Unattractive guys/girls with high standards?

[peace-love-couture]

Do you think it's acceptable or reasonable for less attractive guys and girls to have ridiculously high standards?

Is it me, or do unattractive guys and girls tend to have the highest standards and try to justify it to themselves?

Updates

+1 y

I'm talking about the ones who DO complain about their low success rate. I have no sympathy for ugly girls or guys who complain yet think they deserve FHM's hottest woman of the year. If you're David Beckham with a crappy personality, you CAN afford to be picky. If you're Steve Buscemi with a jolly personality, you still can't afford to be picky and shoot for the stars

Updates

+1 y

Obviously I've offended the ones I'm talking about. I never said only hot people should go for hot, but if you're ugly and think you deserve a model and get mad when those girls don't pay attention to you, obviously you're the problem.


I never said I was perfect or a beauty queen, but I also know I'm not ugly and that I can have standards to some degree

[BrighteyedAsh]

I know the kind you're referring to.

We're not talking about just looks...we're talking about guys who aren't attractive that think that attractive people should 'settle' for them when they're not even willing to do that same 'settling'.

If your personality really is good, it will be recognized by someone of any caliber of looks, and it's not a problem. There are attractive girls with values outside of looks that will date you if you're genuinely compatible. But the entitlement quality that comes with 'absurdly high standards' yet wanting someone to settle for you...that's a disgustingly tall order. You call the other party involved self-righteous yet you wouldn't do the same 'settling' you're requesting to occur.

Idk, I'm in some sense 'shallow', but my 'attractiveness' radar looks for different things then people would assume.

Don't make me pull out scientific facts about this. I'm fully prepared to discuss the relevancy of involved science, evolution and where looks DO actually factor in. Not out of opinion, but lengthy study, what chemicals play a part in, and how your biological tendencies sway that are recognized on a subliminal, inborn way that innately rates evolutionary survival factors.

[andre251]

Won't evolution only prove that a girl only wants a fit and handsome man? Now with the stone age gone, they also want a man with money.

[BrighteyedAsh]

As a short answer, instinctively, your unconscious mind 'calculates' likelihoods of the pairing with the traits and chemicals it's 'reading' and decides, more or less, how this 'pairing' will work out. Yes, youth and viility 'read well', symmetry represents healthy evolutionary path, even things like clarity and appearance of skin to relay health and recovery. It's basically a primitive thing. Your 'senses' want a partner that will provide positive chemical release and healthy bloodline.

[BrighteyedAsh]

But it's not all in conformably good looks, it's picking up on experience of features and temperament from past relationships. It takes your own chemical release reaction and their triggers, and looks for the same physical features that chemical would create.

And this is why...you meet people and get what you consider 'vibes'. A 'good' or bad feeling when meeting someone. You get a released reaction that essentially tells you how your primitive mind reads this person. (:

[Crimson811]

@andre251 The same goes for men. I’ve known many unattractive pursue women way out of their league.

[Tatiahna]

I don't think that how you look restricts who you should be able to hit on or who you end up getting with. I personally consider myself to be a solid 8, but most of the people that I've dated have actually been in the 3-5 range (I've actually only dated one person who was out of that range and he was a 9.5). Everybody doesn't think that looks are everything. To me a guy that can make me laugh is way sexier than a guy that pleases my eyes.

Then again I do understand where you're coming from with some guys. My best friend, for instance, wants a perfect girl (she HAS to have a butt like Kim Kardashian, have very long hair, and be at least an 8 in the face). While he's very good looking (I'd say he's a 9.6) and very charming his requirements for dating are sort of absurd, in my opinion which is why he's only dated 2 girls in the 5 years that I've known him. People like that really don't have the right to complain about not being able to get someone.

I don't mind being approached by an ugly guy though as long as he's interesting. Then again, looks aren't really something that I dwell on.

[iPood]

I see this in guys Moreso than girls. I think it's OK to WANT someone more attractive, as long as they don't expect it an get pissed when they're rejected. What I do have a problem with is ugly ass guys who want 9s. like they honeslty think a hot girl is owed to them. I don't even understand how people can get to that point of delusion

This is usually guys though. I notice girls arre generally more honest with themselves or even underrate themselves while some guys tend to overrate by a lot and then get mad when no one else can see how awesome they supposedly are

[MildlyOriginal]

link

The graphs show that us men are objective about the opposite genders looks, but we're dreamers. Where as if you look at women, they rated 80% of men below average. So women have a much more stringent/unattainable view of what even average attractive is for men.

So while men are dreamers, women simply don't find most men attractive- which I don't blame women, since I think 100% of men are unattractive. To put it in other words

[MildlyOriginal]

us guys have no idea how to grade ourselves/ know where we rate because women seem to have a logic defying grading system of who's attractive. We don't know what make's a guy really ugly (aside from obvious deformities) because women think so many men are pretty unattractive.

[peace-love-couture]

Justifying ridiculously unreasonable standards...too bad I'm not surprised

[Ruby81]

Look at all the “thumbs down” on here by guys. Such entitled assholes they are. I wish they would get over themselves. They also need to keep in mind they the women who put a lot of effort into their appearances don’t do it to attract “low end of the totem pole” guys. 😁🙃

[Robertcw]

Trust me they're born that way. Plenty of guy virgins have that mindset.

[shadypridy]

everybody wants an attractive partner, and nothing gives you or me the right to deny a person such a thing , and that doesn't bother me what bothers me is when they get offended when they get rejected or when they reject people for the same reasons they were rejected

like you're not attractive, it's cool that you want someone pretty, but give other people a chance the same way you want someone to give you a chance , and what they'll all say, is something like I never said I was perfect or a beauty queen, but I also know I'm not ugly and that I can have standards to some degree and here is the heart of the issue , you're either attractive you got lucky you have the right to be JUST picky , or you're an attractive, you can be picky , but you're like a short stack in poker you can't just be picky you have to accept that you might not get the hot partner you want, and you have to give people a chance based on other then total beauty

though all this is silly cause there are loooooooooots of other factors besides look, like fame status, previous relations, a lot of things could tip the balance

[MildlyOriginal]

As long as they don't complain when they have a very low success rate, I don't see the problem. I often definitely shoot above and beyond, but I'm okay with getting rejected and I don't think the opposite gender is some evil being for rejecting me for whatever reason, or no reason at all. But then again I also think attraction goes beyond just looks, so I might be more attractive to one person than another because whatever I'm doing/personality wise, something really gets them going.

I would go so far as to say looks are probably my worst aspect. I think I'm below average, most people usually say I'm average but I think they're just being nice. However, I have had numerous instance where women WAAAAY higher on the physical attraction scale outright ask me out because the overall level of attraction. I'm not bragging so much as saying appearance really isn't everything. Not to everyone at least.

That being said, there are ugly people with terrible personalities and have standards that are completely unrealistic. They are usually hypocrites.

[MildlyOriginal]

As for the update, anybody that thinks they deserve anything probably doesn't. But the standards you set are up to you. If you want to shoot for the stars, go for it. I don't have any sympathy for anybody when it comes to rejection, because there's nothing wrong with rejection. I don't care if the worlds best looking guy gets rejected by an ugly duckling. He has no right to complain either. Nobody has any place to be complaining about being single. Nobody is entitled to a relationship, nobody.

[TheDigitalSaint]

I think most people, especially while younger, are going to try to shoot well above themselves in look at first. That's why unattractive people are almost always single in high school. In a system like high school, looks are the greatest factor, as kids aren't trying to get married and choose life partners.

As people get older, they often don't grow out of their unrealistic standards, but are met with constant rejection for trying to get the few remaining attractive people. For instance, 2/3rds of Americans are overweight. Most men and most women aren't crazy about dating overweight people, so many choose to stay single. Also, many guys and girls don't take care of their skin, get enough sleep or do other things that would otherwise make an average or below average person look a lot better.

Everyone needs to work with what they've have, but it applies even more so for the people with less to begin with, unless they're willing to date a similar level of attractiveness, or hold out hope on playing the long odds by approaching dozens if not hundreds of people before they get a match.

[mid20sgirl86]

This is something that bothers me. I am an unattractive woman, and I know it. So I will never ever go for a hot guy. One of my friends actually tried setting me up with a really hot guy once, and I rejected him right away without even talking to him.

I always go for the men I know who are in my league. They always reject me for being ugly. One guy who used to be a good friend of mine a couple years ago rejected me harshly. He's never had a girlfriend, and I've never had a boyfriend. Most women reject him. He still lives with his parents and he just turned 31. He doesn't work. Anyway, I decided since we both had the same level of experience in relationships and our attractive levels were the same that I would ask him out.

He was extremely harsh with me. I was actually in tears by the end of it. He told me that an ugly woman like me doesn't deserve any man, and that I am a loser because of my face. He said a lot more hurtful things, but I found the loser part because of my face the worst. I am very financially stable, I work hard, everything I have in my life I earned. I am on my own. I have good friends and family. I'm just not successful at dating, but everything else I am fairly good at. So I don't get to this day how I am a loser. How does my face make me a loser. I just don't understand. I think peoples actions do that or their personalities. How does the face that they don't choose determine that?

That experience made me depressed for a while though, and I stopped dating for almost a year before I got back into it in case other men think I am loser because of my face. I do online dating now, and I only go for who I find in my league on there. I've had attractive men message me, but I delete the message because I know they won't like me when they see me offline.

[kheserthorpe]

I bet Steve buscemi can land hot women.

As I've said in other questions, you have to offer a package of qualities that lines up with the package of qualities you want. You don't have to match off on each item.

Realistically, men are more likely to land women much better looking then they are base on wealth, fame and or status.

For example this:

link

Just married:

link

Following his breakup with:

link

[peace-love-couture]

Money talks

[kheserthorpe]

Yes, but more for men then for women. Same thing with being considered famous or 'cool'.

Men and women are about as shallow, but not in the same way.

[peace-love-couture]

I never said money didn't talk for men

The dudes on here are loaded, so that doesn't apply

[Crimson811]

Well yeah of course he can because he’s rich.

[gonyr]

a kid I lived with in college was like that. He was really weird and looked retarded. However, every girl was too ugly for him.

we talked this girl into hooking up with him. she wasn't a perfect 10 or anything but she was a pretty good looking girl, a good body and huge t*ts. dumb as a box of rocks but whatever. point is, we got her to agree to do it if he wanted to. He refused. he was a total virgin, ahd never kissed a girl before or been on a date or anything.

if a model was on TV she wasn't hot enough either. it was just weird. someone that was so desperate to get laid had the highest standards, it pissed us all off

we had a mini bet going about who could be his wingman, and it pissed us off when we turned it down.

[MRize]

The largest majority of them have high standards because they're not honest to themselves and refuse to accept the fact that they may not be as attractive on a physical level as they think. Which in return ties into them trying to justify their unrealistic standards(They think their way better looking then what they are). It just takes some time of them being lonely/or a friend to be outright honest and blunt with them. Which can go wrong really quick depending on how close minded some people are.

[yopyopyop]

I'm not particularly attractive, not rich, but I have dated all types of beauties. Inner beauties with not much physical appeal, and hot girls with the intelligence of a cucumber. I prefer a good personality over physical aspects, to the point where I don't even look at it anymore.

I think this question tells us more about your personality than anything else, and it's not pretty at all.

[peace-love-couture]

Whatever makes you feel better :)

[mattygfromtheMD32]

Based on your question and the answers, ugly guys should not go after who they're attracted to. Ugly people should accept their low status and only mingle with each other. I'm fat. I don't like fat girls. I can't help that I'm not attracted to them. I'm not going to settle for someone I'm not physically attracted to. Nobody should. A lot of people like to think they're "too good" for people, but they're really not. I'm not going to be bitter form rejection, because I realize its not fair to force attraction.

[Moloch]

Yeah, that's what I got from it. Good point.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

They need to come back to life, back to reality. If you're unattractive there is no way you should have high standards. Nobody wants you in the first place, but then have the nerve to be picky about it? Looking like somebody's ass but claiming you only date top of the line! Puh-leeze! haha

[emzy-89]

Ummm, so you're saying that hot people should go for hot people and not so attractive people should go for other not so attractive people. How about going after the person that they are and not just their aesthetic? I know some pretty average looking people who are with amazingly goo-looking people, why?, because no matter what they look like on the outside they have the most beuatiful personalitys

In my opinion, the people with an ugly personality have just as little right ot be picky as the people who may have an ugly face/body, if not more so. Dickheads are ugly people no matter how attractive they may be on the outside.

[Crimson811]

I think that’s the way it should be too. Its called being realistic. I can’t speak for guys because I’m not one. But a 10 woman isn’t going to be interested in a 2 unless she has low self esteem or he’s rich. If you pursue people on your level, you have a much higher success rate.

[TedStar]

I believe that just because you want something doesn't mean that you'll get it. Nothing is owed to someone else especially the affections of someone else. I have absolutely 0 F*ucks to give these kinds of people when they complain about not getting what they want. It probably sucks that they were dealt a rubbish hand in terns of their attractiveness and it probably does get frustating, but throwing their toys out the cot is not the answer.

[caligirl3]

i think we all have the right to have standards but but reasonable ones. I had a friend that was very overweight ans she told me about a guy that liked her and I asked her if she wanted to date him ans she said god no he is fat. that shocked me a bit and she only wanted guys with a channing tatum bod, but if you aren't into health and fitness you can't really expect that your partner should be either

[MildlyOriginal]

haha see that's thing about guys, you can't get away with saying something like that to one of your buddies. I know, because I saw an almost identical situation go down in a group of my friends one day. The one guy was sort of busted face wise and was overweight. He shot waaaaay out of his league and got turned down. Another friend told the guy he could hook him up with this girl that was more in his league if you catch my drift. He said no because she was "way too chubby". The response from one

[MildlyOriginal]

of my friends was something along the lines of "oh shut the f*ck up ya fat f*ck. You gotta be kidding me, have you looked in a mirror? How are you gonna b*tch to us because your standards are all out of wack? You are to Jess (girl that rejected him) what Erica (chubby girl) is to you. No offense, you're a good guy, but quit your b*tchin." Harsh, but effective. You just can't get away with that, guys don't accept it.

[caligirl3]

hahaha that's funny, I didn't say anything to my friend cause he was kind unstable and had a history of cutting herself cause she was so insecure so I didn't want to make her depressed and make her feel awfula about herself, normally I tell my friend like it is if they can't handle it then too bad

[acka72]

Depends what those standards are and they might compensate with other things that are not necessarily good looks:

Intelligence

Social Skills

Self Esteem

Confidence

Ethical and loving

etc etc etc.

FYI I know many good looking guys that prefer dating not so pretty girls because they develop relationship and social skills because they can't rely on their good looks to get ahead in life.

[Prof_Don]

As long as the PHYSICAL standards for those people aren't outrageously high, I think it's acceptable.

A person that is below average by the masses, but has high standards for personality traits and the other "intangibles" in a partner is perfectly OK. Everyone deserves to have a pleasant partner. :)

[DeidreK]

I think everyone should feel good about themselves. But I hate when unattractive guys are arrogant. I knew a guy once that thought I was going to be attracted to him because he said so. He told me, "when I become successful, you're gonna want my money." And he said it like he was upset. Why get mad because I'm not interested? Really?

[peace-love-couture]

That's creepy that he said that lol

[DeidreK]

Yes, very lol. I think he was doing it to make me doubt saying no to him lol.

[ObscuredBeyond]

You're assuming "standards" refer only to looks. Better a Plain Jane who is wholeheartedly into me, than a beauty queen who has the heart of a hellhound.

My lack of success is because I seem to find only hellhounds; of all shapes, sizes, and attraction levels. All the sweethearts are already taken, and I refuse to steal a woman from another man just to have one. Because a thing which can be stolen is a thing which can be stolen.

[femzee]

The fact is anyone can get anybody. No matter how unattractive you are you just have to compensate it with something else like style, money, personality, fame, power etc.. Example Seal, little wayne, trump etc

[PoeticNinja]

They think that they have the greatest personality to make up for their lack of appearance and also it could be some kind of defense mechanism.

Oh well, I'm not going after them.

[Little-Hippie]

It makes no difference to me.

They simply end up alone or settle.

Or they have numerous sexual encounters with hot guys who will always ask them not to tell anyone.

[Moloch]

The problem is being ugly to the point where all you can get are people you're not attracted to. I'm sure that's infuriating, and I'm sure that's why many unattractive people are single.

[AshBrown]

I think this applies to people who DO NOT see themselves as unattractive. People who do find themselves unattractive are a bit more "realistic" (for lack of a better word).