Don't you hate starting from scratch with someone new?

Question

So I feel like all the guys I've been seeing lately have no real chance of going anywhere. Most are clearly just sex, a couple I'm just not interested in and one I really have no fucking clue what's going on.

So basically I'm just probably gonna end it with all of them and start over but I really dread that... it took me months to build familiarity with these guys and finding guys who are my type in this redneck area isn't easy but I'm really looking for something serious and I just don't see it in then.

But isn't starting over the absolute worst? Like I'm sorry but am I the only one who hates dating? I just can't handle being alone but I'm so emotionally exhausted by this bullshit.

Does anyone else currently feel this way? I need a hug:(

Rawrzz · Accepted Answer

I hate finding a girl so, so badly. Though, the reason I hate it is the ridiculous rituals behind it. Why can't it just be, "hey, wanna try hanging out and see if we click?" I guess you could do that, but then there's the finding a good place for a first date. A movie is too cliché. Dinner is too intimate. Coffee is too cliché, and maybe she doesn't even drink it. Lunch is... less cliché, but also, do It really want the first time I date a girl to be when we're awkwardly masticating our food? That just seems a bit off putting to me. You can't rightly ask if she wants to come over and watch some TV or play a game, because that's too casual and birders on creepy--also showing that you never go out. A club is, well a club is ridiculous in all ways to me. Loud music to where you can't even hear each other talk, crazy drunk people throwing up or hitting on your date. A picnic is like a 5th date. A walk around the local pond is too short, but maybe. Still, that would be awkward, 'hey, wanna come walk around the park with me?' Also too casual. Then there's the never-do, "hey, want to fuck me?" That's just stupid, but I'd totally ask that if it worked... At all. Not to mention all the friggin' money you have to throw down after that. Why do I have to pay for it? Isn't that round-about prostitution?

Then, figuring out whether or not the chick it's actually into you, because of all the ridiculously ambiguous 'clues' they have you sniff out by reading a 800 page book on wtf does she mean, only to still get lost in ambiguity. Fuck it. I'd rather stay home, keep my money, and get a pocket pussy. If you ask me, the cost is too high for the goods. Not just in probably wasted money, but in time, frustration, potential rejection--and, last but certainly not least, mind-crushing, soul-shattering heartbreak. Fuck it. I'm getting some cake. And opiates. Cake and opiates win out over any girl.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Depends. I actually find it quite pleasant, knowing that I am putting my best foot forward, and with experience, I can actually do more things right and handle problems better.

Having a clean start gives me a chance to identify problems and deal with them before they become too big, and also, we don't take each other for granted. Familiarity doesn't drive very well, intrigue often does a better job. Somehow, a new beginning gives me this unknown energy that just drives me forward not only with her but with everything else I do.

I don't hate starting from scratch with someone new. But if I could help it, I would prefer not having to be with someone new.

Usually with experience it should have gotten easier, if you've at least learnt some lessons along the way, and faster too. You know what to talk about, how to react to things, how to identify problems faster, etc, and how to share things in a better way etc that brings you two closer and more comfortable with each other faster.

(My previous relationship, I got together into a steady relationship in like 12 days of getting to know her... like really know her dreams, aspirations, when she's pissed, what makes her happy etc... all really fast... and of course, figured when things weren't going to work just as fast too, and happily left and support each other for our next relationship).

LauraMarx · Accepted Answer

Yeaahhh :( I feel that
I was in a relationship with a girl from when I was 16, and, 2 other girls for a year or so... And, well, last summer it ended up I became single. Just all at once, y'know... And, I haven't dated since, or even been seriously intimate with anyone... Just cuz it is so hard to build that up, you know? I do find that particularly tough, yeah.

So I'm feeling you :(
[offers hugs]

I think some time alone is okay though. I have my close dyke friends and I'm doin okay. Friendship is powerful, in my opinion. So its okay... And if your partners are just draining you, then, its better to be single and keep yr emotional labour power to yourself!

good luck!!!

SweetSweetheart32 · Accepted Answer

Most of guys that are my friends just want to be my friends none of them want to date me , I don't understand why , you can feel one way from a guy friend , they. Seem not interested like they well ignore you after awhile. Why do the guys I had a crush on ignore me when I say hi , it's kind of rude. I feel like okay I just said hi
Noting wrong with that they guys just look at me and just don't say anything or they well talk to my other lady friend that is with me. Why do some guys ingore me after feeling like they were the right guy for me.

ninalau · Accepted Answer

Definitely. It's personally really hard for me to move on from relationships just because I want to hold on to that closeness more than anything. Like you know all their likes, dislikes, quirks, you know them well enough to realize if they're having a problem just by how they say things or don't say things, and exactly how to make them feel better again. It's hard to throw that all away and relearn a complete stranger. I hate it.

pr3ttybr0wn · Answer

I actually enjoy dating. Think of it as a chance to make new friends, memories or at the very least interesting stories to tell ur girls

Blondiee2014 · Answer

Yeah I feel the same, and I also hate being single I generally enjoy having a girl companion all the time.
And you say your dating guys, what kind of situation is that I don't understand?
They all think your exclusive and think they are the only guy but really your sleeping with multiple guys? I would say ditch them all as well if that's the situation, start again by dating one guy at a time, you might find a better quality guy than going for quantity and ending up with mediocre.

linkywinky · Answer

No. I love, love, love learning about new people. I like learning about what makes their heart beat stronger, what gives them purpose when they wake up in the morning. I love learning the sound of their laughter, the quirky way they say things. I love getting to know where they stand on things, what their dislikes and likes are.

I love discovering the way their body is made, and how the world has shaped and molded their heart.

LaDouleurExquise · Answer

yeah its kind of a pain in the ass. i mean there's always the refreshing feeling of a change of scenery but sometimes you just want someone who feels like home. and dating new people is shit too, you set your net wide and get nothing or set your net smaller and spend way too much effort on a lead that doesn't pan out. when at the end of the day you dont give a shit about the chase, you just want someone to fall asleep in your arms.

Mesonfielde · Answer

Emotional investment with no reward certainly sucks. That is why so many people settle with subpar relationships.

Technically, this is the exact same reason why I hate shopping for clothes. It takes way too much effort with possible lack of reward.

playdatesx · Answer

If I really genuinely like the person, then I'll have the patience to develop a relationship with them, and it's totally more than perfect. Otherwise, OH MY GOD YES I HATE THIS CLEAN SLATE BULLSHIT.

arashmenalagha · Answer

Nobody likes to start from scratch but sometimes it just feels like you have to do it I guess. or you don't either way it's up to you. Do you think you need some time alone for like a week or two or more?

Personally, I think it's sexy that you don't want to just start all over. Good for you.

AmberDawnxo · Answer

Hugs!! Defiantly with you girl. It can be really emotionally draining. Sorting through what you like and dont. I'd say try not to just focus on that ( finding someone) make sure you have other (fun) things going on to do by yourself so that it takes the stress away. Just going through the first stage is hard cause you just want to get straight to the point and no b. s. lol. But in the long run you will find someone and it will be worth it.

JH5022 · Answer

I know how you feel, you just need to keep giving it effort and find the guy you really like while being yourself. When you find the guy you really like, try to be around him when you have free time as much as possible so your relationship becomes stronger. That's what I would do when I really like a girl, spend as much time with her as possible when I have days off or free time.

Spring_Lucky · Answer

I felt the same exact way not to long and thought about doing the same thing. At first I was really against it until I figured I rather take a chance and not be with anyone for a while instead of being with a guy that's not really going anywhere and Being completely unhappy.

thisGUYknows · Answer

Sounds like dating you is too easy. U give too many guys opportunities to impress you when your heart isn't in it the slightest bit. If I can recommend something, don't date a guy for a while. It sounds like even you aren't sure what kind of guy u like. I'm sorry if this comes across mean but you're too much in a hurry to find Mr. Right. Dating is about trial and error. So u shouldn't worry about perfection just yet..

Agrojag · Answer

I feel that way completely. I'm tired of trying to impress superficial girls who judge me based on ridiculously vain things. Even then I don't want to start over and find out what a girl likes, doesn't and blah blah blah. I'm not even bothering with relationships right now. Luckily I don't mind being single and based on my experience it's in fact a preference.

cavmanier · Answer

I know what you mean: it can feel nice feeling comfortable and knowing the person past the beginning stage. The hardest part for me though is finding someone I'm attracted to enough while really really liking them as a person.

Imtheone88 · Answer

good for you... start looking for a new one.
no its not that hard, we make it harder than what it is. take it easy and don't be afraid. might be a lot of work but at the end you might find the one you want who will be worth the effort. you have to try.
hmm... i don't hug strangers, but ok *hugs.

James0 · Answer

It's tough finding someone :( half the time I would be looking for someone serious to find out they aren't interested, taken, or not who I thought they would be. It gets tiring really fast spending time to get familiar with them. Try some ice cream or a nice long bath that always helps me

JackKerouac77 · Answer

I like starting from scratch, but I hate when it doesn't at least develop into friendship. Then I just feel like time has been wasted. And yet still... there is always something learned. *hug*

miserybusiness · Answer

I absolutely hate it. Wish we could just fast-forward through all the "hi how are you? what do you do? what are you looking for?" nonsense. When you become more familiar with a guy, he starts to seem more "real" if that makes sense at all. And then it's difficult to let go of what you've become accustomed to.

Anyway, here's a sympathy hug, OP. *hugs* Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Wait? Multiple guys at once, and you wonder why it is just about sex?
You are not seeing guys, you just have multiple fuck-budies.
Lose them. Stay at masturbation for now. When you meet a cute guy, focus on him! Are you not getting a crush on him soon, then ditch, next!
If you don't get the butterflies, it is not the real thing.

Anonymous · Answer

Nope. Relationships are not my central focus in life. I'm extremely devoted when in a relationship, but don't really actively crave one when I'm single. It's more so, if a good person comes along I go for it. I enjoy learning about them, but don't like the lack of trust and honesty.

Anonymous · Answer

I hear ya, honestly I don't date much because I just don't feel connections with people very often. There's a couple cute girls at my job but I look at them and think "Man I really cannot see myself with either one." I know I could sleep with them if I wanted to but what's the point? The last girl I had a real connection with is seven states away now :(

jshiloh25 · Answer

Yup it sucks big time. You get to know the person and you think there the one you want to be with... Then Nope they arnt then you have to start all over. All that time wasted but hey thats dating.

matheus_mb · Answer

Actually I think that starting over is very good and also part of life. I don't mean it's pleasant, but it's a process that we really cannot skip, principally when relationships are involved.

DancingWithDragons · Answer

On the contrary I like the constant fresh start. After a while when people become to familiar sometimes you get to know them well enough that you realize you don't want to spend any time in their company

AthleticMom · Answer

Someone new is supposed to be fun, an adventure IF things click and if they don't, he joins the heap of rejections that are only wasting my time, wearing me down until I become their bitch, then I become on the rejection heap.

LittleSally · Answer

Yes, but that's life, I guess...

What I hate more is people desperately clenching to someone who they no longer love just so they don't have to start from scratch [or because they're afraid of ending up alone]... - now that's just sad. :/

Anonymous · Answer

I would give you a hug but I am slathered in fried onions. I thrive with change and new experiences. I once dated (down south at the time) a few dozen women a few summers ago and got it down to three of four and then eventually one and still picked the wrong one. I don't hate dating. The game is fun but I do hate wasting time with someone to find out I am sexually incompatible or they are not who they showed themselves to be.

Joe427D · Answer

If I've made up my mind to look for new women then I wouldn't feel upset over it, the decision has been made and I'm too stubborn to stick to a woman I'm not getting attached to, it's as exhausting as you make it.

noneyabusi · Answer

If its the right person, getting to know them is full of excitement and new memories. But if you don't like them that much, it can be boring and feel like a chore.

Anonymous · Answer

Starting from scratch can be frustrating, but it is absolutely necessary. If you say you can't stand being alone, then you obviously need someone you can trust, confide in, etc., but that can't happen unless you do 'the bad stuff' first. It always gets worse before it gets better. There's a rainbow after the rain. Other mushy feel-good sayings...

... But hey, that's just my two cents

Bootzzzaaa · Answer

Starting from scratch with someone new is exciting and intoxicating, and usually leads to positive lifestyle changes. It's just a letdown if things don't work and you have to part ways.

martyfellow · Answer

Not at all, when I was single, I just thought I had recovered my freedom when I was unattached again!

becca123 · Answer

I hate it. I hate first dates. I am ready to get back out of the loop with one guy for a while, but darned if I can find him whoever he is.

trojanDevil · Answer

Yeah. Starting from scratch seems terrible. Even more when you realize that all that effort may go in vain.

Bromanicus · Answer

Dating more tan one people at a time is why it's called DATING. It's what grown folk do. Anyway, good luck dear.

shahab00x · Answer

Yeah, I get you. I do this from time to time, I delete all the phone numbers of girls in my phone and start again. I believe it makes you stronger.

Amylicious · Answer

Yes!! I HATE starting over. It's the worst feeling especially after you've gotten to know somebody so well.

MysteriousChick93 · Answer

Everyday lol. Yeah I hate starting New and when your hurt trying again petrified of it

micheal727jovanie · Answer

Yeah I hate it sometimes I thinks it better to just be alone

Marrryyyyy · Answer

sigh YES. an ex once told me "lts easier to start new". no.. it definitely isn't.

BackAgain · Answer

No I think it's fun to learn and discover things about someone new

Maxemeister · Answer

(hugs) girl, starting anew is always a pain in the ass, but it needs doing. Trust me, after a while, you won't regret it.

MJas16 · Answer

Starting over is really hard but it's better. You get to do everything better and different

boyconfused · Answer

Dating is hard and its all trial and error out there. But you have to stay positive and look at in a different light, something less like "starting from scratch" and more like discovering something new.

Rogue2 · Answer

Yeah. There's no worse feeling when you've gotten to know someone, you click and for some reason it doesn't work and you've got to start fresh.

Kshppatel · Answer

You need to learn how to be alone. It isn't that bad really. You can do whatever you want.

GreenTiger · Answer

Just go out more. You'll easily find more guys. And move to a city?

therendeck · Answer

It's hard to start from scratch but i do it all the time.

TONYROD · Answer

ugh i know exactly what you mean. it sucks that i understand this.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it's fun. I always keep my options open. Getting to know someone is always exciting.

Balatonaiden · Answer

It's good to start from scratch with someone n never let sex b part of the relationship till u marry

kheserthorpe · Answer

No, I think a lot of people feel that way.

veronica44 · Answer

No, because it's fun obviously.

Error_204 · Answer

I don't see it as difficult.

Uber_Gold · Answer

nweer is always better so is younger

Anonymous · Answer

no I love fresh new pussy.

dudeman · Answer

So you're boning a bunch of dudes.

kangy · Answer

Brand new beginning

HoneyButterCup525 · Answer

Yeah it sucks...

Don't you hate starting from scratch with someone new?

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