I was going through my followers on here and saw my deceased boyfriend's username. He died suddenly 8 months ago. How do I stop grieving? When?

[sage2021]

He was the person that introduced me to this website 3 years ago. I had forgotten he was following me because it was a long time ago. Instantly tears ran down my face when I saw his username.
I hope he is still my follower from heaven.
Rest In Peace Patrick 💔💕😘

[FunkyMonkee]

It might take a while! It depends on how strong your love was for him.
Back in `03, I met a girl in school and, we became best friends VERY quickly! I thought of her as the little sister I never had and she treated me like her dearly loved big brother (he actually died in a car crash when she was 11). We both loved music and got on fantastic together.
In early `05, her boyfriend (basically) took her away from me! He refused to let her talk to me anymore claiming that I fucked her when the most sexual thing I did with her was to accidentally kiss her once on top of her head! I was so enthralled with having her as my best friend, someone very much like me, someone of that sort that I'd never had before and had been looking for all my life that, when he did that to her, I cried my eyes out for almost 2 years!! I even went out searching for her because I didn't know where he lived except for the general area. I put together a couple music collections "for her" and listened to nothing else for months on end!!
After about a year and a half, I started to loosen up a tad but still missed her so incredibly much and wanted my best friend back!!
Finally, Christmas night `07, I'd had enough and decided, fuck him, I'm gonna write her an e-mail because I'm SURE this wasn't HER idea!! The next night, I got one from her saying she was so happy to hear from me and no longer cared what Mike said, she was gonna continue talking to me! And she did! She said that, right after he took her away from me, he married her and got her pregnant. She was about to have their second kid in 2 months. Not long after that, she divorced him! A few months later, she discovered that he'd been abusing the kids, even sexually, so, she had his ass tossed into jail!!
Anyway, I suppose that, had she told me to fuck off or never wrote back, I suppose it would've been a few more months before I finally got completely (at least 90%) over it. So, it MIGHT be a while for you.
It might help if you found someone else. The memories will probably never stop. It's been 23 years since I was with Anu but I still have very fond memories of what we had when we still had it. And even wish I could have it back, again! But, I KNOW that'll probably never happen, lest we come up with time travel to the past so, I'm still looking for the next great thing. But, that'll probably never happen, either. I'm pretty sure I'm doomed to a life of perpetual loneliness. But, I'm pretty much used to it. I've had it most of my life! Why change, now?

[Finchie40]

There is sadly no set time limit , everyone grieves in their own ways , don’t let anyone tell you otherwise , your feelings are your feelings. Your memories are your memories , so you don’t have to answer to anybody. Grieving is something that happens that we really have no control over , only you have that control. If you feel like crying , cry , if you feel like smiling, smile , if you feel like being angry, be angry. Again you do not have to answer to nobody. Hang in there my friend , life is definitely a journey that most of us can’t really figure out. All we can do is try and make the best of it the best that we can. I just lost my Mom and my oldest brother last year and they both passed away 3 months apart from each other , I am still grieving til this day , The only thing that helps me? , is focusing on myself and doing what I feel is best for me and believing my Mom and my brother are at peace in Heaven and up there with all my other loved ones that passed away through the years. I believe my loved ones look down at me from time to time to let me know they are still with me. I also believe I will eventually be with them again someday

[sage2021]

@Finchie40
Thank you for your gifted words you sent to me. You are so right in everything you said, and I will read your words again and again because you really helped me get some perspective. I need that.
I'm so sorry about your Mom and brother Finchie. But because you have walked in my shoes is the reason you knew what words I needed to hear. Thank you so much my friend.

[Finchie40]

Thank you @sage2021 and I am happy to hear that my words helped you ,, it’s how I manage to move forward best way I can, so Hearing you say that, made me smile as well😋

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a little different circumstance but when I lost my father it took a while to get past the constant grief and feeling like we had things we never got to say to one another. I still miss him and we have a display up in our house memoralizing him. When I see it now it bring back good memories instead of the memories of his death.

I think finding a way to make seeing something that reminds you of him into a positive thing of good memories will help with the grief. More of a bittersweet moment if you will. Whether that means more time needs to pass, or you seek counseling to deal with the grief, or just finding ways to turn those moments into a positive ones.

I hope you find a way to move on and again, my condolences for your loss.

[sage2021]

@Ez-Bri-Z_v2
Thank you for sharing your story about your father with me. Only someone who has grieved or is grieving over the loss of their loved ones can say just the right things to say to someone else who is grieving.
I have a memory box with all of his greeting cards and letters that I read now and then. When I read them, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was really love in a very special way by a special man.

I am reframing his pictures with new frames for my new apartment I just moved into. They will look real nice, and I will feel like he is with me.
Thank you again for being so sweet with your reply to me.

(I hope it's ok to say sweet?)

[PBandJ_Nerd]

It takes time. Grieve for however long it will take you. I mean, the only thing I'd be concerned about is if your heart keeps breaking, and yes, I mean that in a physical sense, not just emotional. But other than that, you'll be fine. It'll just hurt a lot.

[Lliam]

Man. I'm so sorry, Sage.
I can relate to the pain.
I've talked about that woman I met when I was 36. We wound up living together for almost 2 years. She is the first girlfriend I ever loved with my heart and soul. We weren't destined to be life-long partners, though, and separated. But we still loved each other.
Long story short, she found my on Facebook about 15 years after we last saw each other. We even spoke on the phone a few times. By that time, I had already been married for 13 years or so.
She was so bright. I loved being in touch, reading her FB posts, and knowing that she was happy.
About 5 years later, I read that she had died from a sudden medical problem at age 55.
I was devastated. I will always love her and will never forget her.
I visit her FB page on occasion as if visiting a grave. It's a way of talking to her and keeping her memory fresh in my mind.

[sage2021]

@Lliam
He was here one day, then the next day he was gone forever. He died suddenly and when I heard he died my hair started falling out in clumps from the shock. It's ok now, but just recently I stopped finding clumps of hair everyday. It's not about my hair, I could care less, it's that the shock really took me back.
There are days when I absolutely deny he is gone forever and that he died. Then today seeing his username in my followers made me face reality again.

I cannot tell you how much I miss him 💔.
I laid in bed most of today remembering all the little things we used to do. We enjoyed the little things in life together.

Things like neither one of us could go to sleep unless we were touching each other, even if it was just our fingers touching. We had to bed touching. If he had his arms around me before we would go to sleep, we said "You're wrapped around with my love".
I've never had a guy say things like that to me. It meant so much.
I could go on and on about the little things that made us happy.
I just cannot believe he is gone forever!!!

The phone not ringing is deafening! 😘 He used to blow me kisses on the phone before we would hang up the phone and he NEVER hung up without saying I love you.
Those are the things I was remembering today. I don't want to forget those things or I'll have nothing.
Well, thank you for sharing your love story with me.
He didn't have a Facebook page but he is on Quora. com with him writing about his passion in life - Astronomy 🙂 So I go on there and read about astronomy which I know nothing about. He didn't go to college because he had ADHD so he was a rogue scholar but he was so smart that Quora let him write about Astronomy for years. He also could do what I call math like Einstein 🙂

There's a lot to miss. I guess that's what hurts. But when you fall in love with someone that is part of it - losing them one day. He always said we had to die at the same time because he couldn't live without me.
Thank you again 🙂

[Lliam]

Thanks for sharing that, Sage. It makes my heart break.

I didn't have that level of connection with that wonderful girlfriend, even though I loved her with all my heart and still do. I was just relaying how grateful I am to be able to hold onto her memory through Facebook. It brings me some comfort.

My wife and I have a similar connection as you described with your boyfriend. I can't even imagine losing her.

[Bklynbadboy12]

The only thing that will help with that is time

[Bklynbadboy12]

It's still new give it some time. You are gonna be OK. You're more resilient than you think you'll bounce back