she wants to text all night -- while she's at her place and I'm at mine -- I'll be ok with that. I mean, it's not like I don't like adult conversation or women in general. I love women! I just know it's not a good idea to allow my life decisions and finances to become intertwined with another person.

[Poppykate]

I totally get that! I am getting to that stage in my life where I am building up financial stability. The last thing I want, is to meet someone and then decide it’s a no go, and have to split half what I have worked hard for. No Way!

[Poppykate]

So what where her goals? And what made them so different to yours?

[jp612612]

You mean the ex-wife? She was ridiculous. She spent like she was Paris Hilton and on top of that, refused to contribute any of her $105k/year salary towards the family finances. Any discussion about that would turn into this "You can't tell me what to do with MY money!" argument. She was insane. The last year of our marriage, we made $410k combined and there were months where we lived paycheck to paycheck.

You know, it's funny though... in dating and meeting women now, I find myself realizing how poorly I chose in marrying Suzanne because now I seem to meet nothing but reasonable, wonderful women. The thing is, all of these women have children and I know that if I were to go back in time and tell myself to date one of these women instead, I would have scoffed at the notion because there was no way in hell that I would date a woman that had kids.

[Poppykate]

That’s insane. When you are earning that level of income, you need to allocated personal allowance, expenses etc, and invest the rest. At least half should have been going towards investments/savings etc. I found it hard with men. I get the ‘your too sweet’ crap.

[jp612612]

You know and it's funny because we did have a budget that did all of that allocation. I even included a 10% budget line that let her do anything she wanted with that money without having to run it by anyone. But you know, it just got worse and worse and worse. I know I'm probably overreacting when I say this, but I'm 41 now and I look back on all of those high income years and feel that they were totally wasted. And I admit, when I say that to people who know me, they think I'm a little nuts because I do own three homes and I do have a large 401k and somewhat large investment account but... I feel like I shouldn't even be having to work at this point. I just look back at the marriage and it was just a huge financial waste. I do love my girls and I can't reconcile a way of having the girls while never meeting Suzanne, but it still doesn't stop me from wishing it.

[Poppykate]

You are far from the first guy to think like this. And it’s unfortunate. Because there are a lot of good women out there, willing to put their partner first (if they had one). I truly hope you don’t give up on love and companionship. Because, the girls will grow up and move out. You will want to fill that space eventually.

[Double0Chan]

The word promise was invented for a reason, and I've made it a principle to not use the word unnecessarily. I only use use the word if I intend to keep my word, and once I do, there's no turning back. I follow this principle so well that i don't make unnecessary promises , I've also made it such that if I break my promise, I'll get the punishment in return

[jennifer_bloom]

I do most of the time but not all the time - about 80% and it depends on the promise. If it is something I have to do like homework I will always do it. If it is a social commitment to a friend I will always fulfill it. If it is volunteer hours or optional work that I don't have to do - then I will keep it most of the time keep my promises but if its a formal volunteer experience I will treat it like a job and 100% commit to it all times. If it is to somebody who is trying to manipulate me or doesn't respect me and they are forcing me to agree to something and I agree to get them off my back - I usually don't keep my promise.

[TwatTwig]

I try to not make promises period. Because anything could happen to get in the way of me fulfilling that promise. If there's something I want to do for someone or myself or whatever I just do it. You know what I mean?

[Decemberbaby86]

Yes, unless I really can't but I always try my best. I usually won't make a promise unless I'm sure I can keep, otherwise I would say I'll try my best or we'll see.

[SketchForger]

I tend to not make promises just so people aren't upset if I can't deliver. I'm pretty busy sometimes and if I can't get shit done I will foresee it and choose not to make any promises. That being said I have broken them before, which is why I don't make them anymore.

[RichardCranium6201]

I'm a person who u will never here ' I promise 'from. But I have said it. And still do from time to time. But it's so rare, but when I do, it becomes my priority

[hise-DepartmenT]

Yes, unless it happens to be something dangerous.

Example, a kid tells me that they'd skipped a day eating because they feel fat and not to tell their parents and then it keeps up. Well, I have to inform their parents about it because it would help them and hurt them if I didn't.

[Anon85]

I don't make promises I can't keep. I'm not perfect and I fail at that sometimes, but that's what I strive for

[Electric_Dreams]

I don't make empty promises, I always intend to keep them. I very rarely use the word in reference to me fulfilling a promise in the future.

[Swifteeeyyy]

It's hard sometimes to have the insight of promises you want to keep but can't... I've made many promises that in the end I couldn't keep and it made me feel crappy... I'm learning to have that insight day by day :D

[thechico79]

I always try and keep my promises, that's why most of the time I don't make any.

[madhatters4]

yes i tend to. i really don't make many promises so if i do it's only if i know i will keep it

[dimplez808]

I don't make promises because I don't want to ever feel if I don't keep a promise i am the bad person

[hasrett]

I try to. Mostly I do, because I don't promise thing I don't think I'll be able to do.

[Guanfei]

As much as I can, unless something really prevent me from keeping it. Promises are sacred, you don't make them lightly.

[diveman]

If I promise then I will try my hardest to make it happen. If I am unsure I will not promise.

[tartaarsaus]

No, I have made quite a few promises that I didn't keep

[SovietBall]

I believe in that quote:-

"وعد الحر دين عليه"

This literally translates to:-

"A free man's promise is a debt on him"

[theCars7897]

Yes I will because I hate to break promises unless I have to. I dont like to hurt a partner but only last reosrt is to break the promise I originally had with the partner

[xxAlanaxx]

I only make promises, when I forsure know I can keep them.

[BradA]

Always. That's I learn who to trust and who not to. But it's always the hard way to learn.

[Jedaiu]

I do. Its one of the promises my mom took with her to the next realm of existance, my memory

[LegateLanius]

I only make ones I can keep. If I can't I let them know

[Sabretooth]

I am sad to admit I have broken a few-not the least bit proud-plus side as none were ever major-so many a little proud in that respect