When Girl Blows You Off

[Anonymous]

I am in a situation where I've been seeing a girl on and off for awhile now, and it's gotten to the point where we seem to get in stupid fights every other time we hang out. She's extremely emotional (she's a borderline) and I tend to be sensitive at times (which is stupid I know) and a BPD + a sensitive guy = big blow ups.

Anywho, we always end up back with each other some how and I'm simply on the mission of making drastic changes to the way I am - no more being sensitive, talking about feelings, trying to get in a relationship, etc. she never likes to talk about those things which would drive me nuts sometimes because we get so close.

Anyways, she tends to meet new guy friends from time to time and she always seems to put me on the back burner when she does, making me feel like a back up plan to her if/when her new guy friend gets boring or whatever.

This happened again and I've simply decided that I'm not going to call/text her at all until she reaches out to me.

I don't mean to be immature or whatever, but wouldn't you think that perhaps I need to start making her work for me instead of me being there for her when she comes back? What else can I do so she knows that she's gotta feel lucky to have me back? I'm tired of this push/pull dynamic that is the BPD relationship...

[Star2127]

you know she sounds like a girl who isn't in a serious relationship. if she blows you off for another guy, I hate to say it but you aren't her main man. seeing each other "off and on" means that its not serious. which is why she doesn't want to sit down and talk about feelings and relationships... its because you're not in a serious relationship with her. you may think so but she doesn't think so. you need to straight up ask her if she's your girlfriend or not. if she says she doesn't know then that's a no. if she says yes then you need to tell her how you feel about her going off with these other guys. that if that's the way she's going to be then its not a real relationship. when you are with someone you do not blow them off for someone of the same gender. you just don't do it. yes, do not call or text her. you let her come to you. don't wait around for her though. you should go out and have fun and talk to other women... not sexually but just casual every day conversations. don't go get with someone else but don't put your life on hold for someone who might not even be serious bout you. give her a week. if she hasn't called or text you about anything serious within a 5 day space then its not a serious relationship. at yalls age you learn to be serious with someone and that blowing the person you are supposed to be in a relationship with off for someone else is childish. she doesn't sound serious to me and she's not very dedicated to the relationship.

[Asker]

Wow, really good answer. Yes, she is childish. Extremely (she's a borderline and they're literally 3 year olds at the emotional level). It's annoying how I know what to do correctly, but then in the moment I always screw things up. She's definitely not my girlfriend. Every time she proposes to be my girlfriend, she breaks it off the next day or two days later. I'm an idiot for always taking her back! I really need to step back, meet new women, have options, and make her work for me.

[Star2127]

well if she's not working for you now she's never going to. don't waste your time on someone who doesn't care. add me as a friend please. we can talk more about this privately

[lilliputian24]

I'm curious. What does she do like a 3 year old? Give me an example

[Asker]

Tantrums, raging, kicking, throwing, etc. never seen anything like it before. Look up borderline personality disorder, it's pretty intense lol. And yea, if she doesn't work for me to get me back, then it's over and that's fine. I'll move on. I just needed validation that the right thing to do is to not reach out to her. Seems like a good plan! I'll add ya.

[lilliputian24]

She kicks and throw things?! Why?

[Asker]

Like I said, read up on borderline - they literally have the emotional capacity of a 3 year old. As in, if things get heated, argument starts, etc. if things boil over, they become children. Annoying yes and best to just walk away, but not THAT serious if you know how to handle that situation.

[Star2127]

well dating someone with the mind capacity of a 3 year old isn't cool. they will never match up to your level and all you're going to do is feel like a baby sitter the whole time.

[Stacyzee]

Why not just walk away completely? I know its easier said than done. All it really seems to me that you're going to get out of this is more headaches and more drama.

You shouldn't have to fight for someone to want you...

or prove to someone that they SHOULD want you,

they should feel that way automatically without hestiation or debation.

Move on.

You seem like a great guy who deserves better.

If this seems like its going to be a pattern then by all means end it now.

Some people are better off as friends or nothing else.

[Asker]

It's because I'm stupid and I've been focusing just on her and not meeting other women. Because of my stupidity over the past few months, I have very limited options. I'm changing that starting today - no more taking her back right away. I'm going to meet new women. Get more options. Not going to text/call her at all and make her put in effort to see me or it's over.

[Anonymous]

I think you should have a heart to heart with her. Write her a letter. Send her a text. Do something to let her know that this is how you feel. It sounds like you two are having serious communication issues and when you pull away from her you are only reinforcing her behavior when she does the same. Obviously you care about her and you will come to regret it if you don't clear the air. If she doesn't care enough to listen to you and respond then at least you will know that you tried. Good luck.

[Asker]

I appreciate the response but trust me, that wouldn't work in this situation :)