Best way to approach a guy with trust issues

[jamiejean1021]

So in my experience it has always been the woman in life you tend to have “trust issues” when entering a new relationship. I have been talking and getting to know this guy through texts and email over the last two months. I really like him but he still seems to have some trust issues due to his last relationship. He’s made the comments that “girls always say ‘I love you’ and never mean it” and “every girl I’ve ever loved has lied to me” I finally put him on the spot and asked him to trust me when I told him that I would never lie to him, and only ever want to make him happy. His response was that he was confused, because girls have said that before.

I got him to say that he is willing to try to trust me, but that it will take time as he gets to know me better (understandable). Does his fear and hesitation mean that he is already developing strong feelings for me? I mean, you wouldn’t be scared of getting hurt, if you didn’t care about the person, would you? I’m not sure the best way to make him feel comfortable with me? And, I know this may sound bad, but, how long could this take? I’m caring more and more about him each day, and I guess, I don’t want to get hurt either if this has no chance in working out.

[jeremy20]

Actually, psychologically speaking, men are much more territorial than women, causing them difficulty in trusting the women in their lives when it comes to friendships with other men. I've always known the guys to be more jealous and trust-broken than girls.

I've been there before, there being where your guy is now. He's broken. He's had nothing but terrible dating / relationship experiences and its all he knows. He doesn't know anything positive, so its difficult for him to perceive something positive, causing him to have trust issues.

For instance, I once was in a relationship for 5 years, in which we were engaged. She ended up cheating and I refused to take her back. After a 2 year break from dating, 2 girls I dated wanted me for nothing but sex, which they left when I refused. I then met a girl online, where she led me on for two months. She eventually asked me to be just friends and said there's a reason, but wouldn't tell me why. About 2 months ago, I met another girl and I fell head over heels for her, as I though she was me. 2 days after introducing me to her friends, after I made her a 3 course meal, she gave me the "its not you, its me" speech.

I recently met another girl, and she seems awesome, but at the same time I've felt this way several times before, and I kind of find it difficult to believe I'll be happy with any girl any time soon because of my experiences.

Basically, my point is, this guy, just like me, is broken. He needs someone to put him back together again. That someone could very well be you. You just have to give it time and take it slow. Slowly show him that he can trust you and that you won't hurt him. Make him feel secure about himself and show him you're crazy about him.

All these things will build his confidence, and in turn, cure him of his trust issues. You have to tread lightly though, if he's like me (which he seems to be), it won't take much to ruin a potential relationship and scare him away since he's so broken.

Are you up to the challenge?

[jamiejean1021]

Thank you! You?ve taken away the slight insecurity I had thinking maybe he was using it as an excuse. Normally I would think he had issues and would just move on, but, I have this strong desire to just, make him happy. I may have to tough this one out and be patient, but I really think it will be worth it in the end. I will do my absolute best to prove to him that I will treasure him =)

[Electric_Dreams]

I have a mental image of a cat etching cautiously towards a stranger because it wants to be petted, but cautious because in the past strangers have been bad to it when its trusted them. That's what his guy made me think of.

So I feel like he wants someone to be kind to him and that he wants to be loved, but he's cautious because in the past when he's tried to embrace this desire he's had a hard time as a result.

Sounds like he's experiencing the "too good to be true?" complex. Finding it hard to believe that this could even be. I know how that feels. He kinda reminds me of myself. The only kind, lovely women that I've know have never been single. Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Just take it slow and let him know you will always be there for him no matter what.

[Anonymous]

You should spend more time with him. Also, show to him that you won't leave him no matter what. That's the only way.

[MikeK]

Just treat him right ;)