Did you know, somewhere in a alternate universe, toilet paper is called commode paper?

[llorando]

Yes

No

[NathanDavis]

~ The Ballad of Commode Roll ~

The year was 2020, early March, or thereabouts;

off the back of quite a summer plagued by bushfires and droughts.

So the nation was exhausted, many folks weren’t thinking straight

Which goes some way towards explaining #ToiletPaperGate.

It started with a virus, some say China was the donor.

They called it COVID-19 but we called it My Corona.

And we saw the illness spreading and the cruise ships quarantined.

And we sanitized our fingers as we lined up to be screened.

Then in amongst the panic, someone headed down to Coles

And loaded up their trolley full of toilet paper rolls.

We’ll never know who did it, what their motive was or why.

Or what brand of roll they hoarded, was it scented or two-ply?

All we know is in that moment, when they took it from the shelf,

They unleashed a chain reaction as a nation shat itself.

Now we’ve faced wars and cyclones, we’ve survived them all as one.

But a toilet paper shortage? Well it made us come undone.

For the people started hoarding all the last remaining sheets.

There were punch ons in the aisles, there was panic in the streets.

“Me crack’s in need of wiping!” Someone cried in desperation.

What else can I bloody use to solve this situation?

Some stooped to using gum leaves. Others left it on the floor.

Many wiped with plastic bags and returned them to the store.

While others rocked on the verandah with a shotgun fully manned.

To protect their precious stock, they’d rather die then use their hand.

And the cheeky bidet owners with their derrieres unhurt?

Well they rented out their bathrooms, $20 for a squirt.

But the greatest single irony throughout this sordid farce,

You get Corona in your nose and lungs, not shooting out your arse.

So we’ll never know when faced with a pandemic-level slaughter,

Why we spent our cash on poo tickets instead of food and water.

‘Cause history will tell you how the virus was contained.

But the rush on toilet paper? That can never be explained.

And I wonder if the Anzacs were infected by some jerks

Who’d fight over a dunny roll instead of fighting Turks.

‘Cause it seems to me it could just be a true blue Aussie trait,

to panic in a crisis and steal bog roll from your mates.

~~ by comedian Sammy J

[serious]

Alternate universe?

You really believe there is an alternate universe?

[llorando]

Maybe.

[serious]

@llorando

It has not been scientifically proven yet. There are only theories

[Snsl153]

Why "commode" paper of all things?

[llorando]

Cause it's another name for toilet.

[Snsl153]

It is? Okay.

[llorando]

it is, at least in the US it is.

[NamerOfStars]

I'm just glad that somewhere out there, there's a reality where the Watergate hotel was named after John Hancock, and the political scandal coverage is a LOT more fun.

[call_me_scar]

Did you know, somewhere in a alternate universe, commode paper is called toilet paper?

[llorando]

Yes I do. *quietly looks at own universe*

[Shark_61695]

Bog roll... for moving over swampy terrain.

[blondfrog]

yeah probably.

[legalboxers]

Get a bidet