Guys, how would you feel if your girlfriend used to self harm?

[chloed11]

So I used to self harm, which left me with a lot of scars down my arm and on my thighs. I have recovered and I am SO much better. I have learnt to love myself which a lot of girls i know can't do. I can say that I am a very confident person now and self harming is not a route that I see my self going down again, literally I don't think I could do it.

I'm now talking to a guy and if it leads somewhere I'm a bit worried about how he would feel about my scars. Another guy I was seeing quite a while ago knew, and he had no problem with it, but never actually saw them, just knew I used to self harm.

How would you feel if your girlfriend used to self harm but she is 110% better now, and in a very stable position and is very happy? Is it a turn off? Or would you not care?

[KASTSLA]

I wouldn't be happy at all. Harming oneself is psychologically fucked up no offence. You must be having extreme thoughts in your head and to be honest I wouldn't mind being freinds with you but not in a relationship. I know I sound evil and rude but it's the truth. To actually carry out harming yourself suggests something isn't right period. Regardless of what u say you being capable of doing something like that tells me everything. If someone who took drugs but is free now I still wouldn't go near them simply because they know there harming themselves but the urge is too strong suggesting no will power. If my girlfriend told me now that she self harmed id tell her to get medically examined and visit a psychiatrist I wouldn't believe her if she just said I feel better now. People like this that are struggling mentally put unnecessary issues onto me. It's a bit like if I knew a girl was a rape victim I wwouldn't date her because she'll he scarred for life and I can't deal with that but do still feel sorry for her. by the way if someone inflicts harm onto themselves they are 100% to blame due to faulty cognitions so why would I want to be with her if I just met her and was given this piece of news. Please understand most ppeople would be happy to date u but for me I need someone who isn't weak minded enough to cut themselves.

[StephenRHawk]

You can't just say no offence and thinks it's ok to say

[Britishdude]

i would embrace you with an open heart because i know how tough self harm can get, i've been there my self
i feel sorry for people who have stopped but have to suffer with the evidence, i would love to help anyone out there that needs help
if you or anyone ever feels like they need help just message me

[Saga-Agustus]

I would feel sorry for her.
And probably scold her for hurting herself.
And I'll take her to counseling/ remedial sessions.

And if by any chance I love her I'll hate her as much for what she did in the past which is Because I love her.

( but I won't make a big deal out of it )

I'll just hate that part of her it won't change.

I know I sound like an assloe but.

Losing in life is nothing but losing oneself is cowardly.
Drinking smoking gambling drugs is fine.
But
The worst way to lose oneself is is self harming

[MoshingExec]

Didn't you ask this question a couple of weeks ago? Is this the bi-monthly installment of the same question?

At your age I doubt you are 100% better. Self harming is due to emotional issues that require years of therapy to fix. Like an alcoholic it is something you need to mind regularly.

With that said, I wouldn't have so much of an issue with the physical scars as I would with the underlying emotional/mental disturbance. I would be concerned that you could/would fall into the same routine again if things got tough in your life. So the best way to reassure me would be showing active treatment of the underlying condition. This would include mental health care (therapy) as well as a change in lifestyle such that the condition is less likely to recur.

[Kerbie]

I am really glad you are better now Chloe , my partner Hannah cut herself with a 3in knife on her arm she ended up in a mental health unit for 4 weeks for it she's not fully recovered yet but she's a lot happier now than ever before I love her just the same and would not treat her any different and anyone that loves you won't mind about it.

Feel free to message me if you would like to ask me or Hannah anything i will try to help and i am sure Hannah will try and help by jumping on my acc and responding (shes good like that!)

[oldanddecrepid]

I would have difficulty being with someone that has done that in the past.

Of course I would be sensitive to it, however, I think it would always feel like walking on glass, simply bc a relationship has both its ups and downs, and during the downs I would be constantly worried that she may do something during those periods.

I am the type to get really close to my SO, so I would be devastated if anything happened to her, that I may have caused.

[I_am_repulsive]

I'd do whatever it takes to make her feel safe, distract her and make her forget about the needs to harm herself, and just be there for here whenever she needs me.

[Byakuyarko]

I would never date any person with a history of self harm (not that I have a lot of options in the dating scene)...
I was into stuff like self mutilation... one messy cut had me crawling into the OT... When the doctor warned me that he would probably need to take my arm off... That was it. Although it didn't come to that, I have nasty scars on my left forearm that force me to wear full sleeves all the time... It's a filthy perversion that ruins people's perceptions of you forever...

[MyFootHurts]

He might worry about you, just explain that you are happy now the way you explained it here and he should be fine. The scars themselves I'm sure won't bother him.

[David7Dawson]

For me I wouldn't care. They'd make her who she was and they would just be another beautiful part of her. I'd also be proud of her for overcoming the urges.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't date a girl who did or does self harm, It shows immaturity and attention issues.
But it is mostly a millennial trend so it isn't something I often have to deal with.

[Kazuto_0927]

I honestly don't see how it matters maybe it's because I used to self harm but I don't think a scar should define anyone

[Consultant]

Tell her to seek help, discontinue dating her.