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I hate being in big communities. It makes me feel left out. And makes me feel sad because i can’t keep up. This is why i don’t interact with K-pop communities despite me loving K-Pop or that specific group…. because they’re too big and i can’t keep up with them. And I have no money to keep up
14 d
Why is it so easy to feel/be left out?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
They seem from a distance to be oddly judgmental for how ehhh socially unconscious they dress.
I do bad with big crowds too. What I do is I break it down to smaller groups and look for one person. I can relate to and be friends with. Then I get to know their friends and before you know it you're... The problems not solved but I swear it's a lot better than where you started 😂
That’s just as difficult because one person in a group is friends with everyone else and it makes me feel like an intruder. And i will never be actually apart of their group
Well, yea that's sort of part of it. Because there's a good chance you are. But there's a couple things to keep in mind. What you start out as isn't what you necessarily end as and there's many thousands of people who know how terrible it is to be lonely and will go out of their way to help.
You'll feel like a burden because you kinda are but you know what else is a burden? Feeding your dog or carrying in groceries or just tolerating a. Part of someone you're not crazy about.
To live is to be a burdon to others. That's the give and take of making and having friends. Or any kind of relationship.
Take my friend teddy. Sure he's really stupid and makes me jam me him and by brother in a 2 door pickup truck every single day to go to work... But you know what I fucking love that guy 😂 he's halirious and we've saved eachothers jobs many times, that guy has always had my back and we help eachother grow. We went to the city and got chains together. He couldn't stand it. I made him follow me around the city for 6 hours and he couldn't leave because he has no idea how public transport works 😂 he ended up getting a bracelet and I had to talk him out of dropping a shit load of cash on a ring that I have to admit, him being Italian, it would have been worth it.
You know how I met him? I was working for the world cup, I stole a golf kart and really needed to look like I was busy so I could keep it and it was his first day so I scooped him up and showed him how to succeed.
Imagine if he never asked me to hang out later? Or even made the decision to just let himself be a little free and hang out with this crazy dude.
Probably neither of us would be doing as well. When it comes to what you have to offer you do what you can and go from there. Just have fun with it.
You sound like a criminal Ngl. Troublemaker. How old even are you?
Tbh, I’d rather people approach me than I have to approach them cuz if i do i just end up wasting my time and energy because it’s one-sided. If the other person does it, then i know they want to have a relationship with me
Why do you feel like you're wasting?
Because I’m technically wasting my energy, my time approaching first because i’m an introvert and no social skills. I’m using all my energy trying to become friends with someone who probably ain’t interested and i get sad. If someone else does it first, i already know they’re interested and cares
I see... But doesn't not building up your social skills cause you a more permanent drain than the temporary one of a failed attempt?
An anology comes to mind: is a painter wasting their energy thir first 100 works that they needed to make before they got good? Or what about all the embarrassing and God awful music post Malone made before he got famous. I mean if you see what he was doing before he figured it all out... He was a joke. Like almost on the level of the island boys.
I can relate to how your words but I'm not totally sure I understand what you're feeling
I have autism.
Wdym permanent drain? Talking to people who are shit and don’t care is worse than not doing anything
I'll put this the most straightforward way I can.
Let's say you go to a bar and you see an opportunity to strike up a conversation. So you walk up to that person, for one reason or the other the interaction is a waste of time.
Maybe they made you feel bad, maybe they were an idiot or you didn't like them... Whatever. You've suffered a loss. At the very least, a waste of energy.
But you also have new information. You can analyze the conversation. When did the energy of the conversation chage? Was it something you said or they said. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe you did something rude without realizing or maybe they were being a pick. You can improve.
Now let's say you never talk to that person. You will still spend some energy thinking about them, that's just how attention works. The. You'll go home feeling unfulfilled because you didn't socialize (your identity was never aknowledged) your sense of self takes a hit. Even if it's unnoticeably small, it still happened. That's just human nature.
So eventually maybe you decide it's best to stay home. After all, you can find communities tailored to any perspective of live imaginable. You can go on fourms or video games which allow you to escape reality. Your energy is saved so far as you can tell but there's a toll.
All the emotions you experience are manufactured., your interactions are digital in a certain way. Which is to say they're quantized. You miss out on a lot.
Waiting for a friend who's running late gets replaced by a download on a server that's unusually slow.
Getting to know someone you've never met is replaced by getting used to a game you've watched hours of play through, trailers and reviews on already.
Learning a new skill and competing with peers who know you well is replaced by... You comparing yourself to a bar you set personally with no tangible reference.
And all these experiences are happening by yourself in Isolation. Made by people who care about you less Than the strangers you think are shit. Everything you do on a phone is a drug. And it's more addictive than cocaine. it affects your mind as strongly as psychedelics.
You end up living less happy because you've run from pain so religiously and effectively that you're desensitized to dopamine. Not just because your brain is saturated in it, but because your whole life is fake. Because there are no stakes.
And that's why no matter what you do to try to avoid the pain of rejection and failure, you'll ultimately find yourself looking for a better way on some random website. Because deep down your subconscious understands all of this. It's just that the identity which was built to avoid the pain cannot survive accepting these truths fully.
So you have to be willing to first accept the situation you're in, and make incrimate, intentional changes.
You think people talk to every single person they see? No because that’s impossible.
You sound weird asf
Not every single person. But it's not abnormal at all to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Especially at a place where it's meant to happen like a social gathering.
You have to pick someone you find interesting. Say something they'll respond well to if you are compatible as friends.
I love meeting people who are pursuing something they're passionate about. So I like to ask what they do and try to find out what draws them to it.
Some people do the same with sports, hobbies etc.
Sometimes people will kinda look at you like you're weird for sure. But sometimes you make someone's face light up and it feels good.
Just be curious and not selfish.
If you don't have money, you will never be included in a community where it takes money to keep up. Watch the episode of Gilmore Girls where Marty goes to lunch with Logan and Rory and all their rich friends. That's exactly how that world works.
Ok? What are you supposed to do
It's almost impossible to stand out in huge groups, especially online.