In 2019 I met this guy on tinder and we went on a few dates. This was my first kiss and first guy I really dealt with, I only turned 18 a few months before I swiped right.
Essentially, he didn’t want me. But kept talking to me. Left me on read for good after we made out one night.
End of that year he got a girlfriend. Which I was so upset about and went crazy. I was saying horrible things about him to try and end the relationship. This was 2020 peak Covid times. Not an excuse, but at the same time I went into a deep depression, and had s*c*d*l thoughts. I needed therapy weekly. The ended when his gf’s friend called me out on social media for my behavior. However, I was still creeping up on his friends (public accounts only) on social media for a while on and off. I suffer from OCD, so i did it more out of habit.
I met some friends (via a friend who I met online) who live near his town and have mutuals. These friends changed my life, they are so amazing. And my biggest fear is losing them if they found out.
I’ve now matured a little more. Actually listening to my therapist and continuing to get the help I need. Even deciding to get medication and to see if I can get diagnosed for BPD. I have a full time job and finished my college degree. The couple are still together which I’m glad - I’d feel guilty if I ruined a happy relationship. I’m not attracted to that guy anymore and understand how it was not meant to be. Honestly i regret how I acted. And if I had to change to apologise - I would even though they do not owe me forgiveness.
What can I do?
