How to respond when a girl flakes on you twice?

[Anonymous]

So ,Yesterday was my b'day and I asked this girl out for a dinner a day before yesterday and she told me "how about I'll inform you tomorrow on your b'day?" and yesterday she told me "I'm really sorry,I can't able to come with you" on whatsapp but I didn't reply her till two hours then she texted me "hey helloooo :$ " and called me but I didn't pick up instead I replied "yeah it's okay,I already have other plans and going out with somebody else" and then she replied "okiez enjoy :)"

she flaked on me one more time a week ago and yesterday again :(

I really wanted to go out with her in fact I told her before not to make any plans for yesterday,though she told me "no" on my b'day.so should I ignore her from now on ? please help guys ..

[goldgunsgirls]

Yeah dude she's clearly not that into you. Or if she is but is just playing some serious mind games, then 1) she doesn't care about you or respect you in the slightest, and 2) if things actually do happen, I can tell you from now that there will be a LOT of bumps down the road. Move on.

I saw in your comments on some answers that she bought you a nice b-day present. She likes you as a friend clearly. But she isn't really into you, from the looks of it, otherwise she would want to be with you on your birthday. Asking someone to hang out with you alone on your birthday is a serious thing - it means they're who you want to spend this special day with the most. She knows that - she's not dumb, I'm assuming. So she knows either you REALLLLLLLY like her as a friend, or you're into her. So, she also knows she could be with you if she wanted. But clearly she doesn't want to, otherwise she would've made more of an effort to go out with you.

I was "involved" with a situation similar to this a couple months ago too. She flaked on me a few times and I got tired of it and realized she wasn't really into me /that/ much and was just looking for a side thing / a fling - otherwise she'd have actually made an effort to go out with me more times. I just stopped worrying about going out with her and moved on. You should do the same. You can still be friends with this girl (likewise, I still talk to this girl once in a while and try to keep the conversations friends-only) but move on and don't be hung up on going out with her. She's definitely not hung up on going out with you.

[Phoenix52]

"how about I'll inform you tomorrow on your b'day?"

--> I don't know how you replied to this, but this is a red flag. Not taking you seriously enough and that text says "I really don't know if your birthday is important enough for me. I have options and there might be something better to do than to see you".

I've tried hanging out with girls before and had this sort of line dropped to me, and my best response to that was no response at all. I already knew that they weren't into seeing me enough.

If I were in your situation, I would put her on the backburner for now and approach new girls for the time being. Wait for her to text you up sometime, suggesting you two hang out. Then you can take it from there and initiate a date, such as grabbing a drink or watching a movie at your place or hers.

But ... if she flakes one more time, you have 2 options:

1. call her out on it and talk calmly that it's bothering you

2. see the flake coming, and flake on her before she has the chance. Not a good idea, but sometimes it works.

At least she bought you something. Better than you buying her a gift at first.

[Tamikaze]

Not sure what this girl's deal is but I can certainly tell you that she is being disrespectful and she sees you are willing to put up with it and still come back for more. I would either just stop calling her or I would find a way to see her in person (without asking for another date she will flake on) and tell her that you don't get why she is doing this.

[pixiestix123]

just tell her how you feel and go from there. if she acts like she doesn't care then move on but after you tell her how you feel try to hang out one more time and if she flakes again move on.

[Asker]

Yeah maybe I can.. but she'll make any of lame excuses and I'll be come out as a loser yelling on her :(

[pixiestix123]

then just move on and don't talk to her anymore. not even to say that this isn't going to work out.

[mm53912011]

Her intentions about you and "flaking" you are already obvious; therefore, don't bother wasting your time telling her how you feel about her because by now she has to know that you DO like her. I agree with others' answerers, move on and be happy...

[may04]

If she's not willing to make time for you then there's no reason to keep trying to accommodate her. Move on to other ladies :)

Sorry if your birthday was a bust :(

[Asker]

yeah I'm still feeling awkward :(

2-3 girls already asked me out on yesterday,but I asked her out because I like her and she said "no" on text instead of calling me :(

[may04]

Well you got your answer then- move on to the girls that do desire you :D

[Asker]

well actually that came first into my mind but she took me to the mall the day just before my birthday to buy me a gift and yeah she bought me an expensive one and wished me happy b'day at midnight .so don't know whether she's interested in me or stringing me alone :(

[may04]

Hmmm if there's money involved (especially a lot of it), then there might be some hope yet. HOWEVER, if planning/time management happens to be her big flaw, you need to decide wether or not that's a deal breaker

[Asker]

ok, thanks for your advise though ^_^

[islands7]

You take what you can get ... easily.

If she just wants to hit or miss in meeting you, then that's all it will be until she gets to know you enough to develop a stronger interest.

You want it to work more than her, but efforts need to be re-directed down a path of waiting & patience. She is nibbling at your bait, a good thing. You don't jerk the line and hook a fish that is only nibbling.

[Asker]

I'm also thinking the same thing that I rushed things very early.. so what should I do next?

[islands7]

Always be available to/for the things & people you enjoy most, as work/school allows.

If it was meant to be, then these people/things will gravitate toward you and your dreams come true.

If it was not meant to be, no gravity but if you force these issues ... you will temporarily live in a fool's paradise until they finally break free and really do more damage than just initial disappointments

[Asker]

Ok got it. means SCARCITY attracts people in other words right?

[goldgunsgirls]

Lol I love that analogy. "You don't jerk the line and hook a fish that is only nibbling."

[Anonymous]

First, did she ever even wish you a happy birthday, or did she just get wrapped up in the fact that you didn't answer her? She probably doesn't care about more than stringing you along.

Next, it seems that your approach is to demand a girl's attention (you "told" her not to make plans rather than "asking" her not to make plans). Girls feel that up front and counter it with their own attitude -- hers was to tell you that she'd "inform you ON your birthday."

NEXT, it's just rude to make same-day plans and not answer either way. It keeps people hanging and is generally unacceptable.

Finally, telling her specifically that you were out with some other girl doesn't usually make a girl respond the way you think she will. She might have hurt feelings, but she's not deeply invested here, so she's able to move on. Meanwhile you're here wondering why she "flaked out" -- which she didn't. She's just not that into you that she'd sacrifice other plans to be with you even on your birthday.

[Asker]

first of all, she took me to the mall the day just before my birthday to buy me a gift (and yeah she bought me an expensive one) and wished me happy b'day at midnight .

I told her before playfully that please don't make plans for that day (not in a rude way you're assuming) and I answered her text also unlike ignoring her completely

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't assume, just reading what you posted, dude. If you had posted NICE things about her getting a gift, the rest of the story would have sounded a little different, don't you think so?

Answering after a few hours is the same as ignoring her -- which is why she nudged you, as most people would.

Maybe take five and rethink the perspective on who is flaking out...

[Anonymous]

She flaked on you twice?

Walk away. Either she doesn't like you enough to actually make it, or she's a nut. Either way, trouble for you. With girls, best policy to avoid a horrible wound is: one strike, and you're out.

[Doug8796]

Yeah.. pretty dumb. Flakes and douches should get their own island somewhere.

[Anonymous]

Move on... sorry man, you probably won't listen, but just move on. If she cares enough she'll find a way back into your life. Odds are she doesn't though. Been there, done that.

[shiv1990]

well you should just move on buddy. And if she calls you back then do not pick up.

[mm53912011]

i would say pick up and be polite but unavailable (for now) if she asks to do something together, ...

[prophecy]

what, are you deaf and blind? she's not interested in you. so grab your balls out of her bag and go away - silently with some dignity.

[Asker]

lol...she took me to the mall the day just before my birthday to buy me a gift (and yeah she bought me an expensive one) so I'm hesitating to just break off the contact :(

[prophecy]

first of all I wouldn't even be in a situation like this but if I would somehow be accidentally teleported into a mess like yours I would do this:

i would step up to her and say "listen, here's the situation; I asked you out because I'm obviously interested in you and I clearly get that you're not, and I don't really want to hang around you pretending I'm your friend. also, I don't feel comfortable keeping your expensive gift," give her back that gift and go.

[goldgunsgirls]

Or they could just stay friends... if the QA is fine with that...

[Little-Hippie]

How to respond?

Well, you don't.

[Shameneyes]

Yeah, just ignore her.

[workingmom]

I'd just move on