Hello, everyone! I wanted to ask this question because I used to have some pretty bad depression and would self harm. Thankfully, I am clean now and have fully recovered, but my self harm scars are still present and I feel that it is something that I would need to let a potential romantic partner about. I want to emphasize that I am clean now (fully healed physically and emotionally).
Guys, How would you feel and react if you found out that the girl you're crushing on used to self harm?
What Guys Said
@melniee I dated a girl that would self-harm... but over time she worked herself out of it. But she did, because she was a victim of childhood. trauma. Most people that do this, have experienced some degree of emotional trauma.
So, in my personal experience I was married to this woman for 24 years. She was completely honest with me about self-harming when we are dating. And yes, she got to a place emotionally, where she no longer physically self-harmed. But emotionally, through the 24 years of marriage, she struggled with anxiety issues. So mentally we were still self-harming, and I just did not realize it, and over time she started projecting her anxiety on to me.
So, yes, it is something I would want to know... but I will be honest with you, you never really heal from trauma, you just learn how to manage it better. So, when say you are fully healed, I doubt that. I mean physically the scares might be healed but emotionally you never really and truly heal, you just learn how to manage it better. I really just believe you are better able to manage it now on emotional level, and sometimes it can be easier or harder for you to do that.
But yes, it would be a yellow flag to me. Not that I think you would self-harm consciously anymore... but I lived with this woman for 24 years, and yes, she learned to manage everything better over time, but she struggled with anxiety issues her entire life and probably still is.
But she never sought out any help or would go to any professional for assistance... she just faked it for like 24 years.
Thank you so much for this detailed answer!
"Used to" wouldn't bother me. I'd be happy that she has recovered, and no longer self harms.
The presence of the scars wouldn't affect my opinion of her, in the slightest. I understand depression, and while I've never self harmed, it wouldn't bother me that she still had evidence of it, from her past.
Thanks for the answer!
Thankfully you’re fine and healed, it could be a lesson to not do it again, past is past, let it go away and live happily.
Yes, I agree, thanks!
But, how would you feel if you found out that this was going on with someone you had a crush on?
You’re welcome
Forgive and forget to have a beautiful brighter future.