Do you think this is rape?

[Anonymous]

I was a little drunk and high on weed for my second time. I was reeeally high with some guy friends. I didnt know all of them. This guy said he wanted to show me around his house. When we reached his room he started making out with me. I told him then that I don't wanna have sex, only making out etc. he began touching me, and he wanted me to give head. I said I don't Because I don't know him. He made me give a blowjob and he came on my face. Later he kept begging me for having sex even if I said no. He didn't let me sleep until I said "sure, tomorrow. Now let me sleep". When I woke up he was all ready with condom on and started having sex.

I felt gross after that. I didn't wan to have sex, but I'm bad at being really angry at a guy and screaming no etc. and afterall I promised him to have sex in the morning, even if I was high while I said that.

I try tonit think too much about it. I've been nice to him after this happen, even if I kinda hate him.

And sorry for writing weirly, I'm really tired. :(

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+1 y

I didn't protest in the morning. I was kinda quiet. I pretended afterward that I liked it altho I hated it. I was scared he wasn't going to drive me home. (sounds crazy huh?) but what are you supposed to do when your 16, travel alone in usa and don't know where you are.

Updates

+1 y

And also; the guy that did this was all sober.

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+1 y

Please don't be rude. I just don't know if it was that serious you guys are saying it is. If I knew it was I would have talked to somebody else.


So, how do you delete questions?

[ElijahCynicism]

It hinges on something in particular. See... You said you were smiling and laughing while saying no. Saying no isn't enough to qualify rape, despite what the sophists would have you believe. No is an intricate part of foreplay. No almost always means yes, to any gentle man. If you make no attempt to stop someone, and gigglingly and feebly say no, because you're nervous or because you feel pressured, if he's not OBSERVANT and if he prides himself in being DOMINANT, a lethal combination that afflicts so many boys, he might not interpret this as an actual no, and he might not pick up on your unwillingness.

It is rape because you were not willing; but it might not be rape with intent.

You say he made you give him a blow job. How? I made my mother catch a spider earlier, by saying 'C'mon, pleaaaase. I can't go to the toilet while it's there!'. That's not coercion. However, if he demanded, coerced or threatened you, then he was well aware that you were unsure, and this becomes vulgar and knowledgable rape.

If he just asked a lot and you agreed, then it was probably an unfortunate misinterpretation on his part. If I were you, I'd just explain to him that you weren't actually willing to do either, despite sort-of giving consent, and that you feel really bad and icky. If this is the situation, he will feel absolutely horrible and will try to make amends.

If the latter, however, get the f*** away from this guy. As crookthings says, don't be nice, don't even be polite. Be abrasive and unnecessary, because he has committed terrible things against your body.

The line is drawn solely on this. I really hope he didn't mean to, because it's much easier to forgive and put behind you than to get into terrible violation and anguish. But, either way, it isn't your fault. He is unenlightened and hears what he wants to hear, and you were relying on so much, you were a stranger in a strange place and you were out of your head. At best, genuine and damaging mistake, and you will recover. At worst, you fell victim to a horrible lecher, and you will recover.

Try and adopt a moderate attitude about it all... The two extremes are 'I didn't do enough so it's my fault' and 'My sacred body has been despoiled by evil'. Try and think, 'Things went badly by circumstance/by the hands of a loser, and f*** that.' And learn from it.

Wether he knows it or not though, it's unpleasant. You didn't wrong anybody, and in the end, it should be alright. Hopefully you haven't been totally traumatised by it, just sickened and violated.

[ElijahCynicism]

You can't delete questions. The best you can do is make it anon - and it's already anon, so... Unfortunately rape questions generate the most attention, and all the people with compassion answer within the first day. After that, there's a gradual and steady stream of hateful answers for like 6 months, mostly of the 'It's girls like you...' variety. LOL. I'm sorry. Just, uh.. Don't read any more answers, I'd say.

[Mrsupaakeru]

OK. I'm really sorry you asked this here and not from a lawyer or a mature adult. I'm going to lay down how this works legally. ANYTIME YOU ARE MENTALLY INCAPACITATED WHICH MEANS DRUGS, ALCOHOL YOU ARE NOT IN THE CORRECT STATE LEGALLY TO AGREE TO SEX. THIS MEANS THAT ANYTIME YOU HAVE SEX UNDER THESE INFLUENCES YOU HAVE BEEN RAPED. THIS COUNTS FOR BOTH GENDERS.

Furthermore because you didn't want to have sex with him in the morning and he raped you the night before you were raped that morning too. If you say no and he continues anyway that's rape.

I might also let you know that despite what many people think what happened to you is the most common type of rape there is. So ladies if this happened to you yes it is rape and yes you should talk to someone about it. Someone more mature and trustworthy than the people on here, preferably a social worker or someone who deals with rape victims.

Also boys you can be charged for rape if the girl you're with is under the influence of alcohol, so be careful.

[jordiiieee]

these answers are so mean! I'm 17 and here's what I think. it wasn't rape because you didn't say no but it was soemthing you regret. an di know exactly what it's like being begged for sex when your really tired and he just won't stop asking so you either give in or say something to stop him from begging. its happend to me a couple times. and I know exactly how you feel about the driving home thing. when I was 16 I snuck out to meet with some guy friends and I had sex with one of them and then the other guy kept begging and I didn't want him to kick me out (his parents owned the house) so I just lyed there and did it. I wa stoo tired to say no and argue and be scared of getting kicked out so I just did it. but that wasn't rape. I think that's what happend to you aswell. and I also don't think you should be nice to him. just ignore him and act like nothing ever happend when you see him :) hope this helped xx

[Asker]

thanks. I feel like its something between all these answers. don't wanna think too much about anymore tho :)

[Rissyanne]

I had something similar happen to me. It was my husband at the time. He tried to force himself on me when I had taken an over the counter medication for menstrual cramps. I was so groggy it was hard for me to fight back. He held me down. It wasn't till I started crying till he stopped. This has bothered me a lot. Just because you promised to have sex with him, doesn't me you have to go through with it. You don't owe him anything. Always stand your ground, never just give in. I did that for years. You might need some professional counseling.

[crookthings]

"I told him that I don't wanna have sex"

"I said don't"

"I said no"

"he made me give him a blowjob"

That's rape.

Not to imply that any of this is your responsibility at all, but I'm BEGGING you, as a fellow female, don't keep being nice to him. Call him out for this. You don't just do things the other person clearly doesn't want to do. It takes a f***ed-up person to be totally fine with forcing someone.

[Asker]

Thing is when I said no I kept smiling and laughing. That was probably because I was high tho.. But it might have given me the wrong impression. I just don't mnow if it was his fault or mine.. I don't think he understood what he was doing..

[crookthings]

See I don't know why someone would keep going if they hear a "no" or a "stop," regardless of facial expression. This is why it's highly encouraged that people shouldn't hook up with someone who's drunk... consent gets blurry. Yet that's one of the reasons douchebags love drunk/high girls...

But no, it's NOT your fault at all.

[Asker]

Thanks girl <3:)

[crookthings]

No problem... Whatever happens, I hope you end up feeling better.

[Red_Arrow]

16, drunk, high on weed, traveling alone, don't know where you are. said no while smiling and giggling, being nice to a guy that raped you. These are all signs that you are so in over your head. You are not mature enough to handle even a part of this. When you play at being a "big girl" without "big girl" smarts you get hurt.

There are legal questions that are handled differently in different states, and time and your actions after are against you. Call a rape crisis hotline and get their input. And stop getting yourself into these positions.

[ElijahCynicism]

Victim blaming

[Red_Arrow]

First paragraph was pointing out that her actions and thought are the kind that place her in harm's way. The guy raped her. It was his bad. But she needs to recognize that others will take advantage of her if she continues this way. Second paragraph points out legal problems and guides her to much more qualified help. And your comment accuses honest analysis and guidance of being 'victim blaming'. You, sir, are an idiot.

[ElijahCynicism]

"When you play at being a "big girl" without "big girl" smarts you get hurt." = "Your actions were the direct cause of your rape" = "It is your fault"

Victim blaming.

[ElijahCynicism]

Anyway it's the most bullsh*t I've heard in my life. Not being able to handle a rape situation is by no means a measurement for immaturity, and preventing rape isn't necessary for travelling alone. To become inebriated isn't in and of itself dangerous and it's common for everyone - none of this equates to any kind of immaturity and it has no bearing on not being able to stick up for herself when being coerced into sex.

[Red_Arrow]

You say on your profile, "I'm no good! I'm no good! Can't anybody see I don't know what I'm doing!" Oh, I can see it. You also don't know what you are talking about.

If I were going to get drunk, high, and probably otherwise incapacitated, I would make it a point to not place myself in an unknown location I could not trust, and walk into a dark alley with no protection. Basically what she did. Dumb. Spread your fertilizer elsewhere,

[ElijahCynicism]

Ad hominem and argumentum ad nauseum.

[wpmason]

Of course it's rape.

Most rapes aren't violent or done by some thug hiding in a parking garage. The vast majority happen just like this.

It's rape, you need to report it, even though you probably won't be able to get a conviction because you waited too long.

[adviceneeder2]

Yep gets the guy's name and contact the po po. For future reference down get messed up with people you know if you are going to get messed up. For example I ALWAYS have a friend at side watching my back. It's also important to talk to the person not just assume they have your back and is watching you. I actually stopped a guy taking advantage of a girl one time because of this buddy system.

[Anonymous]

How did he "make you" give him a blow job? You could have easily refused and not done it. Sure you said no to that and the sex, but it doesn't sound like you did much to stop it - you even pretended you liked it? That's a little messed up.

That being said, what he did WAS wrong, and I'm sorry. It is rape.

[Red_Arrow]

Right on. But she and apparently another dim bulb will give you the down arrow. Problems in the gene pool.

[Opinion Owner]

Rape is called too often when people are high or drunk and do things they otherwise wouldn't do because of their inhibitions. Clearly if she remembers everything that happened, she was aware enough to control her own actions. Rape gets called too many times when people regret things they do. Like I said, I'm not saying what he did wasn't wrong, it most definitely was...but if she may have put up more of a fight and not played along and pretended all was well, he would have probably backed off.

[ElijahCynicism]

You don't understand power balances.

[Asker]

Just because I remember everything that happened(kind of blurry tho) doesn't mean I was able to take actions I would when if I was sober. I told him from the beginning that I don't want to do sexual stuff. But it is hard saying no with actions if you were intoxicated like I was.

[Opinion Owner]

Why did you give him a blow job? Why did you pretend you liked the sex?

[ElijahCynicism]

Did you even read what I said? The balance of power was in his favour. It's the same as when a father tells his daughter to give him a blow job, even if he doesn't coerce her or threaten her or force her, he has such power over her she wouldn't be able to refuse. Albeit the power imbalance was less severe here, he had a certain amount of influence over her due to her intoxication and reliance on him in that area, and (knowingly or not) he exerted it.

[Anonymous]

Uuuugh I'm so sorry that this happened to you, but yes, forced oral sex is rape. Did you protest in the morning when he had actual sex with you, too? because that would be another rape... and even if you didn't say no in the morning, it sickens me that someone would even want to have sex with someone who isn't giving them an enthusiastic yes. He's a f***ing d***.

[Asker]

I didn't protest in the morning. I was just kinda quiet tho..

[Opinion Owner]

That one probably wouldn't be considered rape, but he still strikes me as the kind of guy who doesn't actually care whether you want to or not, considering that he didn't make sure either time. Bluh it gives me the creeps. I know guys at college who are like this.

[Anonymous]

IMO yes that was rape, any form of negativity and the guy should of left it at that, not force a BJ, it doesn't matter if you said you will tomorrow you've changed your mind and the guy should of picked up on that you didn't seem interested. I don't progress things unless she is 100% up for it.

[Anonymous]

Oh my gosh I cannot believe he did this to you what an d***! If you did object again in the morning he still tried it then he raped you. Don't let him get away with this

[lv4lv]

Only one question; How did he make you give him a blowjob?

[Asker]

He sat on my chest and was begging me too and came closer until I finally did it.

[lv4lv]

So he didn't *make* you.

But yes. You were intoxicated. It can count as rape.

[Anonymous]

ya it's a fully rape..& you should keep away that guy.

[Anonymous]

If you don't give full consent, it's rape.

[PANDAmonium]

That's called rape