I used to have that fear of intimacy as well, but then I figured out that I just had a fear of loss. Like I would have sex with her, she was leave me forever and I would stay behind fucked and unloved.
Self-improvement is a noble cause, and too many people refuse to try to become better. So props for acknowledging and working toward becoming a better person
Sounds like you went from settling to setting your standards too high. Maybe just share in a journal the qualities in a man that could add to your happiness and start imagining the type of relationship you want. Be happy and attract that which you desire. Your sold knows whe it is ready.
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
there's so much I wanna say, but oh well, I liked this mytake.
1
2 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
Please tell me. Let's have a chat here. I like to hear your opinion and critiques.
Well, I haven't been single my whole life but I am now and it has been by choice. I have rejected advances and girls for a while now. Not fear of intimacy but lack of interest in intimacy. While I would love a woman by my side, a serious relationship, I feel its not possible and its only wishful thinking. Having experienced lies and deception from different people then I feel I can't rely on others and its a waste. Online hook ups, one night stands are easy and inviting but its not something that will make me happy.
Reading your first reason, I can relate since Im very private. You can see that by looking at my anonymous posts. So I only allow few in to my personal life, others are kept at a distance. Second reason I can also relate, I laugh and have fun with people but separate my private life so I won't get hurt.
Just do what makes you happy. That's what's important till you find someone perfectly suited to be with. That's the goal that's how you'll find him/her
naw, you're just makin' this stuff up in your own head. Get out there and date and it will all change.
2
14 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
i didn't say "i dont date". i dont know how you concluded this way. In fact i get a lot of dates, but i can't trust anyone or i fear that they get close to me and end up hurting me. what part did you exactly not understand?
I dont think it has to be a disorder, that fear could just simply come from these guys that ready left you. If you talk yourself into having disorders , you are only making yourself insecure.
Just be confident or at least fake it till you make, don't let them play you, have respect for yourself ( I mean that in a good way) , you will find the right guy eventually. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, just insecurity. Don't give yourself the crazy label.
I have been following you quite awhile, and I have seen many comments of you. You are one rude dude at the age of 60, probably bitter of your life failures and not accepting those. I am not sure why you need to be rude, but it's fine. Keep on doing what makes you feel good.
You call it rude cuz you can't handle the truth. You are the one that is calling yourself crazy. Don't do that. And quit being a victim. So many women paint themselves into a corner with zero options - THERE ARE ALWAYS OPTIONS. And no, your little shaming tactic has nothing to do with my success or failures in life - you want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. :)
And quit posting your crap anonymously. Stand up for yourself - be real, be honest, and show yourself. You don't see me hiding behind anonymity do you?
You can't even spell. LOL And your little shaming tactics are a joke. If you can't handle the truth or the comments then don't post the questions. This had NOTHING to do with me - it's YOUR problem. You wanted to know why you're single - this is a pretty good indication and demonstration why. Cuz no guy is going to put up with your whiny bullshit. Grow up or GTFO.
"... I know I am a difficult person..." Here it is, right here! Just quit it. And quit blaming everybody else - this solely on YOU. Quit blaming the guys, quit blaming everything but YOURSELF.
I think you're writing this regarding misspelled word "lofe" instead of life. As you may notice, i and o are next to each other and I apparently mis-clicked. Only people who have nothing else to do in life and just waiting to complain about the next thing would be a grammar and spelling Nazi like you against a person who speaks and writes English as a second language.
I am sure you are one of those ignorant redneck Americans who cannot speak another language other than English and who complain about foreign software engineers come and take your jobs because your education level is extremely low compared to the rest of the Western world.
Guess again, loser. And now we know why you're single. Guess we figured that one out real quick, eh? LOL Please, block me now so I don't have to deal with any more of your drivel. You're a special snowflake loser young and stupid woman that will never be able to keep a man simply because you're an argumentative bitch. No guy is going to put up with that. You and your 'perfect partner' prince charming. Egads. GTFO here.
Yes definitely I am stupid. I have a 6-figure job at a Forbes company, and I have two masters and a PhD, have travelled 49 countries, volunteered for free in Africa, and ignore all that, behind your PC, without knowing a bit of me, assume that I am a dumb idiot bitch. It's OK. For sure, I am dumb, stupid, bitch, and argumentative for those like you who do not have a piece of brain to understand what I say in my take, rather finds bits and pieces to attack with no constructive argument, and tons of abbreviated cuss words.
I am wondering what exactly you are, and why your woman is married to you.
Men are walking away from relationships with western women, because the laws are so biased. A lot of men now choose to live in a foreign country with their spouse/girlfriend.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I'm glad you've realized your problem and that you're working on it. I hope you will succeed in overcoming your phobia. 😊
Your story was very interesting to read. Hopefully you solve the issue.
0
10 Reply
myTake Owner
+1 y
I am working on it, slowly, but i am determined to fix it. I have met someone a month ago. He went through same process he told me and he talks to me and helps me with his experiences, he is a great guy that he takes time with me, so i hope to be able to fix my life.
He is kind of like a closed box like me, it is obvious. Once he mentioned that he dropped out from the first college for various reasons and i asked details then he didn't wanna tell me so i didn't pressure him. then later when we were talking about mental illnesses i made a comment regarding depression and he opened up because after my remark he thought i wouldn't judge him and his depression in the past so we started talking more and even abou the heartbreakes and fear of intimacy and all. He is not physically my type but i am not looking for leonardo dicaprio and looks are totally secondary even tertiary. It is important to be on the same page and to have same goals, and to ve able to talk communicate understand and support each other, i guess.
I wonder if you both being that way may sort of enable continuing that behavior. Being more out of you comfort zone may help more long term. Maybe you'll grow together, but from my experience people tend to not change unless there's a lot of effort. But wouldn't being physically attracted to where you to have sex with the person be much more enjoyable D:
I mean I don't like blondes with pale skin. But almost all guys I dated were pure blondes, Dutch, German, and Finnish. He is kinda same. That's what I mean. I prefer brunettes, I don't find blondes physically attractive, but what can I do? He is a nice person, smart, and he is able to keep an intellectual talk more than 5 minutes, and clearly the only he also wants is not my pussy, so those are more attractive than his physical appearance.
I don't say I don't want sex. I love sex. If somebody does not like sex, there must be a psychiatric problem imho. I am just done with meaningless sex leading nowhere.
Now if only you were 100x more lonely and isolated and alienated and disposable, you would know how the average guy feels.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Pfft try being a 24 year old single virgin who has never had a girlfriend and not even had his first kiss yet.
You as a woman have this thing called female privilege which means you can get sex whenever you want, with whoever you want. Most men don't have that privilege.
Female priveledge? Sex whenever we want? I'm here to prove you wrong. I've never been given a chance, to experience the "spice of life", neither. Not every woman is able to meet that special someone. Also, being a virgin at 24 is no big deal. You have your whole life ahead of you, so don't worry about it.
It's actually more difficult for a female to get a relationship than it is for a guy to get sex. I'm not sure where you are from but according to the CDC by age 19, 80% of men and 75% of women have lost their virginity. I imagine it's the same for most western countries. So getting sex for MOST people here isn't impossible. You just happen to fall into that category that has issues with it.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
38Opinion
I wanna congratulate myself for reading this long winded Mytake. Nevertheless, your problem is that you haven't met Hispanic-Cool-Guy.
AHAHAHA omg you're funny <3 lol
😉😛
I've never had a girlfriend and have only been on one date. I wish I knew why and had an idea of what to do to fix whatever the problem is.
. I have had many unsuccessful short term romantic involvements between 1 month to 6 months
However, I do keep that list, and immediately avoid a person if he meets 99 of the requirements, but not the 100th requirement
you better be a victorias secret model
I used to have that fear of intimacy as well, but then I figured out that I just had a fear of loss. Like I would have sex with her, she was leave me forever and I would stay behind fucked and unloved.
Very well said, don't settle! It will happen in the right time :)
I'm single because no one is stupid enough to take me haha
Self-improvement is a noble cause, and too many people refuse to try to become better. So props for acknowledging and working toward becoming a better person
Sounds like you went from settling to setting your standards too high. Maybe just share in a journal the qualities in a man that could add to your happiness and start imagining the type of relationship you want. Be happy and attract that which you desire. Your sold knows whe it is ready.
there's so much I wanna say, but oh well, I liked this mytake.
Please tell me. Let's have a chat here. I like to hear your opinion and critiques.
Well, I haven't been single my whole life but I am now and it has been by choice. I have rejected advances and girls for a while now. Not fear of intimacy but lack of interest in intimacy.
While I would love a woman by my side, a serious relationship, I feel its not possible and its only wishful thinking. Having experienced lies and deception from different people then I feel I can't rely on others and its a waste. Online hook ups, one night stands are easy and inviting but its not something that will make me happy.
Reading your first reason, I can relate since Im very private. You can see that by looking at my anonymous posts. So I only allow few in to my personal life, others are kept at a distance.
Second reason I can also relate, I laugh and have fun with people but separate my private life so I won't get hurt.
Just do what makes you happy. That's what's important till you find someone perfectly suited to be with. That's the goal that's how you'll find him/her
naw, you're just makin' this stuff up in your own head. Get out there and date and it will all change.
i didn't say "i dont date". i dont know how you concluded this way. In fact i get a lot of dates, but i can't trust anyone or i fear that they get close to me and end up hurting me. what part did you exactly not understand?
I get that yer fucked up. What else is there to the story?
LMBO.. 😂 Dude is savage.
I dont think it has to be a disorder, that fear could just simply come from these guys that ready left you. If you talk yourself into having disorders , you are only making yourself insecure.
Just be confident or at least fake it till you make, don't let them play you, have respect for yourself ( I mean that in a good way) , you will find the right guy eventually. I don't think there's anything wrong with you, just insecurity. Don't give yourself the crazy label.
I have been following you quite awhile, and I have seen many comments of you. You are one rude dude at the age of 60, probably bitter of your life failures and not accepting those. I am not sure why you need to be rude, but it's fine. Keep on doing what makes you feel good.
You call it rude cuz you can't handle the truth.
You are the one that is calling yourself crazy. Don't do that. And quit being a victim. So many women paint themselves into a corner with zero options - THERE ARE ALWAYS OPTIONS.
And no, your little shaming tactic has nothing to do with my success or failures in life - you want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH. :)
And quit posting your crap anonymously. Stand up for yourself - be real, be honest, and show yourself. You don't see me hiding behind anonymity do you?
If i couldnt handle the truth i wouldn't bother myself writing this.
Certain things may be a crap for you, not for others. Keep on living on your messy lofe thinking you’re some kinda successful shite.
You can't even spell. LOL
And your little shaming tactics are a joke.
If you can't handle the truth or the comments then don't post the questions. This had NOTHING to do with me - it's YOUR problem.
You wanted to know why you're single - this is a pretty good indication and demonstration why. Cuz no guy is going to put up with your whiny bullshit. Grow up or GTFO.
"... I know I am a difficult person..."
Here it is, right here! Just quit it. And quit blaming everybody else - this solely on YOU. Quit blaming the guys, quit blaming everything but YOURSELF.
"You can't even spell"
I think you're writing this regarding misspelled word "lofe" instead of life. As you may notice, i and o are next to each other and I apparently mis-clicked. Only people who have nothing else to do in life and just waiting to complain about the next thing would be a grammar and spelling Nazi like you against a person who speaks and writes English as a second language.
I am sure you are one of those ignorant redneck Americans who cannot speak another language other than English and who complain about foreign software engineers come and take your jobs because your education level is extremely low compared to the rest of the Western world.
Guess again, loser. And now we know why you're single. Guess we figured that one out real quick, eh? LOL
Please, block me now so I don't have to deal with any more of your drivel. You're a special snowflake loser young and stupid woman that will never be able to keep a man simply because you're an argumentative bitch. No guy is going to put up with that. You and your 'perfect partner' prince charming. Egads. GTFO here.
Yes definitely I am stupid. I have a 6-figure job at a Forbes company, and I have two masters and a PhD, have travelled 49 countries, volunteered for free in Africa, and ignore all that, behind your PC, without knowing a bit of me, assume that I am a dumb idiot bitch. It's OK. For sure, I am dumb, stupid, bitch, and argumentative for those like you who do not have a piece of brain to understand what I say in my take, rather finds bits and pieces to attack with no constructive argument, and tons of abbreviated cuss words.
I am wondering what exactly you are, and why your woman is married to you.
And now we know why you're single. :)
Men are walking away from relationships with western women, because the laws are so biased. A lot of men now choose to live in a foreign country with their spouse/girlfriend.
I'm glad you've realized your problem and that you're working on it. I hope you will succeed in overcoming your phobia. 😊
Your story was very interesting to read. Hopefully you solve the issue.
I am working on it, slowly, but i am determined to fix it. I have met someone a month ago. He went through same process he told me and he talks to me and helps me with his experiences, he is a great guy that he takes time with me, so i hope to be able to fix my life.
He had a fear of intimacy like you? Hopefully he meets most of your preferences as well.
He is kind of like a closed box like me, it is obvious. Once he mentioned that he dropped out from the first college for various reasons and i asked details then he didn't wanna tell me so i didn't pressure him. then later when we were talking about mental illnesses i made a comment regarding depression and he opened up because after my remark he thought i wouldn't judge him and his depression in the past so we started talking more and even abou the heartbreakes and fear of intimacy and all. He is not physically my type but i am not looking for leonardo dicaprio and looks are totally secondary even tertiary. It is important to be on the same page and to have same goals, and to ve able to talk communicate understand and support each other, i guess.
I wonder if you both being that way may sort of enable continuing that behavior. Being more out of you comfort zone may help more long term. Maybe you'll grow together, but from my experience people tend to not change unless there's a lot of effort. But wouldn't being physically attracted to where you to have sex with the person be much more enjoyable D:
Well i meant he is not the physical type i want (everybody has those wishes) i am still attracted to him. I did not mean i am not attracted to him.
I've had a plenty of sex but no emotional thing, i don't think i need any more of that sort of relationship anymore.
What does him not being the physical type you want while not being unattracted to him mean? Do you mean he's mildly attractive?
You may decide that you'd like sex too. I know not everyone can have it all though.
I mean I don't like blondes with pale skin. But almost all guys I dated were pure blondes, Dutch, German, and Finnish. He is kinda same. That's what I mean. I prefer brunettes, I don't find blondes physically attractive, but what can I do? He is a nice person, smart, and he is able to keep an intellectual talk more than 5 minutes, and clearly the only he also wants is not my pussy, so those are more attractive than his physical appearance.
I don't say I don't want sex. I love sex. If somebody does not like sex, there must be a psychiatric problem imho. I am just done with meaningless sex leading nowhere.
Is it really hard to find a guy you're attracted to that is nice and doesn't just want your pussy?
Unfortunately for me yes. Maybe for others it is easy.
I doubt it's you. I've heard the same situation on here and in person repetitively.
Whoever you are everyone has fears, the only way to get awauy from it is to be tough and face your fears
That's very interesting. I'm sure that you'll find a guy who likes you just the way you are, you don't need to change for anybody
Now if only you were 100x more lonely and isolated and alienated and disposable, you would know how the average guy feels.
Pfft try being a 24 year old single virgin who has never had a girlfriend and not even had his first kiss yet.
You as a woman have this thing called female privilege which means you can get sex whenever you want, with whoever you want. Most men don't have that privilege.
Female priveledge? Sex whenever we want? I'm here to prove you wrong. I've never been given a chance, to experience the "spice of life", neither. Not every woman is able to meet that special someone. Also, being a virgin at 24 is no big deal. You have your whole life ahead of you, so don't worry about it.
i am talking About intimacy and relationship you’re talking about sex. Your problem is different
It's actually more difficult for a female to get a relationship than it is for a guy to get sex. I'm not sure where you are from but according to the CDC by age 19, 80% of men and 75% of women have lost their virginity. I imagine it's the same for most western countries. So getting sex for MOST people here isn't impossible. You just happen to fall into that category that has issues with it.
These are not undate-able features but more strong personality quirks.
I think it’s fear of a broken heart , it’s why you don’t let anyone get close so it won’t hurt if they break up with you