Haunted by my Promiscuous Past

[anonanon]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, after months of friendship. Right up until we started going out, I was very sexually active. He knows about ALL of my past exploits and feels that they cheapen what we have now. I can tell he likes me less because of it, as he's always been the opposite.

I wish I could undo the past. I know it hurts him to think of all the people who had me first, but I don't know what I can do to make him feel better about it. He keeps bringing it up, saying that he can't get over it until he understands why I did it, but I don't know and can't explain. I think I've changed loads since then, but as a lot of it happened just before the relationship started, he's not convinced.

Also, because past arguments (before I met him) often turned violent, I freeze up and don't say anything when people argue at me - I just sit there quietly and wait for them to stop. This tends to be frustrating for the other person, but I don't know how to stop it. Whenever I do speak up I end up making things worse.

Please advise me!

[ArtistBboy]

As far as the promiscuous past I can't give you an answer, maybe try a search engine cause I'm drawing a blank, but in turn ;;

If he brings it up all the time, try to do things to reassure him you are his, not these other guys - and additionally that he isn't on this promiscuous "list" ^_^ -- This will help to lessen the heat you receive..

Additionally, I think your right in being quiet -- but don't freeze up... Talk quieter and he will always be like "Speak up" -- you have to still have confidence and respect to pull this off, otherwise they just yell over you (in which case you continue what you have to say until they shut up)

Its a hard bag to deal with, my ex had more than me and just yelled at me because she wants me to herself - but I told her about how I view the double standard and she can kiss my ass =/

My past is my past, hers is hers, and yours is yours.

If this guy is making you feel less human by any means, he may be in mood for a yearly "check" up -- meaning whip out the Juevos and nail this dude with an attitude adjustment

Hope it helps~

ArtistBBoy

[authentic]

"...saying that he can't get over it until he understands why I did it,"

Even if his mind understands that, it is questionable if he can accept it emotionally. You can't undo the past, but the least you can do is to explain it to him if you care enough about this relationship.

"...but I don't know and can't explain."

You may know, at a deeper level. Try asking yourself, lightly, on and off (on buses, strolling in the park ...etc.), "Why was I promiscuous ?", and the answer may suddenly pop up, as if it comes from "nowhere".

[cathy23]

How did he know all this?