How to Handle Rejection

[Ozanne]

Being rejected sucks. Let’s face it, before a relationship has even begun, you’re feeling the effects of a break-up when someone rejects you. Instead of letting a rejection dictate how you ought to see yourself or how you view relationships and dating, there are better ways to view it to keep a healthy attitude.

1. Think of a rejection being more about the other person. You might not be their type, but you are certainly someone else’s type, you just don’t know it yet.

2. The other person is not horrible for rejecting you. I’m talking about the people who just say ‘no, I’m not interested’ and save the drama. People have reasons, and they can otherwise be decent people. You might be in a position to have to be the one rejecting, so put yourself in their shoes.

3. If someone disrespects you during the rejection, they did you a favour. If they embarrass you, and make the situation seem like you were foolish to have tried to pursue them, you basically just figured out what your future ex was going to act like. He/she saved you the stress of having to get involved with them, so be glad for it.

How should you respond to the rejection?

1. Don’t ask why. It doesn’t matter why. When someone isn’t interested in you, what are you going to do with that information exactly? Hopefully nothing, because anything you think needs changing based on someone who isn’t interested in you is a waste of time.

2. Don’t criticize their motives. If someone says they want to remain single, but the following week you see them in a relationship, let it be. Who cares? What they do is their business, just as what you will do will be yours – without each other in your lives.

3. Do remind yourself that the other person doesn’t define who you are, especially since they will not invest any time to know you or care about you further. That person doesn’t deserve to have the power to be so influential on you to change your habits or life simply because it doesn’t suit their wants.

Most importantly:

4. Do be polite and wish them well, giving them reason to wonder why of all the people they’ve rejected, you are being so civil about it. Break-ups and rejection often cause people to lose their minds and react poorly. Be that person who actually acts like a rational, mature person. For some, the fact that you’ve confidently decided to let them be might actually be intriguing to them (so you just never know, you may still have a chance – and that's if you still want it).

[Psychoanalytical]

Hats off, well written! That's exactly how I see it and wish if everyone sees it that way. Different people, different types, the fact someone is rejected doesn't mean they are ugly or unworthy, it simply means they are not the type of the other person. And... whoever rejects you disrespectfully is not someone worth considering!

[Ally247]

Rejection is just redirection

[Ozanne]

Good way of looking at it. :)

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

Ooh I like that

[Cynicaldreamer]

As someone's that been rejected fairly often, this is REALLY good advice! Excellent mytake! :)

When I was younger, I used to be bad about thinking it was the other person's fault for rejecting me, especially if they claimed they liked me, but not enough to date me :
That felt almost insulting.
But as I got older, I realized that's their preference: you can't force someone to like or be attracted to you... trust me, I've tried. It does NOT work!

Let's be real, rejection sucks, no matter how nicely the other person goes about doing so, or their reason behind it. All you can do is accept it, and find someone that does like you.

[Blueeyes81]

I agree with all of this. I do have a question out of sheer curiosity. When you wrote this was it coming from the perspective of being rejected or the perspective of how a rejector wants the rejectee to handle it? I only ask because of a conversation I had with a female friend years ago. She said they exact same things but she was coming from a rejector perspective. She hated being asks why. The reason because it put her on the spot and she had to lie. She didn't want to tell the truth and say "Its because you have bad teeth" etc. so she'd lie. Her lie was to say she's not looking for a relationship or that she had a boyfriend. Then if they found out either of those were a lie then she thought it made her look like a horrible person. While I agree with everything you said, they don't come from the same place. One viewpoint is about being strong and moving on with your chin held high and the other viewpoint comes from, in my opinion, a selfish place. A place that's an easy way out. Anyway that's how my mind works, shades of gray. Not saying either is wrong as I don't like to be asked why either. No one wants to see the hurt they cause on anothers face. I can say the few times that I've been asked why I lied. I didn't lie for her sake but for my own because it was easier for me than to see the hurt.

[Ozanne]

"When you wrote this was it coming from the perspective of being rejected or the perspective of how a rejector wants the rejectee to handle it?"

Very fair. I had two things go through my mind when I was answering some questions on GaG at the time. One was about online dating, and an experience I had a long time ago. The other was about an incident at a pub even further back. I'll explain:

Online, some men would send me messages and I could see instantly we wouldn't work out. Either they lived too far away, they had kids, or they just didn't appeal to me - whether it was looks, or how they presented themselves in their bios. Whatever the case, I just deleted their messages without saying anything. Finally, after a few days of doing this, one man said to me, "You don't have to be such a snob. I see you've been online and you must have gotten my message. You could at least just say hi and acknowledge my message. I took the time to write it, you can at least say no thanks." (more)

[Ozanne]

So I thought about this. I decided he was right. If he took the time to say "wasssssup" then I can at least have a send off to let him know I acknowledge. So it went like this: "Thank you for your message, I wish you all the best in your search" - or something like this. So I did this for a while, just acknowledging. So naturally, some men would say, "I don't understand. Why are you passing me by?" And others would be serious pests, spamming me more than once a day to get answers. It got seriously annoying. So much, that I realized I made the best choice to avoid them. If they were being this bad without being involved with me, what are they going to be like if I'm 20 minutes late coming home from work one night? What will they do if I told them I'm going out to a friend's place and my phone died while I was out? They were unreasonably pushy. Finally, one day, one guy took exception to my "send off message" to tell me: "As if I need you to tell me anything. If you aren't interested, just leave it alone." (Some even said, 'no wonder you're single' or kiss-offs like this.) So I thought: "Okay, so I sift through messages and just delete, but I get told to be nice and send some acknowledgement. So I send a simple acknowledgment, but men are not happy with that either." I decided that I'll just do what's best for me, handle it the way I want, and if a man has a problem with that, it is ultimately his problem, not mine. This doesn't have to be so difficult. I wish they could just be cool and understand how to get over a nobody like me and not target their anger or disappointment toward me. (more)

[Ozanne]

Second - and hopefully shorter - years ago I went to a pub with two female friends. It was sort of a small place, and but there was a live music act and a small dance floor. All I wanted was to enjoy time with my friends, and listen to the music. Not long into the evening, a guy came up and asked me to dance. I just said 'no thank you, I'm just visiting friends', but smiled as appreciation. I never laugh or scowl when someone approaches me like that. My simple no wasn't good enough. He went back to his table of both men and women, and I guess told them I said no and one woman wasn't having it. (more)

[Ozanne]

She marched over to me and said, "That's my little brother you just said no to." She was PISSED off. Her attitude was like a mama bear and she seemed like she wanted to get aggressive about it. I said something like, "That's fine, but I'm not here to dance or be taken away from my friends, I just want to be left alone." She barked at me again: "Then you come over to our table, and you thank him for paying any attention to you!!" I was getting mad now. So in this person's mind, even though you mind your business and don't ask for interruptions in your evening, you ought to not only say no, but go and thank them for paying attention to you in the first place? What sort of manipulating nonsense was this? I turned her down too. I might have said what I even just wrote, that I was minding my business, I don't need to thank people for approaching me after they've done so. For the next hour, I was glared at, mocked, and harassed every time someone from that table had to pass ours to go to the bar or the washroom. Honestly, is it warranted? You go out for a nice night with friends to get treated like this? I was basically victimized for saying no to a dance. That's not right, and no one should have to feel that way. Again, realizing had I danced with him, exchanged numbers, what the fuck was I in for in any relationship given the kind of sister and friends he had? Thank christ I said no if that's the case. (more)

[Ozanne]

Anyway, I guess I was more or less thinking of those two incidents that surfaced in my memory when I wrote this. There are no need for games, hard feelings, manipulation over someone just saying no. In fact, we can all breathe a little easier if someone is just normal and lets the person be.

Don't get me wrong: I've been rejected countless times myself! I think I learned a lot from these feelings of being made to feel bad, that it made me a better rejectee. If a guy didn't want me, I took no issue with that. In some cases, it made them curious why I was giving up so fast. But as you can probably guess, I'm not into head-games, so those guys also didn't get far with me.

Sorry for the long novel. But that's where most of this stems from.

[Bluemax]

I know this might be splitting hairs, but I dislike when people use the word "sucks" for something when "hurts" is more appropriate. Not having my favorite flavor of Pringles sucks. Being rejected does not suck; it hurts.

1. I tend to think in most cases that being rejected isn't about anyone. You just aren't attractive to that person, and it's not something he/she can control. I've also known too many people who never found love to agree with the statement, "but you are certainly someone else’s type, you just don’t know it yet." For some people this isn't true, or it might be true but such an individual is so rare that they'll never find him/her in a lifetime.
2. Very true! I wrote a whole mytake about this. Well put!
3. Very true.

1. Ah now, I believe not asking them why is done more to spare the rejector the discomfort of explaining an already awkward situation. Honestly, to many people rejecting hurts the rejectors, too! Believe it or not, I think it would be very profitable to know why a person might be chronically rejected. However, it's just not possible to have the rejector fill out a survey.
2. Yep.
3. Yep.
4. Yep.

[Ozanne]

Hi Bluemax, I'm sorry for not noticing any of your myTakes about this. I recently just came back after a few years (and even then a few years before that). So I know I missed a lot of good articles from many.

[guesswhoseback]

Alright you got decent points. But you are also coming from a female POV. The majority of women don’t have to deal with even a fraction of the rejection an average guy experiences.
I also know it’s not about “taking it personally”. But here is my analogy:

Think of a door to door salesman who makes a living on commissions. If he has people slamming doors on his face 10 times in a row he’s going to get jaded. If he gets in polite conversations with 25 people in a row but fails to close he will start to feel dejected.

Also how would a salesman feel if a prospect wasted half his day talking to him, asking about his product, asking for advice, inviting him in his house but when it was all said and done the prospect doesn’t want to do the deal? That’s how the friend zone feels.

Bottom line is that as a mature man I fully recognize and understand that I’m not entitled to sex and/or romantic intimacy from women (nor vice versa). It takes two to tango. I doesn’t matter what I think I am, or how I approached her or whatever. It’s a dice roll. Her feelings and interest level are the final judgment call.

But my issue is this. While a man is not entitled to sex/romance he IS entitled to respect. He’s entitled to an tactful yet honest rejection. If he (politely) had the balls to approach a woman and stick his neck out then she must respect that.

Some women get this but too many don’t.

[McKellar]

Well this is all pretty much common knowledge, so I'm not going to say this is by far the best piece you wrote.

The thing is you get rejected, you move on to another person, you get rejected again. You move on to another, you get rejected again. And another, rejected again, another, rejected again. Another, rejected again.
20 to 40 women,... ALL of them reject you. You'll be ultimately lucky if you have a woman interested in you & may end up in a relationship with 1 partner every 3 to 5 years ( provided she doesn't break up with you first ) as oppose to 1 girl getting flirted & hit on by guys every 5 minutes a day. Therefore she has PLENTY of options,... the guy doesn't.

Out of 20 to 40 women that guy encounters in 1 day, & they ALL reject him all because he is not their type & he keeps hearing "There's 1 out there for you! There's 1 out there for you!". As time passes & keeps getting the same results every single year, don't you think he's going to get VERY tired of the same results & become very bitter?

No matter how confident he becomes around others & especially around women,... he still gets the same results year after year, people can say to him "Who cares? move on",... you're moving on to what? the same pattern results. It's going to have a negative toll on the person to the point where he's just going to give up, not talk to women anymore & watch porn all the time.

Call it pathetic & disgusting, but hey... that's the realistic results you are going to get.

and in the end, that person is going to become bitter & angry all the time.

[InferiorElegy]

1. I have never been anyone's type, I never will and I have given up on trying to date anyways, rejection hurts too much these days and it's a physical pain.

2. I don't normally think girls rejecting me are horrible unless it's done in a horrible or harsh way.

3. All I've ever heard is they were doing me a favour, not sure what the favour was but I no longer believe in love and I hate myself and my face now so maybe that's the favour.

4. Really don't ask why I have and the answers suck, also some girls have rejected me with the answer in the rejection so, sometimes the answer is unavoidable unless you just never make an approach.

5. No point in criticising motives is right, including people who give up.

6. No one defines me but they have helped me see my true self and I hate it.

7. I have always been polite when rejected even when harshly rejected, what else could I do but accept and walk away shamefully and embarrassed, no point in attacking them or making myself seem less human.

[ohshee]

Yes in that moment of Rejection as your walking away your face is red and your talking to your self hard and loud LMAO ,,, But you have to smile or even laugh and it might even be good for us to feel that once in awhile it keeps us grounded lol,, anyway yes I have felt that 2 times but I won't forget that feeling ever lol now in saying all of this would you rather be rejected. Or the person say yes ok ,, and you go out for 6 months to a year and you break up ,, I'm going to go with rejection ,,, because both times I have had that happen I had to say ok cool thank you because they might have been smarter than me at that moment and new it wouldn't last so it does suck but it might be a good thing some times

[Ozanne]

"Or the person say yes ok ,, and you go out for 6 months to a year and you break up" ... Pretty much. I've known couples who got together, but one person was reluctant, thinking maybe they could go through with it and eventually find some feelings for them. But the other was pushy, just wanting them anyway. Inevitably, breaking up, and causing more hurt feelings. People can't make others fall for them if it just isn't there. One bout of losing one's pride or feeling a bit of embarrassment for a very short time, saves a lot of trouble and heartache later on.

[ohshee]

I agree with you , both are messed up and it's a part of life ,, I look for the positive with any negative that happens,, because for me 9 out of ten times when something bad happen in the lo g run some thing good has come from it

[ohshee]

Long run lol

[Anonymous]

1. You're right! UNLESS! You've asked 50 others out and been rejected all 50 times, then your no one elses type either. And how much rejection should, can someone take before giving up entirely.
2. Once again you're rigjt on the money. But once again sometimes rhose people want a continuance of the relationship as though nothing has happened. And the rejector has to understand that rhey have insulted the rejectee deeply and that continuance isn't always possible.
3. Unfortunately it isn't always possibly to understand somebody's intent. Some people just communicate better than others. I was rejected by a woman who because leading up to the rejection was such a nice person on the surface. I didn't want it to end the friendship. It wasn't until a year later when she was going through problems that it became clear how much she looked down on me. I couldn't help her. Because by the very nature of that she thought i might get the wrong idea. I was like... uh lady that was a year ago. You rejected me. I'm past it. Why aren't you?
4. I totally agree. Do this for no better reason than to NOT give them power over you. No one likes being rejected. But no one likes being easy to get over either. You can totally f*** with their head just by shrugging and moving past them like nothing happened.

[jshm2]

Don't be silly.

Rejection is the greatest. It tells you there was something wrong somewhere, and further damage has been avoided. Too many dimwits end up in abusive or unsatisfying relationships because they cannot reject, or should have rejected.

Too many people seem to feel entitled or under the impression that everything must be "Hollywood romance". When in fact, nothing is further from the truth.

[Ozanne]

"Too many dimwits end up in abusive or unsatisfying relationships because they cannot reject, or should have rejected."
Very true!

[prince350]

The manipulators always take the moral high ground - and subliminally blame you for something you (must) have done that has ACTUALLY caused you to be rejected.

The truth is rather banal much more often than not - they had other plans before they even met you and just used you to hitch a ride or hide something for a while, or to use you as distraction, or to prove a point - or simply to be unavailable to someone else to tach them a lesson - without feeling lonely themselves.

Except for those reasons, rejection doesn't feel like rejection at all - anyone who is not interested will simply tell you they are not interested, without shaming or guiltying you (by definition, rejection is a change of mind, after you have already been accepted - so that you would experience loss of approval - if there was no acceptance to start with you wouldn't experience rejection, just lack of interest).

[anexi]

"reject" as defined by the Merriam Webster dictionary, dictionary. com and the Cambridge dictionary means "to refuse to accept." So while your opinion is probably a very comforting sentiment for the rejectee, it's incorrect. Also I love how you specify "manipulators," insinuating that anybody who rejects a person must have had some ulterior motive from the very beginning. S m f h.

[prince350]

@anexi well if there was no prior acceptance it would be simply 'to refuse'. The issue is with refusal of ordinary, neutral, human interaction (not romantic, not sexual, not physical). It invalidates decency of the person (and the presumption of innocence) - and hurts because of the inherent implication of guilt,
It is not my fault to have to resort to a published directory of words, generated by people who know very well how inaccurate the definitions are - to prove your moral superiority (to garner political/group support, to cover for some early childhood injury/loss of approval by daddy)

[prince350]

@anexi Take the more frequently used Google, and reject is defined as 'dismiss as inadequate, unacceptable, or faulty' - the meaning you have been describing.

[anexi]

Lmao because a girl who knows how to use a dictionary simply MUST have daddy issues, right?

"dismiss as inadequate, unacceptable or faulty" still does not say anything about "a change of mind, after you have already been accepted" as you said in your original opinion. This is nothing to do with my need for approval from strangers online, as you suggest. This is simply my desire to explain to you that you are wrong. 🤷

[prince350]

@anexi A girls who knows how to use a dictionary - but doesn't know how to google?
And then with a desire to explain to someone they are wrong (so, simply, a self-righteous c.. t).
I rest my case.

[anexi]

Proper research means utilizing multiple sources, instead of just the first result that google can spit out.

Calling me names and telling me that I have daddy issues does not negate the fact that you improperly defined "rejection" in order to make yourself feel better. 🤷

[prince350]

@anexi hey, I did female logic - and you were the one to quote one source, I added another.
Do go on though.

[anexi]

"female logic" - very sexist

Another source that also did not define rejection the way you tried to say it was defined, so? Listen, just accept that you're wrong. Being hateful to me does not change that fact. You've not said one single thing on this thread that indicates you are anything other than presumptuous, jaded and now sexist. But yeah, let's keep going!

[anexi]

Also, I quoted THREE sources that all said the same thing. Just a reminder 😂

[prince350]

@anexi how are three sources that say the same thing not a dumb or a biased choice compared to including at least one dead-obvious one that says differently?
You are trying to cover your tracks now, and only revealing more of how silly you find your views to be

[TruthBringer]

Simple, talk and go on dates with multiple people. The thing is, if you have an abundance mindset, rejection won't do you much. This is especially important for men since so many men are stuck on 1 or 2 girls, pin their hopes on them and get bitter when they get rejected. It doesn't matter if you get rejected by someone if you're talking to at least 5 others seriously.

[user45663789]

Actually, it would be refreshing to actually get a straight forward rejection; a simple "sorry, I'm not interested". More often than not I ask someone out and they give me a "let me check my schedule and get back to you" then they never get back to me then they just ignore me. On the other hand, I've been lead on for a month and half, then they make up some excuse after seeming to be really interested. Dating sucks, being single sucks too. Its a no win.

[Silver158]

The issue is with a lot of people these days they don't actually reject the other person, they either say "maybe" or even tell the other person they feel the same and string them along indefinitely. I'm actually happy to get a straight rejection because it's a lot less hassle than that bullshit.

[Unit1]

This is platinum! 💙

and most importantly - it's not the end of the world. Plenty of other candidates to try out. Happy shopping and don't be a fool and get scammed 😁😁😁💰💰💰

[Thatasianlove16]

I’ve been rejected so much and this is exactly what I do so I love this

[Anon621]

As a person that has been rejected multiple times I agree I think this outlook is very good

[Ayexshi]

Always come from a compassion state - that it's not all about you. You don't have to understand them. It's their issues, not yours. Knowing that they are not perfect makes it easier for you to let go and accept what it is.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/3TWpPrcl0WY

When it comes to rejection I handle it like this (Press Play!) I laugh & life moves on.

[DaMack999]

It's like job interview they say no you move on to next company same with relationship.

[20yearsolder]

So is there a question

[Ozanne]

This is a MyTake, so no.

[20yearsolder]

I apologize, I didn't realize

[Ozanne]

No worries.

[coachTanthony]

@Ozanne Good take!