How to Overcome the Frustration of Rejection

[Alexcc]

First my take I write, I wrote it actually as advice for a guy here who was tired of getting rejected by women, I divided this into 6 ideas.

1) Speak to more girls

Part of the issue might be that you only focus on 1 or 2 super hot girls, and some of you spend more time stalking them on social media than actually talking in real life. Finally you make the move, you feel like you know them already (after hours of stalking their facebook) and of course they reject you, they dont know you, and find you creepy, and you feel bad, but you are not the problem, they must be shallow right? how could they reject such a nice guy???

Talk to more people, in real life, make friends, social skills are developed only by practicing.

2) Work on yourself

Give girls reasons to notice you. You're not entitled to female attention just because you are "a good guy" so work out, play instruments, develop social skills, and dont beat yourself up over things you can't fix. You can't make yourself taller, but you can get a nice haircut and clean clothes.

Spending all day sitting on the computer watching the lives of the women you like on instagram does not count as working on yourself!!

3) Learn to deal with rejection

Not just with girls but in life this will help you. The only way to not care that much is by getting rejected a lot. I can't count how many times a girl has told me "not interested." Get rejected 100 times and then you won't care what people think.

4) Stop thinking she's "The one"

There's nothing more harmful than to close the door on all other girls because you think she's the one. Unless you have a relationship with her, are married or have a kid on the way with her, stop telling yourself she's the only girl for you.

5) Have female friends

No, don't hit on them, don't try to sleep with them, be friends, learn how to be friends with girls without being creepy. You'll learn a lot about women and they can introduce you to their friends.

6) Don't stalk girls online

Don't watch how happy they are with their boyfriends and how they don't even accept your friend request. Take a break from Facebook, I repeat, take a break. Just because you have spent hours going through the bikini pictures of her vacations to Cabo does not mean you know her at all, at all, just take a break.

7) Accept that sex is not a reward you get for being such a nice guy

This one is important. Accept that, and don't act like you have earned sex and girls have to give it up because you have done so much for them.

[pnl86]

My father made me do this exercise when I was little.

He found a picture of this really disgusting girl, that pretty much looked like a fat hairy man. He was like, "Imagine yourself talking to this girl, just being friendly and not being mean. You say something like, hey want to hear a joke about my penis? Nevermind, it's too long. Then, she says, want to hear a joke about my vagina? Nevermind, you wouldn't get it anyway. I want you to focus on your thinking and feelings, and try to marinate in them if you can. How do you feel? What are you thinking? Now, let's talk about that."

As kids growing up in a structured educational system (particularly boys), we're indoctrinated into certain ritualistic and symbolic thinking. If there's a chess club, maybe you have zero interest in chess, but it would be nice to know you got accepted into the chess club - must mean you're smart. If the popular sport is soccer, maybe it's important to you to "make the team." You want to be "on the honor roll." You get the message that the "more" things you're "accepted" into, the "better" that is. So, your brain gets programmed to feel this sense of "pleasure/reward" from being accepted.

Conversely, your brain experience emotional "distress/punishment/pain" when it gets "rejected." But "why?" You can just stop there, you have to ask and understand (and challenge) the "why" behind the "what." People have biases, use mental short-cuts, even if they're not rational or logical, because "making a decision fast" is what lead to more people surviving than "making the right decision." That's how "emotions" evolved. But sometimes, your "gut" isn't right, and you need to recognize that and make sense of that (because if you don't, it's going to ruin your life).

Are you really in "distress" that this fucking monstrosity of human nature that isn't even worthy of a Dove "Every Woman is Beautiful" spot insinuated that she wouldn't have sex with you? I mean, do you really want to have sex with her? What about create children with her that dilute your genetics with hers? So, do we even need to talk about a relationship? When, why are you in distress? Are you really in distress, or is it an automatic knee-jerk reaction you need to maybe learn to be in control of (rather than let it control you)?

[pnl86]

Similarly, imagine the complete opposite. You see a super-attractive (10). Not just her physical appearance, but her style, the way she moves, her body language, her facial expressions, her mannerisms, her voice, just everything about her is aesthetically and sexually perfect. Assume further you stop thinking and feel (or believe you feel) lovestruck. You interact with her, and for whatever reason (which really don't matter for as long as the result will not change) she's not interested in you.

Again, you experience "distress." But, what are you really "distressed" about? That you "wanted to have sex with her, but will not?" Really? There's no other way on Earth to sexually satisfy yourself? You wanted to combine your genetic materials to produce a child with her. Okay, play that out. Where would you be in this picture? What does a relationship with someone who isn't interested in you look like? You sure you want that? So, why are you in "distress" again?

[pnl86]

I think boys need to start learning how to navigate and make sense of their feelings from a much younger age (and with the help of both of their parents). When a guy can't handle rejection or is deathly afraid of it, all I think is... "bad coping skills."

[spoonfulofapricot1]

Really good points here mate!

[Jamisynsm19]

Totally agree

[Luci92]

This is extremely good, particularly for bitter gag guys.

[Dim1213]

Yup more gag members need freinds of the opposite sex.

[cth96190]

I will not say that the points made by @Alexcc are wrong, but I had a different experience.
When I was younger, I ticked all the boxes on the list that women were supposed to have.
The facts:
1. Good job in the media and looked good enough to have my head on television, from time to time.
2. Looked good below the neck, due to a dedication to martial arts and army service.
3. Reserve commission in the army, with periods of activated full-time service.
4. Honours graduate, IQ in the top 2 per cent.
5. Amateur and occasional professional actor, so I did not have a problem expressing myself.
6. A liking for European designer clothes and cars.
7. Family had money.
If images of Elliot Roger are flashing through someone's mind, I forgive them.
Through my work, I met a lot of women.
Until I was about 30, I could almost not get a date.
Why?
Because I was not a bad boy who had a two-digit IQ, a wardrobe of flannel shirts and singlets, a clapped-out old car and no future past welfare housing and a minimum-wage job, or perhaps a lifetime of unemployment benefits.
Until females reach the age of 25 to 30, that is the sort of man that most of them want.
Forget everything that women say that they want and watch for whom they open their legs. For about 80 per cent of young women, it will be low IQ minimum-wage and often sociopathic bad boys. The figure of 80 per cent is my best guess, based on observation.
About the age of 30 I reassessed my situation. I analysed a data set of about 15 years of rejection. It became apparent that I was engaged in an exercise in which I was not going to be successful, so I applied the first two principles of military tactics:
1. Fight only the battles that you can win.
2. Do not reinforce defeat.
I ceased investing time and resources into what had been shown to be a futile exercise and I walked away.
Overall, I believe now that I dodged a huge bullet. The female collective and the bad boys deserve each other.

[yellowmamba024]

"Just because you have spent hours going through the bikini pictures of her vacations to Cabo." This part can sting. Otherwise, this is a great take. I am going to add that speaking to more girls has another advantage: Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you will still land among the stars. It means that if you aim high, girls that are more popular among men, you will still achieve success by gaining a thicker skin. Also, sometimes, you might even get more success with the less attractive girls as a result.

[Anonymous]

Overcoming any problem is eas with the right tools. When you are denied those, you will try anď try, read advice and it won't do anything.

If your family doesn't accept you, how do you accept yourself? If they convinced you that you aren't worthy of their love, affection, how do you give and receive unconditional love yourself? Without the tools your family is responsible to give and does not, who do you think will fix the mess? Or just telling oneself tjhat it will be okay? If anybody went through emotional neglect and abuse even, you probably know what a mess the life has become. Nice guides though.

[Anonymous]

This take puts u in the position. While you keep improving yourself and building your value, you put no standards on the girl side and merely just keep asking until one says yes. In short it makes you look like a thirsty male who just wants any girl he finds attractive to give him a chance while he simultaneously builds up his value.

[singlebee]

The only thing I need to develop is social skills. My shyness stops me from everything.. There is a cute girl I waana be friends with from the other vatch from my class... but then I think she will find it weird... or something..
So I don't even try... Lol :-P

And when I see a hot girl I get really shy.. Otherwise I am good

[Jamisynsm19]

I am the same way about guys, but my mom told me something that completely blew my mind.
If you choose not to say hi, you will never know that person and if you choose to say hi and they reject you you will still never know that person.
Either way the outcome is the same and rejection doesn't feel worse or better than choosing out of it

[singlebee]

@Jamisynsm19 yup you are right.. Just need to build some courage first

[Jamisynsm19]

Yeah

[Notorisch_Arschloch]

Just remember: In 100 years we'll all be dead, none of this will matter, and no one will remember or mourn you.

Nihilism: it's what's for breakfast.

[Anonymous]

These are all GREAT points! Spot on advice for how to deal with rejection in getting the girls you want, but also good more generally with rejection of any kind. Something I never really got until MUCH later than I should have is how important it is in life to REALLY work on your pick up skills. The ability to attract and have sex with hot girls is critical to being successful in life more generally.

[aficionado]

Too much work, too little returns. That's the reason I never approach women or socialise with them. All my past relationships have been accidental or spontaneous.

[Blonde401]

This is a great take! I've dealt with a lot of rejection myself so this is sort of helpful, though I'm not dating anymore. but I deffo think more guys need to read this.

[Alistar]

"How to Overcome the Frustration of Rejection"

Easy!

Don't bother asking anybody out

Relax

Put your feet up

Have another beer

[Kiran04]

How to deal with rejection? Just repeat this brilliant Gina Davis quote yourself:

"Life is pain. You just get used to it."

[Anonymous]

Rejection isn't a big deal. Being led on is way worse.

[Anonymous]

I do 2,4,6,7 I can't deal with rejection I've tried and it is just crippling for me.

I also can't seem to have female friends the only ones that I'm not attracted to always end up becoming attracted to me.

[Paulbil]

3 and 5 are clearly easier said than done. If you can't handle rejection you won't be able to expose to it enough not to be affected by it, it will hurt you and probably won't try again

[KLTheErudite7229]

Mine is much easier:

The people that rejected me are not worth my time to think about.

[Anonymous]

I've begun to feel much better about myself since I gave up trying. I would suggest this to all guys but for some reason they think they can't live without them. Try it. YOU CAN!

[ThePetSquirrel]

I get rejected all the time, and each time I think to myself: "Oh well, their loss."

[goaded]

There's a line from somewhere (from memory): "If she rejects me, why should I be sad? She lost someone who loved her, I lost someone who didn't love me."

[ThePetSquirrel]

@goaded Precisely why I'm not afraid of rejection. The worse thing that could happen is a woman saying, "No".

[NaturelGuy4]

this isn't good at all lmao. I've done all of this and i still get rejected by every girl.

[Alexcc]

I understand, and yet, what I wrote is not about "how to get girls", keep in mind that I do get rejected too, you say "I've done all of this, and still get rejected" and I think that you still think that after you do "all the work" you "should" be getting girls, cause you have worked hard for it, that is exactly the issue I was trying to address, because female attention, dates and sex are not a reward for your hard work, that's what I'm trying to tell you, when you work on yourself and learn your own value, you'll stop feeling "rejected" all the time, when you feel sorry for yourself you are ruining your chances not only with girls but with people in general, I don't know if that helped at all, I haven't got everything figured out hahaha

[NaturelGuy4]

You still failed because I still feel rejected all the time. I've worked on myself so much and I know how great of a person i am, but it hasn't done anything. You speak as the delusional man.

[NaturelGuy4]

i dont feel sorry for myself at all. What what even made you think that. You just gave me a lecture on things to do to help me feel better about myself, and it did absolutely nothing simply because im not rich or good looking.

[Alexcc]

Indeed, there's nothing I can do for you friend, expect wish you luck

[NaturelGuy4]

yeah, your post sucked.

[Paul1236]

Or you could be a MGTOW and act like you don't give a single fuck.

[Anonymous]

ya if you are a guy, the world doesn't owe you shit