How fast should an online dating relationship progress? How fast is too fast?

[FunTastyLady]

So I went out on a coffee meet and greet with this guy I’ve met online on a “paying” dating site. Prior to that, we had exchanged enough email messages to determine that the next step would be to meet in person. The coffee date lasted a little over an hour. There was no doubt that he was handsome but I didn’t feel any chemistry... he put an end to the meet and greet and mentioned that he was prepping for his finals which is why he had to run.

At this point whether it was true or not didn’t matter to me, after all first encounters can be deceiving.

Nevertheless, an hour later, he sent me a text saying how he had a great time and how we should do this again. I figured he was trying to be cordial so didn’t put too much thought into it and replied “same here”.

Anyhow, a few days went by and he texted me saying how he had been thinking about me and how he had really enjoyed meeting me and that although he was quite busy with work and his finals, he wanted to make it a point for us to hang out again soon when his finals would be over. At this point, I am struggling with the fact that he had been sharing his feelings with me a bit too soon. He later apologized as he felt dumb blurting his feelings out so soon. I reassured him by being as honest as possible “Same here, let’s see how things develop” which I feel was precisely how I was feeling.

How fast should an online dating experience progress in your opinion? How fast is too fast?

By the way it’s been almost 2 weeks since the day we started messaging to our first date and now our second date will be next Tuesday evening.

Am I interested? Yes, I am but I want us to take our time into developing feelings, I have learned not to rush relationships... because that the best recipe for a disaster.

[hemingway]

Sounds like how you're going with it is perfect so far. Every situation is different, and you just have to feel out the situation. You clearly made a lasting impression with him, and he is definitely interested. You don't want to rush, but you're interested. I think that you should plan a second date, and that's where you two talk about not rushing things etc. That way, you two can go for coffees every so often, text here and there, and go on dates from time to time. The coffees keep it casual, and keep you in contact without it feeling "official" or anything, and the dates are for if you feel like you want to show each other you're really interested, but still not "there" just yet.

Just make sure you communicate clearly with him and let him know you do not want to rush because you like where you two stand, and you don't want to ruin things by going too fast. That gives you plenty of time to see if you like him, if you really like him, or see if there's any deal breakers that you can find out before ever committing.

My current gf and I have been together for a year now. We met online, messaged for a week, texted for another week, and met up for a coffee finally. We ended up making it a dinner date, and we slept together the next day and were casually seeing each other for over a month before committing, but we made it clear to each other that even though we liked each other, we didn't want to rush. I'm used to rushing, and all my relationships fail. This one is the strongest I've been in (some people would say a month is rushing but it didn't meant to be so "fast". It just happened because we went with the flow, and that worked better than putting "schedules" on our actions and feelings. Good luck!!

[FunTastyLady]

Yes I totally agree with you. No one should ever rush a relationship... especially in the initial stages... it can definitely make or break it! I enjoy the fact that he takes the lead and that he is so forward with his feelings... I guess it’s just not something I am used to. Typically girls are the one to say too much, too soon. He is approaching 36 and that’s a major part of it... I think that he is looking to settle... on the other hand I am 29 and starting to figure what I do and don’t want! Yesterday, he texted me as promised after his last final to tell me that he was officially done and that now we could hang out all through the holidays... it was cute but overwhelming... he has already planned our next dinner date early next week... I will report on it next week! lol

[hemingway]

Oh! Yes, his age is a huge factor for sure. The older you get, the less time you have to waste playing games and being unsure etc. That explains a lot! I'm sure if you're honest with him and tell him it's a little overwhelming, he will be understanding, but make sure you let him know you're interested! Exactly what you said to me, say to him! He's old enough to appreciate the honesty and then he will understand he's not wasting his time, but to back off a bit, and that will be good. Can't wait for the update!!

[abundantlyrich]

it sounds like unnatural and forced.

He sounded awkward... No harm trying for the next date to see if you have that spark with him

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

just go with the flow, if you are uninterested just say next

[FunTastyLady]

It did seem forced... at least for now... I just haven’t seen in him the chemistry he has seen in me. Like I said, he is very attractive... but... yeah... only our second dinner date will tell!

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

alright thats good

[meatballs21]

What feelings is he sharing? That he liked meeting you and wants to see you again? If so - that's pretty standard stuff to show you are interested.

I don't think this is going too fast, but I think you feel it is since he didn't set your world on fire.

The second date should give you the answer you're looking for.

[FunTastyLady]

Let me rephrase... it's not so much about the feelings but rather the straightforwardness! He kept saying that he felt we had great chemistry and that he was really drawn to me and had been thinking about me all through the week end... which is a bit much after meeting someone once for a bit more than an hour...

[meatballs21]

That is a bit excessive. It could just be his way of letting you know he's serious (you can see from this site how well vague hints work - not very) and maye he is. You can meet someone and think WOW and it's hard to contain your excitement as you imagine where it could go.

[sawno]

I can't say what is to fast that depends on many things but over the years i seem to have one rule of thumb.
The time it took me to get close to someone is the same time it takes for that to be destroyed.
The faster i get an intense friendship the faster it is over when problems arrise.