How to have the DTR talk.

[Anonymous]

What is a good way to have the DTR (define the relationship) talk? I am looking for a somewhat smooth way to find out exactly how the guy I've been kind of seeing feels about me and what we have. Thanks a lot for the help.

[greatoutdoors84]

How long have you been together? I'd say that typically this is a man's responsibility to initiate the DTR talk, but if you feel the need to know I'd recommend creating a safe zone in which there is little pressure. I'd ask him directly where he sees the relationship going but explain that there are no hard feelings either way and that you will respect him with whatever decision he makes.

[Asker]

It's been about a month but I'm even confused as to whether we are dating or not. I think he likes me but he also might just want to be friends. I'm just worried about scaring him away by trying to have the conversation too early but I also really need to know.

[greatoutdoors84]

hmm...well I'm not sure how much you've been hanging out in the month, but if its been fairly consistent then I'd ask him, "what are your thoughts about us?" Just make sure that he knows there is no pressure and you will be cool with him no matter what he thinks. If you can approach it in a very calm demeanor I think it will make him respect you for your initiative and drive. At least I would if you presented it in a non pushy manner.

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for the help! That's what I was thinking too. I think I will ask him next time we see each other depending on how things are going.

[greatoutdoors84]

no prob! guys don't like to be pressured or pushed so if you keep it light I'm sure you'll do great!

[Lizzielu]

Just talk about the future, just celebrated my boyfriends birthday and we talked about what we're planning on doing next year so much better than asking him if he's planning on sticking around until next year

[Jade4]

It depends...is this a I don't want you to see other people talk? Or will we ever get engaged talk? Very different answers

[Asker]

More like an "are we together or just friends" talk so I guess closer to the first one. Advice?

[Jade4]

I'm a bit confused, you've been dating this guy right? If you're not sure if you're seeing each other I'd have concerns. If you're just dating I don't have the talk until I'm uncomfortable seeing other people. I would just say that you don't feel OK about either of you seeing other people anymore, you will understand either way but what does he think? I find its less about the exact words but how calm you are. Bearing in mind if he says he wants to see other people, don't go to pieces!

[Asker]

Thank you I will definitely be calm and make sure he knows there is no pressure or hard feelings.