What to do if an unhappily married man is attracted to you?

[Anonymous]

Last week I met this married man in a group dinner along with his wife. He asked me many personal questions in front of the others. When his wife wanted to leave early, he told her that he still wanted to stay and he did. After she has left, he told us that they often argued with each other and incompatible. Later I found out that there were already rumours that they wanted to get divorce 2 years ago. People seems to think that he is quiet patient to deal with his wife's selfish ways.

Before I left, he offered to send me home. I did not take it, however, I did take his name card. He gave me few reasons why we should keep in touch. One of them is that he can help me search for a job, which I told him that I am currently looking. He kissed my both cheeks before I left.

I am attracted to him. But, I do not want to be his mistress. I do think he can help me with my job search since he is well connected. Is it possible to make an unhappily married man leave his wife? I know it is too early to say anything. But, this is a delicate matter that I need to think carefully before anything starts..

Updates

+1 y

I am certain I can tell him 'no' if he tries anything other than work related things.. I guess deep inside I know what is the right thing to do and just need to figure out the right parameters. For that, thank you for the advices

[acka72]

"Is it posible to make an unhappily married man leave his wife?" No, only he can make that decisión. If you sleep or have anything with him while he is unhappily married, the only thing you do is prolong his unhappy marriage. If you whine and complain about his marriage status the less he will be willing to have anything to do with you.

Also he's been wanting a divorce for 2 years! Mayor red flag. Once you decide to divorce it doesn't take 2 bloody long years. Lon term relationships and marriages have their ups and downs. Just because a man is having a down period, it doesn't mean he doesn't love his wife or wants to leave her.

With regards to contacts and getting a job... use someone else to help you. That reeks of major manipulative strategy to be with you and you are being a dumbass for even considering. If you do use his help talk to him just via phone and keep it at that level. Don't meet up for coffee lunch or whatever alone with him.

Honestly speaking, you are too bloody old to be considering taken fruit. If you go down this road, you will find yourself alone and older. If you are intrested in mariage and kids yourself you will have wasted your last years of precios youth on a married man.

If he asks you out, you are nice to him and say that when he has divorced or is not together with anybody, you'll gladly go out with him. Make sure he gives you a copy of the divorce papers. I'm not kidding. You'd be amazed at how men lie about these things. So very very careful.

[OnItLikeSonic]

It doesn't matter how flat you make a pancake, it has two sides. It's very easy for someone who is unhappily married to paint their other half as the selfish party who ruined their marriage. It always takes two people to make a relationship fail, so don't believe this pity party of poor him he's so unlucky to have to be married.

I think there are plenty of people or services out there that will help you to find a job without further hurting a relationship and clearly yourself, because no, when a married man get's interested in someone else, there's a good reason the stereotype is that they never leave. If they were really going to leave their other half they would do it before they met someone else, and definitely if they found someone new.

It sounds like you're trying to justify getting closer to him with work related things, so I think if you don't feel 100% confident you can keep it strictly business then don't. If he'll leave her for you, he'll leave you for the next one too.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

don't even think about it. the inner workings of his marriage are none of your business. keep ur interactions with him strictly professional. use him for what he can do for you but keep it business!

[Stark]

"If he's willing to cheat with you, he is willing the cheat on you".

Take him up on the job offer, but don't take it any further than friends until he has is own affairs sorted out.

[Stark]

to* .,.,.,.

[mviner04]

Don't get involved, just stay away. There are plenty of other men in the world. No reason to set yourself up for a bad situation when you already know up front it will be bad.

[RedRain]

She's going to leave her when he's ready and when he decides so. He can't be forced. And you might get hurt if you hope he does and then he doesn't...