Boyfriend doesn't do and say sweet things for me :(

[Anonymous]

so me and my boyfriend have been seeing each other for one year. he's 26 I'm 21. And we are engaged too. we say 'i love you' to one another. he's never been overly sweet. if I say I miss you then he'll say it back and if I ask him stuff like "are you happy or do you think you're lucky" he'll answer yes. occasionally he says I look pretty, etc. but that's it. he never tells me he loves spending time with me or that he loves my eyes/smile/etc. I wonder sometimes, it's because I'm not his first love. And I feel like he must have done sweet things for his first love :( he DOES treat me well. he takes me out, if there's a problem in the relationship he'll talk to me about it but verbally it seems like I mean nothing to him and its really frustrating because I'm a VERY verbal person. I like sweet talking.

I've talked too him about this before and he says that he does do sweet. But I know that he doesn't. so I'm worried that he may not even feel those sweet things towards me. Even if I do sweet stuff for him, he doesn't feel them mostly. I get so hurt :(

what do you think? please let me know.

Updates

+1 y

Yeah I wanna correct it as Fiance. Sorry about referring him as boyfriend. It's just something I like to use. Because he's my first love, and we got engaged somewhat quickly.

Updates

+1 y

Okay. Should I keep on doing and saying sweet stuff for him, even if he doesn't do? Would it be a botheration for him?

Updates

+1 y

When I send him some nice sweet lovely text message, the reply I get is just ":P"

And I immediately get goosebumps, chest pain and tears.

[MrOracle]

It sounds to me like this is a guy who simply doesn't have it in his nature to be "romantic" in the way that you want. I doubt he was any different with any other girls, because the way he is with you is just how he is. Obviously he treats you well, and if he was angry or upset or something, he wouldn't do that. He just doesn't "get" the whole idea of romance and being sweet. Maybe his parents were never that way, and so he just has no idea what it means to be that way.

The bottom line here is that it's very unlikely that he's going to change. He's not really doing anything "wrong", but you're asking him to do something that just doesn't come naturally to him. Just like girls don't understand how a guy can want them to, say, do a sexual act that the girl finds disgusting, and that she simply can't imagine herself doing, he will feel kind of similar about this: it just seems unnatural to him.

Part of being in a relationship means choosing to accept your partner for who they are, accepting both their good and their bad points (we all have both). The initial dating process is *supposed* to be where you "interview" each other and get to know the type of person they are, so that you can figure out if the two of you are compatible. The problem is that people want to skip past all that and go right into the relationship, but the problem with that is that you are already attached by the time these issues start to come up, and then it's a hundred times harder to deal with them, or to go your separate ways.

You're going to need to decide if you can live with him exactly how he is, and if the answer is "no", then you need to end your relationship with him ASAP, so the both of you can start the process of moving on.

[Asker]

I think you got it. His parents are not like that. you are right there. it may have some influence. I love him unconditionally. I won't leave him for what he is not giving me. I understand that no one is perfect. he's the best I've ever known. I'm gonna live with him no matter what. because that's how much I love him :) may be I'll just have to adapt. Thanks a lot

[TheUglyOne]

Well, it sounds like he has done a little bit. Some guys are just not as expressive about sweetness, doesn't mean they don't love or care for you.

His other actions seem to speak good, especially since you said he doesn't mistreat you. He might need to learn how to do some of the little things that lot of women love.

At this point, I don't think you need to worry about his feelings for you.

[Anonymous]

this is a nature thing. my friends have had similar problems. the guys are not the mushy romantic emotional type..most guys aren't but some are def more romantic than others IME..so my friends will think the guy doesn't care. the guy will say of course I care I am with you I do things for you I love you..but the girl is not satisfied

people do not change their nature. I guess what you can do is evaluate him and your relationship as a whole. I am sure he cares about you a lot and you just have to accept and understand him and that women are much more gushy than men

[Asker]

Yeah he is a wonderful guy for a girl to have. It's just I was expecting all sweet romantic stuff from a guy. But there's more good in him than that fault. :) I love him. just I get hurt when he's not sensitive for sweet stuff :(

[Anonymous]

Okay so if you're engaged.. he is not your boyfriend anymore, he would be your fiance. Stop asking him to reinforce your feelings.

[Asker]

I get you. thanks