How would you feel if you found out your boyfriend/girlfriend "settled" for you?

Has it been done to you?

Have you done it to someone?

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2015

Most Helpful Girl

  • If they "settled" in one regard but "won" (for lack of a better word) on other characteristics, there's no problem. For example, if a girl thought she was smarter than her boyfriend and so settled in that regard, but she was also really impressed by how confident and charismatic he is, I think that's okay (and to some extent normal - to a large extent, I think we admire in our significant others the traits we don't see in ourselves). As long as one is still attracted to and impressed by the other, I don't think that's really settling.

    On the other hand, if a person thinks (not thought, at one moment that one day when he/she was feeling weird, but thinks) that they settled for the other person, that is not okay. I would be hurt, I think, but I think it's better to be with someone who really genuinely likes you, even if that takes longer to find. I would want to have a talk with my boyfriend about why he thought that, how long he has thought that, and why he stays with me if he thinks he could do significantly better (since at that point, I would be thinking about leaving him).

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    • I feel it sucks to be "settled for" on any level. It is a horrible feeling...

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What Girls & Guys Said

1915
  • I'm sure I'd break up with them.

    Have I gone out or dated a girl that I regretted dating (afterward), yes. Have I completely ignored my gut instincts once or twice, but then sometimes my gut instincts are way off.

    Have I settled in some ways, just a little bit? Yes, though I did not know it at the time, and was not purposely doing so.

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  • I would absolutely hate it and I would end the relationship because I couldn't be with someone who is with me because there was nothing else around. Saying that I know there are people who think I settled. I just don't care anymore but it used to really get to me because they couldn't see how happy I was, what a fantastic man I had somehow captured, that I was the lucky one

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  • Yeah I would definitely break-up with him. Reason being, if he 'settled' for me, that means that there would be a higher chance of him cheating in the future if he ever finds someone that is (according to him) better than me. It wouldn't hurt as much as finding out that my future hubby settled for me though, because then I wouldn't be able to break up with him since I'd be already married to him :/ and it would suggest that he never truly loved me to begin with if he 'settled' for me.

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  • I"d feel horrible, if it happens to me I"d rather never find out, it will be too much of a self esteem destroyer. And I don't think I"d ''settle'' for anyone I only get into serious relationships with guys who I feel are equal to me. The whole concept of ''settling'' is a bit strange to me I don't really understand it..

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  • no it hasn't been done to me, and I haven't done it to anyone either. If I found out someone settled for me I would told them there is plenty fishes in the sea for the both of us let not waste anymore time in a deadend relationship

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  • I've heard of this theory,

    if you look at a some couples you can

    notice who is the settler and who is the reacher!

    Some its more obvious then others, others are

    very hard and some people are even. This was

    a theory even on how I meet your mother...

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  • An ideal relationship is one in which nobody feels like they're settling. I have felt like I've settled before, and I've felt like I've been settled for. Neither feeling is a very good one.

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  • I'd have too much pride to stay with that person.

    Plus it's VERY easy to think that she is still hunting the dating field for my replacement.

    pride + insecurity = I breakup with her

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  • I don't think I could stay with him, I don't think I could ever get over that knowledge, even if I really really liked him, I don't think I could stay with him if that's how he felt.

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  • If I settled for him too, then I can't really complain. But if I really loved him and found this out, I'd be crushed, and talk about it with thim, if he doesn't love me, I don't need him.

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  • I would laugh a little. Then, I'd break up with him right there. This would tell me he is immature, stupid and that I've wasted my time on him. Oddly, it's not the kind of thing to break me, because I know what I'm worth, so I would see it as a guy who never really knew me.

    I make it clear, at the beginning of any relationship, that if they someday feel I'm not enough or if they found someone, to tell me, because I don't want to waste anybody's time. They should expect the same honesty from me. Never settle!

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  • I'd feel majorly insulted, unattractive, and I would question everything they've ever told me about what they like about me.

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  • I feel like my boyfriend settled for me. He swears up and down that he didn't, but when you compare the two of us, he wins. He thinks I settled for him because, according to him, I could do *soooo* much better than him.

    So far, this set up has been working. Both of us feel like we've gotten the best we could possibly get. Or at least, that's what he tells me.

    If he told me he settled for me, I'd tell him, that if he thought he could do better, to go ahead and leave. And he'd say the same to me if I ever said I settled.

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  • I would feel like sh*t, and then break up with them.

    No it's never been done to me, and no I've never done it to anyone.

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  • I would be very offended and reconsider whole relationship. If somehow feel like the whole thing was a lie.

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  • It was like I was out of his league ( his words) but in all that time I knew I wasn't exactly what he wanted and not too close to it either.

    I didn't settle ( at least I don't think) but rather I just let things run it's course because I was excited to see where the relationship could go, ( at that time) didn't have too many standards.

    If I ever found out that I had been settled for I would appreciate whatever pain the person was maybe trying to spare but I would look at that person as if they were a dumba** for ever wasting their time and mines, and could never consider a relationship with them again.

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  • Game Over

    Time to move on...

    It only works as long as we're having fun...

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  • I've settled for about 7/10 of the girls I've been with... I'm SURE some of them settled for me too...

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    • Really why would you do that?

    • Show All
    • Well then you must know it only gets harder to meet someone as life goes on...

    • So far it hasn`t for me anyway...

  • In all honesty, If I found out my girlfriend "just settled" for me I would feel like sh*t. I don't want someone to feel like they had to be forced to be with me, or that they were lonely, or that they felt that I was just there and interested, because that would mean, you're not really in love with me. I would see it as being unfair to the both of us. To me, the best feeling in the world would actually be loving the person, and genuinely being loved back. If it's not mutual, it's not meant to be.

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  • I wouldn't feel good at all. What a way to lower self-esteem.

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  • instant deal breaker. if they can do better, so can i.

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  • i have never done it

    No body has ever done it to me either

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  • I used to do that when I was younger because it was the whole "teenage girl wanting a boyfriend" deal.

    I've had it done to me.

    I've been seeing the same guy for eight months, and every day (even though he treats me incredibly) I am paranoid he feels that way since he hasn't had a girlfriend in over a year since we got together and has always gotten his heart broken.

    I don't think I would be able to be with him if that was true because I'd be depriving him of relationships he'd truly want to be in. Also, I'd feel really dumb and worthless. Quite the blow to my self-esteem. Perhaps I could find a guy who loved me truly.

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  • thats why my cut off is 23 and the cut off for her sexual past is even more rigid

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  • I am not a Settler I am a Founder!

    Haw Haw bask in my glory

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  • I'd dump them on site.

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  • i think id have to leave them

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  • I don't recall it ever being done to me. For me to have a real relationship, I'd want their to be mutual feelings so if I found out she didn't have any real feelings for me I would simply break it off with one sentence. "Call me if you're horny."

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  • what do you mean by "settled"?

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    • You don't truly love the person but you are with them so you are not alone or they are better then nothing, etc.

    • wow id leave him lol

  • Like sh*t.

    No it hasn't been done to me. Any guy that dated me was lucky. lol. I've never dated a guy that was hotter than me on the scale.

    And yeah I have settled before. I'd rather not though.

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  • it happened to me once. On paper we were more or less equal, but she thought that she was the sh!t. It still felt bad, but I'm glad that chapter of my life is now closed.

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  • My boyfriend feels like I settled for him, and I think it actually really upsets him. He worries a lot that I've got "better options" and that maybe I'd be better off. It's not even just insecurity and he doesn't really mope about it or anything, but that kind of feeling hurts.

    If a partner told me they settled for me, I'd be devastated and I'd probably leave. There will be other people who want me. There ARE other people who want me. I recognize that sometimes we "settle" at first because things can develop, but if someone's staying with me just because they want someone to be with and they think they deserve "better?" I'm out.

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    • Did you settle ?

    • I've settled in the past, when I was emotionally insecure and just wanted to have someone, but I don't feel I settled for him. He's cute, intelligent, funny, and he respects me. He would never intentionally hurt me, and I love him. He thinks I could do "better" by certain standards. Could I date a guy who's a bit more in shape? Yes. Or with a better job? Of course. But if they're not him, those things don't matter.

    • He sounds like a lucky guy...

  • I settled, and it was horrible. Did he settle? He was never honest about it. I think he settled with every girl he was ever with... I think that was precisely the problem in our relationship. I was ready to give him everything and he gave up the moment we were married. Settled...

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  • I already know he's settling. - Not much I can do with how I feel but keep it separate and not think about it. I already he can go and find someone better.

    Have I done it? No.

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    • I'm sure he's with you for reasons.

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    • Lets not have a conversation under my answer please. I don't like receiving notifcations.

      Please and thank you.

    • Your right sorry...

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