If you had to choose between dreams or love?

[Sex-Kitten]

This is a complicated one. If you had to choose between staying with the person you love, but sacrificing your dreams (because he was against them), or following your dreams but leaving him behind? I want to join the U. S. military. But he wants to follow a different path and even move back to Russia. I love him. But this dream is so important and I fear I'd live an unfulfilled life if I don't do this. At the same time, if I do the military, I might never have a chance to have a family...
What do I DO?

And what would you people choose, true dreams or true love? Why?

Gonna say this in advance: for those who's dream is to find true love, I guess this doesn't apply. I mean like dreams- such as to become somebody, or live somewhere or do something specific. A true complex situation.

[Bluegrimoire]

I've only seen people supporting dreams. I am going to try to balance up the scale a bit.

First. He does not really love you, at least not as much as he loves his comfort, if he keeps you from your dreams.
Second. Did you factor him in your future when he entered your life, when you two have been going steady?

Now, with that out of the way. I'm going to tell you this.
Many old people that I know that are happy with their family at some points in their life, gave up their dreams. And most of them are not regretting that choice. The one thing I learned over and over from them is that we will regret experiences we chose to turn our back on. We will regret not trying to get our dreams, but it will never be as big a regret than spending life with the wrong partner and even more when you have the knowledge of a true love that you left behind.

Spending your life with the right people will eventually feel better than spending your life doing things you want. Doing things you don't really enjoy for tthe ones you care for will always feel better than spending your life doing things you like without those you love. Unless you essentially love yourself more than anything in this world and pleasing yourself and your ambition is your ultimate happiness.

I hope that helps.
I have many dreams going for artistic achievements or giving back to society, but I would give those up for the right person (do remember that the right person usually will not ask you to give up your dreams, you will make that choice willingly for them).

If you are doubting, it is because your heart is pushing you to your dream. That is my conclusion.
I hope I'm not being too confusing. :)

[Sex-Kitten]

Thanks for your words :)
Thing is, I don't think it's that he doesn't love me. He loves me VERY much. I think he just wants me all to himself. This dream would require me to be away from him for long periods of time.

I don't know if doing things you don't like to be with those you love is worth it. Everyday I hear grandparents say how much hopes they had in their kids, how their kids will live out their parents' dreams. And then those have kids, and it's the same shit again. We seem to be in this cycle where we don't live for ourselves, but for the mere act of reproduction. And fair enough if we were endangered species, but there are too many of us, so we don't really need to reproduce.

I don't know. I don't think giving up dreams is worth it. For anyone.

[Bluegrimoire]

If love is merely for reproduction, Europe will be overpopulated. We are actually living the age where most people go for ambition. I am Asian, and as far as I have known, the western civilization taught us to be more individualistic. It is actually against the norm to live for others. Parents pushes their children to chase their (the parents') dreams.

I guess I was lucky that my parents told me to be the best I can be in whatever I am good at and love rather than live walking their paths. I have always lived my way, I have always lived mainly for myself. I guess that is why I long to share my life. My happiness tastes sweetest when shared.

I always believe that wherever I am is not as important as with whom I am being, how I spent my time is not as important as with whom I spent my time and whatever it is I am doing matfers because of whom I am doing it with and whom I am doing it for. I will have tine and energy to spend for myself but they won't be my happiest moments.

[Bluegrimoire]

Oh, and agree that giving up dreams for anyone is not worth it. But if I can find a middke ground albeit not perfect, I would prefer that rather than forsake one because I want perfection.
I would gladly compromise some details of my dream if having everything my way would cost me a lifetime of thinking that I have let my true love go away.

[Sex-Kitten]

That's awesome! :) I need some of that mentality!

[Bluegrimoire]

You need to be true to yourself. In the long run, people never regret being true to thrmselves. (Though they don't always end up happy).

[matheus_mb]

Imagine yourself 30 years from now. Try to think about your life if you had gone with him and if you had joined the military. Then ask yourself how much of each decision was worth it. I think this will help.

[Sex-Kitten]

Hey, that's useful! :D Thanks!

What would you choose for yourself: dreams or love?

[matheus_mb]

Really hard to say. Personally I think I'd go for love. Dreams can change and I wouldn't like to end my life alone. Though, it'd be my decision, I currently have no dreams as big as yours.

[Sex-Kitten]

But love can change too :P I actually heard the opposite: true dreams don't change, but love comes and goes.

[matheus_mb]

Yeah, it has a point too. Actually I think it's 50 - 50. Both can change, but my decision would still be the one I said.

[Anonymous]

thats a tough one.. but if he doesn't support you in everything you do, maybe he isn't the right person for you. i personally sometimes think you need to put yourself first in some situations. you have to look out whats best for you. maybe he'll warm up to it, and let you do your thing. :/ i would probably choose my dreams. don't get me wrong, love is very important. but you need to be able to be happy to love someone back. and if you're not happy with what you're doing, i don't think it's worth it. try to look 10 years in the future.. where do you see yourself?

[starac]

I understand that your dream is to join the US military but maybe u won't like it after a while. why not focusing on doing a 1 yr service before u decide that's its ur dream and u want it as a career. that way u won't lose ur bf and also fulfill part of ur dream and afterwards. It doesn't have to be white or black u know

[Sex-Kitten]

Hmmm, interesting idea!

[byefelicia]

Do what makes you happy. If being in the military makes you happy, then go for it. If he really loves you he'll support you

[Sex-Kitten]

He says it's because he loves me, he couldn't stand to be separated for so long. Besides, he has his own dreams.

[Sex-Kitten]

I don't think it's right to say "if he loves you he'll support you". He wants to move to another country and wants me to follow him, giving up my dreams. By your logic, if I don't, then I don't really love him.

[byefelicia]

I meant "supporting" you by understanding that this is what you want to do with your life. And generally, if you love someone you want them to be happy. So if going to the military would make you happy and he loves you then he would have to put his feelings aside and realize that you dont want to move with him, which I'm assuming is the case.

[Sex-Kitten]

Yeah, it is :( Russia sounds awesome, but it's not my home. My home is here, in the States.

[byefelicia]

Then follow your heart (:

[ElectricGIRL]

It depends for I'd rather be with someone I love & sacrifice my dreams, but some peoples path & true love is their dreams & goals don't miss out on what's important to you because you may end up resenting him in the end & losing your dream?

[Sex-Kitten]

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I also read that you can end up resenting the person you love for not following your dream.
Also, that those who don't follow their dreams live unfulfilled lives in regret. I think that'd be me...

[kambo_trick3y]

Dreams.

Love will only make me and another person happy. My dreams involve becoming rich and using the money to help thousands of people.

[Sex-Kitten]

Hey, that's an interesting new way of looking at it! Love can be selfish, but dreams can involve so many people.

[Error_204]

Join the military. Your love is temporary. Your choices are forever.

[Sex-Kitten]

Love in temporary? I wouldn't be making a mistake in choosing dreams over love

[AustinMan]

There are any number of men in the world that you can love not as much but more than this one. Follow your bliss and join the military. The most respected of the US Armed Forces, IMHO, is the Marine Corps.

[YourFutureEx]

If it would fulfill my dream, I'm ready to sacrifice myself too.

[Sex-Kitten]

What IS your dream? :)
Does it make us horrible human beings for choosing dreams over love? I mean, love is what everyone wants. That's like the sole purpose for our existence, apparently.

[YourFutureEx]

"That's like the sole purpose for our existence, apparently."
I liked it very much.

No, it will not make you horrible but it will make you a part of history instead.

My dreams are not as much big as yours but I want to be a MLA (member of legislative assembly) at least like my grandpa (& his grandpa) to continue the legacy. I just wanna impact the society so that I can reduce hunger, poverty, sex ratio, illiteracy & other social evils. :)

[Sex-Kitten]

That's awesome! :) I am motivated by the same thing (plus others), but in a more direct way. Like, I'd hope to minimize casualties and act in a smarter way than some other soldiers and commanders undoubtedly are.

[YourFutureEx]

Thank you so much :) *feeling blessed*
I like your mentality.

[abundantlyrich]

We all can love a person but it's a question of whether we can be with that person while we have our paths to fulfill?

[Jakesusername]

Tell him I want to join the military and after my service isb up we can move to Russia.

[Sex-Kitten]

He said he wouldn't wait for me. Service in the military can mean long time apart on deployment and stuff. Besides, I don't just want to join to do my part for a year or two. I want it to be my career. I am very passionate about it. I'd want to stick with it.

[Jakesusername]

Well if he won't wait foryiu theb he is not worth it. I know I'd help my girl follow her dreams.

[Sex-Kitten]

That's awesome =) But what of your own dreams? If you also wanted to move to another country?

[zombiebabe]

i choose my dreams

[Sex-Kitten]

What are your dreams? :)

[zombiebabe]

to have a REAL career

[Sex-Kitten]

Hahaha, like what? :D Sorry, for the questions.

[zombiebabe]

as HR manager

[Klaatu51]

dreams of course