Do you have a dark past that you'd wish to write your heart out?

[DenizLikesTennis]

Hey guys and girls,

please keep in mind that you can either ignore this question or post anonymously.

Thank you so much for understanding and stay strong💪🏿

[NathanDavis]

if dark means... my 16 years battle with depression during my childhood and teen years (first half of my life) I have mentioned it before on this site, lol...

and that might have been in the past, and that depression might have been dormant for the last 16 years as well (second half of my life) but I never consider it gone, these things could always come back or get triggered by some extreme and adverse situation

I however, do not consider my past to be entirely dark, I lived it as a duality, both dark and light... it was like living two lives in one, both being real and always present, I was a very happy kid but I also was a very disconnected person (rather than unhappy) at times and at the time, that seemed very confusing to me which is why it lead me to dark places, and a couple of times, to the darkest of all, where you cannot longer sense who you are or how you were... but, somehow I made it through and here we are, still, lol

[DenizLikesTennis]

Do you feel like you've missed something out because of your depression phase? For example, you'd enjoying doing certain activities but the depression held you back?

[NathanDavis]

I definitely missed out opportunities, yes... a few or many, depends on how you see it

mostly because I would tend to isolate from most people, and stick to a very selected few, or just a couple of people at times, so, while I did not miss out entirely on friendships or stuff to do with friends I did limit myself tremendously but just at times

my depression was like a mood that would come and go, rather than stay with me forever and never leave, so this made things very confusing and very difficult to keep up with, to maintain something consistent, while I was extremely shy as kid (plus the depression thing, lol) I was not an introvert, so I could have done so much more things with other kids but I just could not get myself to feel connected to larger groups, and at the worse of times, I could even disconnect from my few friends and keep a distance

and on a more personal level, as an individual... I had many interest and hobbies I was really into and loved but, because of the depression I also disconnected from them... and when some tragedy happened (just like tragedy can strike anybody else depressed or not) I went into a deeper state of distress, which, made me quite many things I enjoyed just because they started to hurt... rather than give me joy, so yes... it definitely held me back, and it felt like I was in a prison within myself (these were the extreme phases though, which would come and go in waves)

[NathanDavis]

to put it more simple, what depression did to me was to take away that "compass" for what feels good and feels bad, should feel good or should feel bad... it would turn me into a little robot that was not able to be bothered by any good or bad feelings... a lot of people describe depression as feeling sad and feeling bad, well, I felt nothing much... I could just not reach those deeper feelings, and that was extremely confusing and frustrating for my mindset as a kid and young teen, but again... it would come and go in waves, there was something weird in my brainiac chemical balances, lol, that is for sure sure

all of these extreme shifting seemed to easy or to just go away around the times when I turned an older teen (and when your brain also changes) and since then, I am way more "normal" bad shit feels bad, good shit feels good... and I was able to make more sense of my life and also myself

[Wise4myage]

Yes, I actually do, and maybe some day I will do that.

[DenizLikesTennis]

Enjoy the MHO

[Anonymous]

Depression, being needy and obsessed with the only 2 persons I loved (and not being able to be normal/ myself with them) being detached from everything and cutting myself from everyone

[DenizLikesTennis]

Wow... that's horrible... I read so many stories about depression. This confirms that depression is a widespread disease. And became so common

[ArtemisSilver]

I used to be a gangster when I was kid. But now I fight for the side of good.

[DenizLikesTennis]

Was that a serious answer? I have watched so many documentaries about gangster lives. As old school rap is my passion